Ok so few weeks ago DP proposed I hesitated but said yes. I do love him & we have children together but why did I hesitate.
The whole thought of marriage & happily ever after is something I never thought I'd get I've always felt ill end up old alone & bitter
my parents divorced when I was 4 my mother & I don't talk she's always been very spiteful & run down my dad to me & my brother & after watching her go through boyfriend after boy friend n then marrying her ex husband & staying with him for 10 yrs n ignoring the abuse me & my brother copped & being a submissive door may & allowing herself & us as kids to be treated worse than dirt by that man finally growing a pair & leaving him & then another string of deadbeat boyfriends I feel like ill repeat her foot steps
I haven't had any good marriage role models except my grandparents & no idea how to keep a relationship going long term I'm just winging it.
So today DP asks if we wanna set a date for wedding & suggests next year & I freak out & feel like it's rushing into it & 5 million other thoughts.
Aren't I supposed to want this happily ever after marriage kids etc
I feel like why do I have to get married why can't just stay engaged n commited relationship ?
. Seriously feel like What's wrong with me ?
Any input or advice would be great