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  1. #11
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    I like the "leave your children at home" one. We had so many kids come visit in hospital and as soon as we got home and I hated it. They were loud, demanded attention and would have been rough with DD2 if I hadn't have stepped in.

    These were relatives too haha but it was just too stressful.

    We also had family demanding to see DD2 in NICU! I couldn't believe it. When I said no, they tried on their own (was on a different floor). Luckily only parents were allowed so the nurses kicked them out.

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anjalee View Post
    I like the "leave your children at home" one. We had so many kids come visit in hospital and as soon as we got home and I hated it. They were loud, demanded attention and would have been rough with DD2 if I hadn't have stepped in.

    These were relatives too haha but it was just too stressful.

    We also had family demanding to see DD2 in NICU! I couldn't believe it. When I said no, they tried on their own (was on a different floor). Luckily only parents were allowed so the nurses kicked them out.
    Seriously they tried to get into NICU... we were expecting our daughter to be in NICU. .. so we told them visiting wouldn't be possible unless they were with me or DH! Guess it was good we had time to prepare.

    The list is quite strange but there are a few good ones. But if someone came to my place and started cleaning I think I would be offended. And of course they are here to see the baby. .. ??

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamtam View Post
    Seriously they tried to get into NICU... we were expecting our daughter to be in NICU. .. so we told them visiting wouldn't be possible unless they were with me or DH! Guess it was good we had time to prepare.

    The list is quite strange but there are a few good ones. But if someone came to my place and started cleaning I think I would be offended. And of course they are here to see the baby. .. ??

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    I was so annoyed. I'd asked the nurses if I could take my mum earlier and they said no, people couldn't even come in if they were with DH and I (which I totally understand). And yeah... Had one family member who thought she was above that haha. Was so angry!! She is also someone though who when we attended a family function after getting home she just waltzed in and picked DD up out of the pram just as we'd gotten her to sleep after a bad day. I lost it, being family doesn't mean you have a right to do whatever you want, argh

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  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boobycino View Post
    I've noticed that. Group a - are welcome to stay all day when I've had babies. Group B - have to gtfo asap.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    That's me too. We had bubby 3 in the afternoon and were back at home next morning so we had our second lot of visitors at around 5pm that day. I was still walking around with an icepack in my underwear (lol) so when they arrived I was snuggled in bed feeding bubby. My family just came in and sat on my bed while I fed and brought me chocolate they weren't a hassle at all and I was in no hurry for them to leave because they weren't demanding or rude! We had guests the next day that stayed most of the afternoon but they brought a red rooster meal with them so we ate together and then they washed up afterwards bless them! Another friend stayed all day but she was so casual and even constructed our baby swing for us! More family came and they were happy to hang out in our room while I fed and they left a pasta bake in the fridge. It's so lovely to feel nurtured by those who love you when you're so exhausted and still finding your feet in the first few days, those guests had long visits but it wasn't tiring at all because they just allowed us to do what we needed to do.

    Mil on the other hand was all about herself and I found it really hurtful that she didn't really care about what we needed and acted like a pain in the ****. She was annoyed that our day old baby was eating too much, sleeping too much, she stunk of cigarettes which she covered up with hideously strong perfume and coughed in my babies face. I had just given birth naturally to a 4.3kg baby after a 16 hour labour and she was going on about how tired she was becAuse she had a cold! Shouldn't have even shown up if she was that sick but it didn't even occur to her! Gah rant rant rant

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  8. #15
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    I agreed with a lot of what was said in the article. After a baby, particularly the first baby, new parents need help and support. I wouldn't expect people to come over and do any/all my housework. But it would have been nice if people had of bought over a pre-cooked meal or two.
    I invited three childless friends over three days after my birth. They asked if they could come at 8.30am. I said it was a little early, but ok. They were knocking on the door at 8am! We were still in bed asleep! They took photos of themselves with my dd, demanded a cup of tea, then announced they were leaving to go have brunch at a nice cafe up the road. I felt so horrible, and I've never forgiven them.

