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  1. #1
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    Default Would you get a cleaner without telling your DH/DP?

    First let me state clearly that this is NOT the type of relationship we have. We are totally open and honest about everything and I am not sure if I could even go through with it but...I can't keep on top of it all!
    Background - DD-5, DS - 3 and Ds-6m. I am really struggling to keep the house clean - tidy is not too bad but the big cleaning jobs just don't get done. I am not the best housewife but not cause I am lazy - I never stop - but there is just so much to do and so much picking up and dropping off to do, plus the baby who wants his cuddles naturally.
    Anyway - DH is completely opposed to a cleaner. I have raised it before and he is vehemently against it and we always end up fighting but he just can not see the things I see and it does not bother his if the bathroom has not been cleaned for a month.
    He also loves to say .." my mum and my sister managed' ( yes and they never did/do a single extracurricular activity with their kids).
    So - I am looking at going to back to work end of Dec and I seriously scared as to how the house will be if I am working again ( 3 days a week). I just can't do it. DH helps but not as much as he thinks he does and as I said - some things just don't bother him. Eg - if the floors need doing and feel dirty underfoot - he'll start wearing his shoes inside rather then think ' you know what C is having a hard time getting to this - I might do it for her'.
    Anyway - I have contact with a cleaner $20 an hour ( so bugger all) and I am so tempted to just get her in for the big things once a fortnight and not tell him but I would feel so guilty. Should I feel guilty with a clean house or miserable living in a dirty house??? What would you do? Should I just keep arguing with him? Opinions?

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    I consider it sometimes.

    He'd deem it an unnecessary expense, and wonder why I can't just do it myself. He's SAY "we" but he'd mostly mean "me," with the very odd occasion where he changes the dishwasher or something.

    I haven't done it, but I often loosely consider it.

  3. #3
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Sounds like you should just hire her. But, I wouldn't be able to not tell my DH; I'd hire her and say to him "If you have such a problem with having a clean house/less stressed wife/mother, then you can get rid of the cleaner but also do the cleaning yourself.. "
    Why is he so opposed to you getting some help? If it's clearly important to you, he should just respect that- how will it hinder him in any way?
    Sorry, it's a toughie. But no, I don't think I could hide it from my DH- I don't like keeping secrets, even though it sounds like your DH he is being really unreasonable..
    I'd rather hire a cleaner and tell DH to like it or lump it!
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 24-09-2013 at 15:50.

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    I have thought about it. Every time I bring a cleaner up my DH say, "I'll do the cleaning". It never happens! I hate that all the house work falls on my shoulders. My DH is so helpful with cooking and outside maintenance but not with cleaning. I find it so hard to keep up. If we could afford it I would do think about doing it behind his back!

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    Quote Originally Posted by moosey View Post
    I have thought about it. Every time I bring a cleaner up my DH say, "I'll do the cleaning". It never happens! I hate that all the house work falls on my shoulders. My DH is so helpful with cooking and outside maintenance but not with cleaning. I find it so hard to keep up. If we could afford it I would do think about doing it behind his back!
    This is my DH - I'll help and he NEVER does. Or he might for a week and then that's it. He gets so angry about it though when I raise so it is very hard to have a rational conversation about it. I have no idea why he gets so mad..I think because it is something we have argued about for a few years now so it is a topic that instantly get blood boiling.
    He also seems to be of the opinion that I could do more if i wanted to ( he is so wrong).
    I think he should respect what I want and how I feel but then he says I should respect him - what can I say to that??

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    well seeing as I am the bossier one in our relationship I would just get one then tell DH we were having a cleaner. But if he was really opposed I would just get one and not tell him. He does SFA around the house, thinks he does heaps, does NOTHING.

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    Tempting isnt it!
    If i felt i was struggling then i would basically tell DP that was what i was doing. He generally wants me to be happy so if this makes me happy then he should be too. I would probably go along the lines of saying i was struggling physically and emotionally and i felt it was negatively impacting me as a partner and mother and employee. That it is only $ and if it gives me peace of mind and extra time to do the things i want with my family instead of only being thier maid then he should be happy with that. Maybe guilting him a little but oh well.

  10. #8
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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    You should respect him? In keeping you stressed out??!!!!

    I say stuff him! Get the cleaner and tell him it's up to him to get rid of her if he doesn't like it BUT I'd wait a month or so before I told him. Maybe then he'll be able to notice the difference the cleaner makes.

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    Shame on your partner for not valuing your time more.

    OP, I say "f@5k" him.

    Fair enough if he doesn't want to spend money on a cleaner but if that's the case then he can pick up the slack himself but he won't so...get that cleaner in.

    And....send him a bill for all of the cleaning work you do around the house...maybe he will value your time and your wellbeing more then.

    I thought my Dp was slack but he will actually do anything around the house, if I ask him. I just need to get over myself and ask properly, instead of hoping that he will intuitive these things.


    Sent from my GT-I9100 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Last edited by Albert01; 24-09-2013 at 16:09.

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    My DH was opposed to a cleaner as well, when I fell pregnant I thought stuff this and just told him I was getting one - best decision I ever made. I only have her once a fortnight and love, love, love coming home on those days.

    DH now never gets nagged about cleaning the bathroom. I'm not sure whether he notices that she's been or not but for the relatively small cost to make me happy and prevent fights she is worth every penny.

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