+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12
  1. #1
    TimeForWine's Avatar
    TimeForWine is offline Taking everyday one wine at a time...
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    409
    Thanks
    1,060
    Thanked
    422
    Reviews
    0

    Default Death - how do i explain it to a child..

    Hi,

    Are they any things I shouldnt say to a child (5 year old) when trying to explain that someone has passed away?

    Any ideas as to what would be the best way to do this?

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Tenambit.
    Posts
    9,037
    Thanks
    1,564
    Thanked
    2,936
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Personally I wouldn't liken it to sleeping, and I don't suggest that you will see this person again.
    I talk about the cycle of life, all living things eventually die..ie the things that keep them alive, brain, heart etc - stop working.

  3. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to FiveInTheBed For This Useful Post:

    jagamoe  (01-10-2013),Mmumm  (01-10-2013),nicole83  (01-10-2013),TimeForWine  (01-10-2013),~ElectricPink~  (03-10-2013)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    1,465
    Thanks
    575
    Thanked
    597
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    an age appropriate picture/fiction book?

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to My Beloved Ones For This Useful Post:

    TimeForWine  (01-10-2013)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Hobart, Tasmania
    Posts
    5,946
    Thanks
    1,973
    Thanked
    2,080
    Reviews
    16
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    We don't 'sugar coat' death in this house, it is, after all, just part of life, though it is sad when someone we love dies.

    So, for us, we use do use words like 'dead', 'death' and 'died' rather than things like 'passed away' or 'sleeping'. We just explained to our children that as you get older, you can get sick and your body doesn't work as well as it used to, so at some point when we're old, every one will die, but that's okay.

    When their great nan died a couple of months ago, we went to see her, explained to them that she was very tired and doesn't really talk anymore and that she'd just be laying in the bed because she's sick and that she's going to die, but that they could go and see her, give her a cuddle and tell her that they loved her and that they would miss her. They did.

    They were expecting the fact that she would die, they knew what it mean, that she would die, she would have a funeral, she would be buried deep in the ground, in a nice box (keeping it simple) and that her body would eventually become part of the dirt and help things grow, grass, trees, flowers etc. They understood it meant that they wouldn't see her again. Though the 3yo did ask a few times in the following weeks what happened to 'old nanny' and would he see her again, at which time we just reminded him "no buddy, old nanny died, remember?" and he was okay with that

    I know it's probably a little bit morbid for some, but death is still such a taboo subject and people feel uncomfortable discussing it, whilst I want my children to be okay with death as part of life. We also explained to them why they don't have a poppy because DH's dad passed away quite a few years ago from being sick, so we explained it all to them, he was sick, and his body was too broken to be fixed so one day, he died, and he was cremated (turned to ash)

    As a result, I have 3 children (3, 5, 7) who know about death and are comfortable with it.

  7. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Lillynix For This Useful Post:

    SpecialK  (01-10-2013),Super Trooper  (01-10-2013),TimeForWine  (01-10-2013)

  8. #5
    TimeForWine's Avatar
    TimeForWine is offline Taking everyday one wine at a time...
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    409
    Thanks
    1,060
    Thanked
    422
    Reviews
    0
    What about if the person who died is a baby? How do I go about that? Sorry....

    Should i just say that the baby was born a bit too early and that he then passed away / died (not sure which one i will use) - but was with his mummy at that time so he was surrounded with love? And they said goodbye and he is now in heaven???

    Do you think that would be ok?

  9. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Lala Land
    Posts
    1,599
    Thanks
    235
    Thanked
    376
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I think that would be perfect. I always try to be truthful and we dont talk about it as being a bad thing. Its sad and we miss the people who have died but the love is still there. (And being Catholic we talk about Heaven etc).

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to Raising Leprechauns For This Useful Post:

    TimeForWine  (01-10-2013)

  11. #7
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    945
    Thanks
    212
    Thanked
    221
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Lillynix View Post
    We don't 'sugar coat' death in this house, it is, after all, just part of life, though it is sad when someone we love dies.