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  10. #16
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    Maybe I'm weird but I HATE people touching or picking up my baby without asking. Strangers do it too, i still struggle to understand that one. Never in my life have I felt like it would be ok to walk up to a complete stranger in a shopping center and reach into their pram to touch their baby! Never. I want to slap their hands away. Grr. I'll never forget with my first child I had her in her clear crib at the hospital using the pay phone and this family with two kids- complete strangers comes up to my baby. The mother says to her children oh look at the baby kids! Starts touching her face and invites her children to! Like I wasn't even there. No acknowledgment just straight in touching my child. Or my Aunty who I almost never see coming and literally snatching her out of my arms without a word and when she started crying refused to give her back until she was ready. It pretty much continued on like that with everyone. It's no wonder I became clinically depressed shortly after I think what's important is respecting the mothers wishes and making sure that she is comfortable with whatever is happening. It's just a sensitive time hormonally and emotionally for a woman after she has a baby. The potential for damage or long term resentment is huge. I don't think it should be an imposition to consider her feelings before just doing whatever you like or whatever you think is best.
    Last edited by KaraB; 07-10-2013 at 10:03.

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  12. #17
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    Omg, my mil takes the cake unfortunatley. She lives a 1000km away and arrived when ds was 2 days ild. I only stayed in 1 day with him being my second but I had 3rd degree tearing so they wouldn't let me out any sooner . She turned up with a printed schedule of where dh had to take her and when, she has other people here to visit as well not her only brand new grandson apparently. She had a separate list on who was coming to see ds at our place along with groceries list's and recipes she wants to serve and make these people. She had a list of activities planned for dd who was 15 months, she then sat beside me and wanted to help me plan a schedule of feeding, cleaning and outings that suited her not ds or dd or dh to ensure I established a routine early as I need to get this right from the start or I will be setting myself up for failure in her opinion. My little man pretty much had his life spelt out for him at 2 days old. Me being a stubborn hormonal cow ignored it all, highly offended her when her guests came by and ds was sleeping I said they could look but not touch him, didn't go down well. Refused to travel to noosa 2 hours by car with him to visit her aunty. Others asked if they could give him a bottle? While I was struggling to establish bf. Other comments were it would be so much easier if you fed dd and had her bathed and dressed before feeding ds? Let ds cry, dd was here first, I should be playing with dd and running around with her so she doesnt feel left out? With dozens of stitches? Dh would run around after dd, I snuggled and read her books that wasnt good enough. Anyway we've hardly spoken since apparently I made her uncomfortable that was 5 years ago and shes not coming down for dd2 whos due next month! Hooray! She does however expect we will travel 1000km to see her sometime over xmas.

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  14. #18
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    Our visitors were pretty great, mum bought us about 10 million homemade chicken pies and made mashed potato when she brought them over, then did my washing up while dad cooed over our daughter (love seeing my dad go to mush, it doesn't happen that often). Hubby's parents bought us a meal but insisted we didn't wait to eat until they left and happily held bub while we ate. My sister left her kids at home and everyone only stayed for a short visit.

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  16. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by KaraB View Post
    Maybe I'm weird but I HATE people touching or picking up my baby without asking. Strangers do it too, i still struggle to understand that one. Never in my life have I felt like it would be ok to walk up to a complete stranger in a shopping center and reach into their pram to touch their baby! Never. I want to slap their hands away. Grr.
    I know, what is up with that!? At the shops when DS2 was about a month old, a man did a great hacking cough into his hand & then immediately touched DS2's hands. I nearly threw up! Don't people understand how germs are transmitted?

    Anyway, back to topic, it goes without saying that family & friends should keep their visits relatively brief and offer help. Taking a meal is lovely but hardly a prerequisite.

    Really at the end of the day you can't please everyone. I visited a friend with her newbie the other day & when she offered me a cuppa I said I would make it. She just laughed & said she wasn't an invalid & she would do it. So I would imagine if I got the mop out & started working her floors over she would have gotten pretty damn offended!!

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  18. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mathermy View Post
    Just to add, what *I* don't need is people bumming around my house for hours on end expecting to be fed and brought regular coffee when I haven't had a shower or eaten myself, don't need people being snarky when my baby is feeding because they want to hold him, don't want them turning up within 2hrs of birth when they've been asked not to because I'm still naked , not showered and trying to nurse, don't want people *****ing to my hubby to to out to dinner with them and leave me and newbie at home or ***** when I won't take my 4 day newbie out at night in the middle of winter

    Etc.

    See? Still cross months on! Bahaaahaaa
    Omg our IL's must be the same people! I'm still horrified 14.5 months on!


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

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