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  1. #11
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    I don't know how you could possibly feel guilty You're giving your kids the greatest gift at the time they need it most - you! I would just say because I could never put my kids in childcare and I imagine that would be the end of the conversation.

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  3. #12
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    I am a SAHM. My DH earns not much more then yours and we live pretty much the same way.
    We get alot of crap too. Mainly my in-laws think we should be both be working part time jobs, so we can both be involved with the kids equally.
    But DH wants me home with the kids full time.
    Doesn't matter really cause we are getting by and doing well.
    Screw what others think!

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  5. #13
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    OP could your inlaws actually be a bit concerned for you rather than trying to make you feel guilty? It's very natural for parents to worry about their children having to struggle financially and no one wants to see that (even if you aren't ). DH and I are both on very high incomes and our parents have only really stopped worrying about us in the last few years.

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    Does it suit you and your entire family? Is everyone in your family happy? Are you all healthy?

    then please don't feel guilty! I personally could never live that way, but does it make it bad or wrong? Absolutely not! Do I judge you as a person for it? Absolutely not.

    if it works for you all then be proud of the way you live and don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

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    I wouldn't worry! My DH supported me when I wanted to work but we didn't want our kids in childcare so we did what we called "tag team babysitting". We barely saw each other, like ships sailing in the night!! All in all we weren't much better off, I was exhausted and the kids missed me so when i worked that we made a decision to have me stay at home - It was the best decision ever!! My DH wants to go out and work for his family. He enjoys seeing what we have done that day. He LOVES that the kids are being raised by their Mum, the woman he admires and loves.

    I agree with Sonja that your in laws are probably just a little worried but what do they expect your H to do? He has a career in what is really a well paid trade, it is stable employment - he is providing well for his family and you are happy. It's reasonable to make enquiries as they are family, but really, next time - ask them if they are offering to help with those bills? They may never ask again!!

    You have every right to be very proud of who you are and what you are doing.

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    We never complain about not having money as whatever we need we find the money for it but they all know how much he earns as he's held the same job over 10 years so he was still living at home with his family and was quiet open about his income back then. We don't really talk to them much about money but they bring up a lot of things that they have bought or are going to do that cost a lot of money in our books, they tell us we should buy it or whatever and my husband just tells them we don't have the money for that. I guess he's a bit too open about things but that's just who he is, I guess he feels he can trust and be comfortable with his family but we're now seeing that isn't the case.
    The other night he was on the phone to his mother and she asked about our 2 night holiday we are about to take, she asked him how much we were spending on accommodation and told him it was too much, we were shocked and I thought it was completely rude that she even asked and told him he should of told her that it wasn't her business but he thought that would upset her.

  12. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Mummy View Post
    My husbands family mention finances every time we see them, which is often, always ask us how much our bills are and ask why my husband doesn't look for a better job or why I don't work, but when we reply that we're happy the way we are, they usually shrug their shoulders and walk away.
    Its absolutely none of their business how much your bills are! their son had moved or of their home and set up his own family, it's time for them to back off!

    If you think it's going to upset her telling her bluntly 'it's none of your business', then think of some ways to fob her off. Be vague, say you can't remember, say it was less or more than the last bill. Or say 'I'm not sure, how much was yours? ' If you turn it back on them, they might realize how intrusive they are being.

    My mum went thru a phase of this. You should buy this, you should dress nicer, etc etc. She had a lot of cash at the time & just couldn't put herself in my shoes. I'm a sahm too and we decided I'd stay home until the youngest is in school as well. Its sooooo annoying constantly having it rubbed in your face but just be strong in your decision, you have no reason to feel guilty, your kids will grow up knowing they are loved &important to you. No amount of income can buy that!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Mummy View Post
    We never complain about not having money as whatever we need we find the money for it but they all know how much he earns as he's held the same job over 10 years so he was still living at home with his family and was quiet open about his income back then. We don't really talk to them much about money but they bring up a lot of things that they have bought or are going to do that cost a lot of money in our books, they tell us we should buy it or whatever and my husband just tells them we don't have the money for that. I guess he's a bit too open about things but that's just who he is, I guess he feels he can trust and be comfortable with his family but we're now seeing that isn't the case.
    The other night he was on the phone to his mother and she asked about our 2 night holiday we are about to take, she asked him how much we were spending on accommodation and told him it was too much, we were shocked and I thought it was completely rude that she even asked and told him he should of told her that it wasn't her business but he thought that would upset her.
    I don't think your H should change who he is for his parents, we need more honest people in the world!!! I have learnt over time that the only people we can change is ourselves so rather than trying to change MIL and possibly starting a war, just work with yourself...DON'T FEEL BAD

    You are both doing so wonderfully well that you have to let her comments wash over you like water off a duck's back...don't let her attitude change yours, be proud and hold your head high, don't take her (or Their) remarks to heart, just smile and thank them for their concern, then tell them, "Really, we're Ok"

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    I'm a SAHM and the only guilt I have is that I sometimes feel that DH does more then me.
    I would feel guilty if I went back to work and wasn't there for my boys everyday. I think they need there mum more then they need expensive things. As long as you can feed, house and clothe them then how much money you earn just doesn't matter.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Mummy View Post
    My husbands family mention finances every time we see them, which is often, always ask us how much our bills are and ask why my husband doesn't look for a better job or why I don't work, but when we reply that we're happy the way we are, they usually shrug their shoulders and walk away.
    Tell them to butt out and mind their own business. Shrug shoulders and walk away!

    I am a SAHM and my youngest is 4 years old. When she goes off to school next year I still plan to be a SAHM. If my inlaws asked how many bills we had or what we earned I would be seeing red!


 

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