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  1. #1
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    Default "How to" - etiquette for dealing with those who have just had a baby

    I recently shared this article on my Facebook page as I thought it was spot on and offered some really good practical advice, however soon realised there are two distinct schools of thought when it comes to "the visit" after bringing bub home. Those who are respectful and want to genuinely help, and those who think its their god-given right to drop by whenever they feel like it and demand a cuddle. What do you think?

    http://williamsburgmothering.com/201...ow-these-tips/

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  3. #2
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    Love it and will post myself


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    Mostly, they don't "suit" me and I hope nobody I know reads and follows them (for the most part).

    Here's some things I noted...

    *Obviously I didn't want people dropping around if they were unwell, but that's true any time.
    *PLEASE bring your kids if you have them. Why not? Watching kids interact with babies is cute, and as if you'd organise a baby-sitter just to visit me.
    *I've never really had anyone bring pets over to my house, but if they did, they'd be the type of pets I'd be cool having around. How about we swap? I'll cuddle your puppy while you cuddle my baby?
    *You can always ask to hold my baby. If you don't ask, I'm just going to offer it or feel weirded out by the fact you haven't asked.
    *I see no point in you bringing me random meals unless we'll be eating them together that evening.
    *You're NOT there just to help me. If you want to help me, that's cool... but you're my friend/relative... not my freaking slave just because I got knocked up and popped out some offspring. I want you to bask in the glory of this awesome little human I just created... let's talk about that. It'll be an awfully boring visit if I coo over my baby all on my own while you hang out my washing.
    *Please don't start doing chores without asking. If my house has mess, I'd rather you just pretend it's not there. If I'm doing some cleaning, sure, offer to help... but you're a visitor. You're not my free cleaner.
    *Don't research info for me. Bring up something you've read casually in conversation, sure, but don't research on my behalf and bring that info to me. That's weird. I would find it weird if you were that interested in my family that you went well out your way to research random stuff for me.
    *Don't help me write a chore list. Bugger off an organise your own family thanks.
    *Unless you're someone super-close to us (like my mum or something), please don't organise a cleanser or whatever. It'll make me feel uncomfortable. If I need that stuff, I will organise it myself.

    So... that's me.

    In a nutshell - I WANT my guests to want to snuggle with my baby. Why wouldn't they? He/she is surely the best baby in the world and OF COURSE people would want to get a closer look! I DO NOT want nor require your assistance unless I request it. Offer it casually if you feel the need, but I'll probably reject it. DEFINITELY do not just start helping without asking. That will make me want you to go away.

    But I do agree - organise a time to visit. Better yet, let's meet up somewhere. That way nobody has to see that my house is likely a dump.

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    'Remember that the purpose of the visit is for you to help the family, not for you to spend time with the baby.'

    Really???!!

    How odd.

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    Lol, I didn't read it, can get the gist! Don't think my mil got the memo! I'm generally a decent host and pretty laid back About such things, but the way she behAved prior to me giving birth Nd after was completely selfish. We've always had a good relationship but I've found it hard to forgive her! Inconsiderate guests are pretty much the last thing you need with a newborn and I'll admit to bring especially grateful to those who didn't expect to be waited on and who graciously bought food and offered help.

    It's nice to have a good 'village' that genuinely cares about our family rather than just wants to gawk at the Bubba and take selfies for Facebook

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    Just to add, what *I* don't need is people bumming around my house for hours on end expecting to be fed and brought regular coffee when I haven't had a shower or eaten myself, don't need people being snarky when my baby is feeding because they want to hold him, don't want them turning up within 2hrs of birth when they've been asked not to because I'm still naked , not showered and trying to nurse, don't want people *****ing to my hubby to to out to dinner with them and leave me and newbie at home or ***** when I won't take my 4 day newbie out at night in the middle of winter

    Etc.

    See? Still cross months on! Bahaaahaaa

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  13. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by HopefulK View Post
    I recently shared this article on my Facebook page as I thought it was spot on and offered some really good practical advice, however soon realised there are two distinct schools of thought when it comes to "the visit" after bringing bub home. Those who are respectful and want to genuinely help, and those who think its their god-given right to drop by whenever they feel like it and demand a cuddle. What do you think?

    http://williamsburgmothering.com/201...ow-these-tips/
    I've noticed that. Group a - are welcome to stay all day when I've had babies. Group B - have to gtfo asap.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Whoops I do most of that list.

    Sent from my HTC One SV using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    People coming over to clean and cook and organise an online meal delivery system for me would stress me the heck out.

    By all means come over and visit us but for heaven's sake just sit down and talk to me and coo over him or her.

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  18. #10
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    I didn't get through all of it before I stopped. 'Remember you are not there for the baby, you are there to help the family'.... What the .....???!

    I think that list is incredibly rude... Basically, don't come over unless you plan on doing my housework, cooking my meals & not actually holding the baby at all.

    I personally would feel really uncomfortable if my visitors came over & started doing all my housework. Yes, it would be lovely for them to offer, but I would never say yes. Unless maybe it was folding washing - cause I hate it (lol).

    I don't know, maybe because I never struggled in those first few weeks, I feel differently about it. I had already prepared lots of meals & had them frozen as a 'just in case' thing.


 

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