    So, for us, we use do use words like 'dead', 'death' and 'died' rather than things like 'passed away' or 'sleeping'. We just explained to our children that as you get older, you can get sick and your body doesn't work as well as it used to, so at some point when we're old, every one will die, but that's okay.

    When their great nan died a couple of months ago, we went to see her, explained to them that she was very tired and doesn't really talk anymore and that she'd just be laying in the bed because she's sick and that she's going to die, but that they could go and see her, give her a cuddle and tell her that they loved her and that they would miss her. They did.

    They were expecting the fact that she would die, they knew what it mean, that she would die, she would have a funeral, she would be buried deep in the ground, in a nice box (keeping it simple) and that her body would eventually become part of the dirt and help things grow, grass, trees, flowers etc. They understood it meant that they wouldn't see her again. Though the 3yo did ask a few times in the following weeks what happened to 'old nanny' and would he see her again, at which time we just reminded him "no buddy, old nanny died, remember?" and he was okay with that

    I know it's probably a little bit morbid for some, but death is still such a taboo subject and people feel uncomfortable discussing it, whilst I want my children to be okay with death as part of life. We also explained to them why they don't have a poppy because DH's dad passed away quite a few years ago from being sick, so we explained it all to them, he was sick, and his body was too broken to be fixed so one day, he died, and he was cremated (turned to ash)

    As a result, I have 3 children (3, 5, 7) who know about death and are comfortable with it.
    We are very much like this. Although when I've had to explain a baby's death I usually say something along the lines of baby was born too early, their heart wasnt strong enough yet.
    I think what youre thinking is perfect.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to Niki24 For This Useful Post:

    TimeForWine  (01-10-2013)

  13. #8
    TimeForWine's Avatar
    TimeForWine is offline Taking everyday one wine at a time...
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    409
    Thanks
    1,060
    Thanked
    422
    Reviews
    0
    Thank you all so much - i know there is no wrong or right way but i have been putting this off because i know she will be devasted so im trying to be gentle - will talk to her tomorrow x thank you

  14. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Hobart, Tasmania
    Posts
    5,946
    Thanks
    1,973
    Thanked
    2,080
    Reviews
    16
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by TimeForWine View Post
    What about if the person who died is a baby? How do I go about that? Sorry....

    Should i just say that the baby was born a bit too early and that he then passed away / died (not sure which one i will use) - but was with his mummy at that time so he was surrounded with love? And they said goodbye and he is now in heaven???

    Do you think that would be ok?
    I think that sounds perfectly okay, but I personally wouldn't mention heaven unless it is something that you actually believe

  15. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Lillynix For This Useful Post:

    FiveInTheBed  (01-10-2013),TimeForWine  (01-10-2013)

  16. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    10,618
    Thanks
    905
    Thanked
    1,482
    Reviews
    19
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    I had to explain to my 5 year old earlier this year. I told her that the person is question was very old and her body stopped working. I got lots of questions such us - will we see her again, what if she gets lonely or hungry, can we go visit her etc so be prepared for that (I was not and got quite thrown by the questions)

  17. The Following User Says Thank You to MothersMilk For This Useful Post:

    TimeForWine  (01-10-2013)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Circumcision death?
    By Rarity in forum Discuss It
    Replies: 112
    Last Post: 14-03-2013, 15:16
  2. Death From Circumcision
    By Lovemyfam in forum Anti Routine Infant Circumcision
    Replies: 73
    Last Post: 15-11-2012, 14:04
  3. Family death
    By claudiakathleen in forum Issues with Family Members
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 12-11-2012, 15:26

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Xmas with a NEW Fridge-to-go Lunch Bag! Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Fridge-to-go 8 hour cooler bags are ideal under the Christmas tree! Now in modern lunch bag designs - fill them with toys and chocolate to make parents and kids happy! Stay super cool and eat healthy and fresh food all summer long!
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Ro and Co
Ro and Co kids cooking classes and parties are a fantastic way for children to experiment with food. The classes and parties are designed to be both educational and fun, giving your child the skills they need to be confident and creative in the kitchen.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!