Her birthday is a time to celebrate her life and what she has done so far. Its hard when you have so many challenges still ahead ... but she is your little miracle, and sometimes you need to be able to take a step back and celebrate how precious she is.
for your DH not being there. That makes it so much harder for you.
And huge for your loss of being able to have more. I know how that is (found out after DD that I can not have any more ... its so heartbreaking). It does get better though. It takes a long time, but it does get better.