I've been generally balanced the last week or so, ie. not suicidal, able to run my business well and be a parent to 5 and wife to 1. I'm on so much medication (suboxone, Xanax, lorazepam, pristiq, noten...) that I feel it's just that keeping me functioning. I have a counsellor one hour one direction, a case worker who showed up to see me at the pool today for an appointment to ask me what I wanted from them and that I need to stop Xanax and go see their psychiatrist and hour in the other direction.
I'm keeping it together, my business is excellent and going really well but this sadness is lapping at the edges. It's there and I just feel I could burst into tears. I'm at work. Everything is fabulous. I'm making so much money at work, people are loving the new refurbishments and new menu. I have mil and my mum coming each once a month for a few days to help out. Kids are on holidays which I love. Life is so good and I just feel like I'm going to burst into tears