I'm not sure if this is in the right spot so feel free to move it if needed mods.
My DD is only 4 1/2 months old and I have run out of maternity leave. I applied for parenting payment and was told I would get $93 a fortnight. Even combined with some FTB A and B its not enough to live off. So instead of doing a teaching degree at uni whilst being a full time carer for DD I now face having to head back to work for at least 2 days and doing uni externally. To me it feels like I will be a part time worker, part time student and part time mum and I hate the idea!
I am so upset (been crying for a few days) as this is the complete opposite of what I want for DD. She is still 100% breastfed, has never had a bottle in her life! And she has never been looked after by anyone without me there. If I couldn't stay at home for years and do uni I at least wanted 6 months but I cant even have that! She is still so little and now I feel like I have to start defining her routine, rush the introduction of bottles and generally shake up her whole little world and change the relaxed way I parent. Plus, I don't want to miss anything and she is on the verge of so many things right now. And she is still so little.
Logic tells me that I am not the only one who has felt this way and that she will be ok in the care of my mum who, next to me and DP is her favourite adult. But logic doesn't make me feel less sad and alone right now. The only thing I have known for sure in my life is that I want to be a mum.
I guess this is just me wanting to be heard and wanting someone to understand and sympathise.