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  1. #11
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    Sorry to keep posting I just really felt like this was me posting as I was going through the exact same thing....

    The PP is spot on.
    Sounds like your DF has little confidence or unsure what to do... Mine was the same you need to give him space with the baby and let him figure it out even if you think/know it is wrong

  2. #12
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    Leave baby in husbands care for a full day..... Or even half a day and you go out and relax. He should have HALF the responsibility- working or not. You need a break and he needs to lift his game/know what a huge job you are doing.
    As for the sleeping- get a professional in to help- my sisters bub went from all day over tired, a bit hungry, a bit cranky to a proper pattern within an hour of a professional coming in and letting them know how its done. She now sleeps through the night-10 hours no feed needed and regularly through the day no problems- this was from 6 weeks. It saved their sanity

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    You don't expect enough!

  4. #14
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    Thanks for the advice, I've tried everything I can think of to get him to sleep more in the day. He will usually go to sleep alright if I feed him in bed or even if I just lay him down next to me. He used to like being rocked/walked but he's getting to heavy for that. The biggest problem is just that he doesn't sleep long enough. He wakes up as soon as I move or when I try to put him in his cot. He wakes up screaming and then takes ages to resettle and I have to start over.

    He is fine at night, he will usually wake up once for a night feed. We get the occasional crap night where he's up every couple of hours but all he wants is a boob and then he will go back to sleep easily. I don't expect DF to get up to him in the night because I know all he wants is a feed so there's no point waking DF up too. He usually sleeps at least 4 hours at a time at night so I have no idea why he won't sleep longer during the day.

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    On the sleep thing, I have twins who are about the same age as yours. My girls are great at night but not good at sleeping during the day. I don't know why and I'm working really hard to change it but just letting you know that it seems to be reasonably common. I'm staying positive about the fact that we have good nights as I've heard so many poor parents who don't have this.
    As for your partner....i left mine with bubs for a whole day a while back. All I did was feed when he brought them to me. By the end of the day he was utterly exhausted and no housework had been done. He now helps a lot!!

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  6. #16
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    Just bear in mind that for the first 9 months of your baby's life they were fed on demand, rocked to sleep and were permanently cuddled. That's all they know when they are born so we really shouldn't expect much different from that!

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  8. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by NAT256 View Post
    As for your partner....i left mine with bubs for a whole day a while back. All I did was feed when he brought them to me. By the end of the day he was utterly exhausted and no housework had been done. He now helps a lot!!

    Sent from my GT-S5830T using The Bub Hub mobile app
    I would love to have a day where I could just relax all day and have bub brought to me for feeds! I think he does want to help with bubs, he offers to take him all the time and he always takes him when I ask it's just that bub ends up crying and upset and then DF assumes he is hungry because he can't settle him, but 9 times out of ten he's just overtired.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Busy-Bee View Post
    Just bear in mind that for the first 9 months of your baby's life they were fed on demand, rocked to sleep and were permanently cuddled. That's all they know when they are born so we really shouldn't expect much different from that!
    This!

    My baby is similar... she sleeps so well at night but during the day doesn't want to sleep and if she does go down will only sleep for about 40 minutes unless she falls asleep on me then she will sleep for hours but I don't get anything done. If I put her in a carrier its not bad and she falls asleep and I can get some things done,

  10. #19
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    I used to write down what I did all day. Most of it was feed baby, settle baby, feed baby, re-settle baby, nap with baby. Then I showed dh. He soon understood why the washing never gets hung out!!
    I lowered my expectations, including housework while bub was so little and we were still trying to find ourselves.
    i asked for help. When my mum visited she helped out with chores/errands and cooked some meals to freeze.
    Getting You time is soooo important, however I did not leave my baby for 6 mths because he was a constant feeder. It was hard and I felt very"stuck" but we got thru it.
    i promise you it gets better, they learn to sleep. Sometimes you need to teach bub this. Have a read of some books pp mentioned and take/leave what applies to you and your baby.
    As for your df, it sounds like he has no idea. But he can't be blamed as I don't think there is much communication between the two of you, just reading ur post. Can you delegate him bath time? Let him control it, let him do it his way. Leave him to it. That way, you can put ur feet up for 30mins.
    I think u need to both sit and talk one night when by a is asleep and discuss your needs and wants. I don't think you are expecting too much but I do think you are expecting too much from your df who really, has no insight on how you are struggling ATM....please talk to each other and support each other especially during this vulnerable and stressful time.
    it gets better Hun x

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  12. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by DarcyJ View Post
    I would love to have a day where I could just relax all day and have bub brought to me for feeds! I think he does want to help with bubs, he offers to take him all the time and he always takes him when I ask it's just that bub ends up crying and upset and then DF assumes he is hungry because he can't settle him, but 9 times out of ten he's just overtired.
    Oh no....it was far from relaxing! Its hard to see things not being done the way you know works, but it was important that DH had a go for himself. He now asks my opinion when the girls are cranky when they're with him and I let him know what I guess is the problem but also support him when he is taking the initiative. I also ask what he thinks whenever I can and value his opinion.. I'm no expert either and I want him to be, and feel, capable of parenting well. One day he asked if o could write down my current routine with them so he knew without asking at each stage of the day. It was on a saturday and he wanted to be able to give me a break. Could you try this?
    Also DH has them for ' daddy time' for the hour and a half after he gets home from work until they go to bed. This has been his to do what he wants with all along and he's worked out what works at this time (which usually involves watching a fishing show together! Ha!) I make myself scarce and just help if he asks. Could you start with a certain time like this? Even if its once a week.

    Sent from my GT-S5830T using The Bub Hub mobile app


 

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