+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    106
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked
    40
    Reviews
    0

    Default Drugs, dvos and custody

    Ok, I have been having problems with my DP.

    He is smoking pot and probably selling it too.

    I don't want any part of it. He used to hide it from me but now it's out there. This guy is not the guy that I was dating.

    He has become a disrespectful, ignorant, arrogant, mysognistic control freak at home, while still maintaining a perfect front to the rest of the world.

    He has threatened me and our 2.5yo and 16mo, my family and friends.

    I need to leave and take out a Dvo but Im terrified. I'm moving important stuff to my mums and have a little money.

    Has anyone had experience with a Dvo? Because from what I've seen, in a lot of cases it doesn't work.

    Im also scared that eventually if I have to share custody, that I will hand over my kids to someone who can only tolerate the family when he's stoned or taking them on drug runs - my mind is going crazy!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    7,878
    Thanks
    3,397
    Thanked
    5,160
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I don't have experience with DVOs but couldn't read and run.

    Just wanted to say you only know if it will "work" if you try it. Try not to get too far ahead of yourself and focus on where you are at right now. Have you spoken to anyone about getting the dvo? Perhaps seek out some counselling for yourself to give you some strength in managing the situation.

    The fact that you have already moved things says you want out. Surround yourself in supportive family and friends and do what you need to do to make things better.


  3. #3
    MilkingMaid's Avatar
    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
    Question those who don't question authority
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    9,661
    Thanks
    3,787
    Thanked
    2,144
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Are you able to go to a womens refuge, and get the DVO sorted from there? I think the most important thing right now is to get yourself, and your children into a safe place, and then go from there.

    One step at a time.

    Unfortunately I can empathise with your situation, no experience with DVO's though.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    8,245
    Thanks
    1,772
    Thanked
    2,017
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a weekBusiest Member of the Week - Most posts for the week ended 19/6/2014
    I've taken out DVO's in the past and rather feel that they aren't worth the pieces of paper they were printed on!

    That aside, your situation is by far from ideal and you need an out.
    As PP suggest a womens refuge might be a good place to start. They will help you take out the DVO, help get the centrelink payments sorted, get you a crisis payment, help you sort out more permanent accommodation, and whatever you need help with really.

    Do you think you could tip off the police when he is dealing/ in possession. If there is a record of drug use, access might only be granted if supervised. This could be by another relative or in a contact centre ( think that's what they are called?).

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  5. #5
    LifeInShadesOfGrey's Avatar
    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
    Winner 2012 - Best Username
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    5,674
    Thanks
    2,052
    Thanked
    1,364
    Reviews
    35
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by HarvestMoon View Post
    Do you think you could tip off the police when he is dealing/ in possession. If there is a record of drug use, access might only be granted if supervised. This could be by another relative or in a contact centre ( think that's what they are called?).

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    That's what I was going to say.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,516
    Thanks
    432
    Thanked
    3,244
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I have no advice on the custody issue, only hugs.

    However, the personality change sounds more like he's been using synthetic pot over proper weed. If he's not the same guy you started being in a relationship wirh, it could be that. If that's the case, then I'm actually not sure if the drug use would hold up because the stuff isnt marketed or sold as a drug, and it's legal and doesn't show up on drug tests. It's also a lot more addictive than pot itself is. Ive been told by people who used to do ICE/meth that they gave up those drugs easier than they can give up the synthetic pot. I'm really sorry I can't be more help. =(

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    4,178
    Thanks
    1,267
    Thanked
    2,581
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    If you can get in touch with Legal Aid, they have a sub-department specifically for women in this kind of situation. It's free and the lawyers know all the ins and outs of this kind of thing. I've never been involved in the process personally, but within my job I have been caring for/involved with women going through the process. My advice is get out as soon as you can and contact Legal Aid as soon as you can.

    I have to disagree with a PP who basically says marijuana is ok. It's not. I have worked with people who smoke marijuana and it totally f*cked them up. So they weren't aggressive and violent like someone on meth, but the chemical reaction altered the wiring in their brains. This one guy I have looked after ended up in a treatment facility for 3 weeks. At the beginning of the stay he couldn't string a coherent sentence together. He has lost his job as an apprentice because of the effect the pot had on him, been kicked out of his apartment after sleeping with his flat mates gf while high and basically had no comprehension of what he was doing. After 3 weeks off the pot, you could have a complete conversation with him that actually made sense, he was looking for a new place to live and was in the process of re-establishing himself as an apprentice. It was pretty incredible to see the difference in him just from being clean.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    8,806
    Thanks
    7,267
    Thanked
    9,720
    Reviews
    5
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Modafinilguy View Post
    Well a few things I want to say.

    For the first thing, I hope I don't get in trouble for saying this but I understand that you obviously hate marijuana and drugs, but Marijuana itself is relatively benign. Absolutely this guy has wrong you in many ways.

    But in regards to Marijuana, well up until several months ago I used to have it. Not all the time but a couple of times per week, and when I was younger had it all the time!

    I would never act anything like the way you have described this guy acting. It is his personality coming out, and he has been deceiving you, and he probably can't deal with life and smokes pot to oblivion to try and escape, but Marijuana does NOT make people like that.

