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  1. #1
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    Default Help dealing with SS?

    DF has a child conceived from a one night stand about 8 years ago.

    By the time he found out she was pregnant, he was already in a new relationship (prior to me).

    He has always paid child support and contributed financially for other things his kid needs, but wasn't really involved in the pregnancy or I guess the nitty gritty of it all.

    I don't think he has ever really bonded with his kid (who lives interstate), and since him and I have had a child together, he feels constant guilt about this and all the things he missed out on with his first.

    His DS is also quite upset that we've had a child so doesn't want to visit us either (DF flies there to see him, not very often though).

    I actually don't usually get involved when it comes to DF and his child but I really feel DF needs help dealing with it all, and I'd like my son to get to know his half-brother.

    How have you dealt with a similar situation?

  2. #2
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    Anyone?

  3. #3
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    Is a tricky one when it sounds like he hasn't really seen much of his Dad. Can your DF go down there and spend some one on one time with him or even a big brother type gift from bubby?

  4. #4
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    I think geographically this is not as easy as some.

    My ex husband has a daughter but we are only ten minutes drive away.

    Can you all fly down? Can you SS come visit us you for a week? Get your DF to take a photo of your son in a frame to give to your SS, and have your DF give a framed photo of your SS to place in your sons room.

    Unless your DF negotiates something with your SS mother, it would make it difficult to have your son part of his half brothers life.

  5. #5
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    We could all fly there, its just DF isn't comfortable with DS on planes just yet, thinks he's too young (he's 14mo lol), and his son doesn't want to come and stay with us, so DF goes on his for now.

    Last time he tried to talk about DS his son just kept changing the subject and didn't want to talk about it, so I don't think the picture would go down well, it'd just be photographic evidence that DF has another child.

    The ex is open to us all meeting, so that's a start.

  6. #6
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    I think your partner needs to start looking for more ways to be in touch with his son and develop that relationship.

    Can they start skyping on a weekly basis?

    Make visits more predictable?

    Sending letters/postcards regularly?

    Not sure how your partner can have an issue with his 14 month old flying...seems a little OTT! I would be having a family holiday there and just inviting DSS to come on some day trips with you all (less pressure) but have a bed there for him if he wants to stay (get a cabin at a holiday park type things. Let it develop slowly.

    If bio mum is onside (sounds like she is) then maybe they could do some "family counselling" together. NOt in any way trying to get together as a family but so DSS could get a feel for where he belongs. I as sure making a few calls you could find someone who specialises with blended families?

    It takes time and effort and it might be a really good thing that things have come up now and that he wants to make things better.


 

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