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  1. #1
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    Default How would you handle this - 4yo tantrum

    I was shopping with my sister and her 4yo DS yesterday and he had a tantrum to end all tantrums in Target when he wasn't allowed to have the $100 Thomas station he wanted. The screaming was unbelievable, absolute hysteria that he couldn't snap out of. My sister tried to tell him reasonably why he couldn't have it (and maybe to ask Santa etc), then tried "you're shouting and I'm not going to listen until you're speaking quietly", then tried to walk off and leave him (while he swung on her shirt and skidded on his heels) etc. He's getting too big to just pick up and walk out of the shop. In the old days he'd have got a smack and dragged out by his ear, but you can't get away with that now!

    DH and I were talking about it last night and trying to work out what we'd do if our DS does that at that age. It was 2yo tantrum behaviour but 2yos are much easier to physically manage!

    So what would you do?

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    I remember dd did that once at 4. I took her hand, marched her out of the shopping centre and there was a consequence (no tv that day I think and she probably lost stars from her reward chart).

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    I would have done the same as your sister, then if he didn't listen I would have dragged him out of the shop, went straight home and then disciplined him there.

    My kids love Thomas and at that age I would have confiscated the rest of his Thomas toys for 24 hours minimum.

    Then next time we would go to the shops I'd explain my expectations of him whilst still in the car (and probably repeat it another 5 times b4 we parked the car!).

    If he behaved, I'd buy him a $3 bottle of bubbles in Coles as a reward for good behavior.

    Kids can be tough to deal with. My 3.5 yr old is getting better but sometimes even the best parents can get caught out.

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    Did he follow after her walking off?? I would've done exactly the same as your sister and luckily my 5 year follows if say 'I'm not having a rude boy in my car. I hope you know the way home or you can calm down before we get there.' Works every time for me. DS2 (who is 2) different story. I carry him out crying if he has a meltdown cos he would never ever follow. Thankfully it's been a very long time since this has happened.

    In my head I'd love to sit down on the floor and carry on like them kicking and screaming for what I want. I do this at home - I mimic them to show them how ridiculous they sound. It often ends in them laughing at how silly it looks. I might actually do this in the middle of a shop one day - just for sh!ts and giggles

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    I would do the same.

    If we walk away from Dsd when she is doing that she will always follow ( still screaming and carrying on mind you) and we leave and go home. ( unless we need to be where we are and in that case she gets no treats or rewards that day).

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    I am a firm believer that if you acknowledge a behaviour you give it power, so I choose to ignore. My DD 4 has had a few doozies in last few weeks which has consisted of hitting me, screaming until she gags and spitting on the floor (which she was made to clean up after she had calmed down a bit) and this was in the middle of the shop. I don't care where we are, if she goes off on one, she is placed on time-out. Doesn't work for everyone, and I know not everyone agrees with it, but it's the only form of discipline she respects.

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    TimeForWine is offline Taking everyday one wine at a time...
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    Do you not agree with how your sister handled it?

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    There isn't much you can do really. I would have done the same as your sister but probably picked DD up and put her in the trolley and got the heck out of there and has a big chat when we got home and she'd calmed down. If I try and reason with DD in public she gets worse and I get flustered

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    I wouldn't have tried to explain too much about the toy> I just tell DS no it is too expensive and he usually gets that. He hasn't ever really misbehaved in public but when he does I just say that is it we are going now and walk off. Very quickly. Without stopping. You need to shock them out of the screaming to start with. Then I take him home.

    I find if 4 has been a very challenging age with boys as he is so stroppy. But on our way out I tell him we will not be buying toys, or he can have one small thing, or etc.... so he knows when we get there what my expectation is.

  11. #10
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    I would of (and do) count to 3 and put them in time out. If that wasn't working and I had the free hands (didn't have DS1, DD a pram to manage too) I would pick him up and carry him out like a sack of potatoes to the car. If I did have them I would have to wait it out unfortunately.


 

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