    I know a lot of people that have it, and sure some people with addictive personalities go overboard with it and it become a mild to moderate addiction thing, but I know a whole heap of highly respectable people that have it. They don't tell anybody at all, and you wouldn't know.

    A very close family member, university educated, great career, married, one kid and another on way, very patient and supportive of wife (NEVER aggressive), and he does it.

    My 17, and 19 year old nieces, and this is not my choice, but they do it. They are lovely though, highly affectionate, bright and bubbly. They work and study. Stable, healthy relationships.

    An old friend of mine used to date a podiatrist that was a regular user.

    I could give you countless more but wont. I am not advocating it, but I don't think it should be seen the same way hard, chemical drugs are, which are much worst and more dangerous.

    Threatening you with harm is absolutely no acceptable. Given how dodgy this guy sounds, he could possibly be doing other drugs but you don't know. Who knows he might be doing METH, now that is an AWFUL drug, I can assure you.

    As much as I feel Marijuana should be legal, you may be able to use it to your advantage if you truly feel (and it sounds like it) that he is not suitable to be around your children.

    Legally he won't get in much trouble unless he has a MASSIVE amount, but the judges in custody disputes tend to be more conservative, and it would likely add to your case. In regards to that, do what is best for your kids.
    Marijuana can caused drug induced psychosis and can cause the onset of other mental illnesses. Many people may use it without incident but that doesn't make it benign.

  9. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Atropos For This Useful Post:

    Ashfirst  (16-10-2013),blissfulfairy  (14-10-2013),CMF  (06-10-2013),FrothyFrog  (06-10-2013),LlamaMa  (14-10-2013),M'LadyEm  (06-10-2013),MilkingMaid  (06-10-2013)

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    8,806
    Thanks
    7,267
    Thanked
    9,720
    Reviews
    5
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by bohogirls View Post
    Ok, I have been having problems with my DP.

    He is smoking pot and probably selling it too.

    I don't want any part of it. He used to hide it from me but now it's out there. This guy is not the guy that I was dating.

    He has become a disrespectful, ignorant, arrogant, mysognistic control freak at home, while still maintaining a perfect front to the rest of the world.

    He has threatened me and our 2.5yo and 16mo, my family and friends.

    I need to leave and take out a Dvo but Im terrified. I'm moving important stuff to my mums and have a little money.

    Has anyone had experience with a Dvo? Because from what I've seen, in a lot of cases it doesn't work.

    Im also scared that eventually if I have to share custody, that I will hand over my kids to someone who can only tolerate the family when he's stoned or taking them on drug runs - my mind is going crazy!
    A DVO is just a piece of paper. However, breaching a DVO is serious. The idea is the threat of the serious charge of breaching a DVO should offer you some protection. You can approach your local police and ask to speak to the domestic violence liaison officer about your situation and how to proceed. You should also tell them about the drug use and that you suspect he is selling, and why. Can you stay with your mum? Or do you have enough money to get a new place?
    Regarding custody, you need to attend mediation, look up relationships Australia in your state to get the ball rolling. Any DVOs will be taken into account, if you don't want to sit in the same room as him you won't have to. But you will have to discuss your arrangements. If you can agree, you can get your parenting plan made into court orders. If you can agree, it may end up in court. But that stuff is way down the track. You need to get to a safe house first. All the best xx

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,689
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    I disagree with pp who thinks marijuana is the holy grail. Every person I know who has done Marijuana turned out to be a dip$hit. If you have existing personality flaws or a predisposed to mental illness Marijuana can result in a living nightmare. Even if you are the percentage of people who can handle marijuana without any side effects (!) then if you are still doing something that is illegal then that still says something to me about your lack of integrity.

    And if your DP is being an aggressive di@k towards you, he obviously isn't in the percentage of people that Marijuana is OK for. As another pp said I would Dob your DP into the cops for dealing/possession. Get it on the record that he is involved in illegal activity and it will help you with future custody..

  12. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:

    Anjalee  (06-10-2013),blissfulfairy  (14-10-2013),CMF  (06-10-2013),GrabbyCrabby  (14-10-2013),lambjam  (06-10-2013),M'LadyEm  (06-10-2013),Miados2007  (06-10-2013),~ElectricPink~  (14-10-2013)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Tell me about IVF drugs
    By Moose Caboose in forum IVF
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 29-05-2013, 15:52
  2. Ex dealing drugs - help!
    By llamamamma in forum Single Parents
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 12-10-2012, 21:45
  3. help with drugs, please?
    By YMo7 in forum Serious Health Issues
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 06-10-2012, 14:21

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Einsteinz Music
Make music at Einsteinz Music in age-appropriate class in Sydney's Inner West, Eastern Suburbs or North Shore. For ages 6 mths - 4 yrs. All music is live! Christmas Gift certificates available for full term or casual classes. Call 0431 338 143
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Cryosite Family Cord Blood & Tissue Bank
Cryosite has been providing Cord Blood Banking services for over 12 years, and is the trusted choice of Australian families. To discuss the benefits of banking your baby's cord blood & tissue stem cells call us on 1800 220 410.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!