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  1. #41
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    I'm really disliking a lot of the attitude in this thread too.

    Before having my daughter a year ago, I was a high school teacher. I also have a few tween-age female relatives, so plenty of exposure to kids dealing with the kids of societal pressures discussed above.

    I think discussing these issues with kids is a great idea... talking about the kinds of messages people will read into appearance, and finding your own style to suit what makes you feel good and how you want to come across. Trying to TELL girls what they should/shouldn't wear though utterly disgusts me. No, I wouldn't be pleased if my daughter started walking around wearing little more than underwear, but it would not be my place to tell her that she couldn't. I'd share my concerns...

    From all my interactions with young girls/women (and boys too), I think the most damaging part of this is the idea that someone else should be able to control what a girl wears, and what that means. To hear a 14 year old girl calling another girl a ****, and saying that she's therefore not worthy of any respect, because she wears short shorts... to hear 16 year old boys gossiping about how big a girl's breasts are, but then saying they'd never date a girl who wasn't a virgin/who showed cleavage etc. Now where do you think they get these ideas?

    A sense of self-worth is at the core of it. A young woman who values herself, and knows that she's just as important of anyone else REGARDLESS of what she wears... now that's what I hope my daughter becomes. Not someone who wears modest clothing because her parents disapprove of "skanky" clothing.

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  3. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by lovepurplebutterflies View Post
    But that's just it they are by adults/boys and other girls it's a fact...
    Then those adults need to look at why they are doing that, and those boys and girls need to be raised better and taught not to judge based on clothing. Jmo.

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  5. #43
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    Perhaps I'm being a bit naïve and just reading into things what I want to see, but when I read people not wanting their daughters to dress 'skankily' I interpret that to mean that they don't want their daughters to feel the need to present themselves as a sexual object first and foremost. I don't see this as s.lut shaming (I don’t think anyone has insinuated that they are ‘asking for it’ or anything like that), i see it as being concerned about how young women value themselves (and how they are taught to value themselves). Also, when I read about people wanting to 'lock up' their daughters, I read that as people saying they want to protect their kids from the dominant negative influences that are focused on women. Maybe I've got it all wrong, but that's how I've been seeing the posts.

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  7. #44
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    I usually agree with you 100% on all women's issues. But I don't agree with you on this ( The world has gone topsy turvy!)

    I have a huge problem with the over sexualisation of all females, girls, teens and women. And this falls into that category for me.

    But really, what chance does anyone stand? Our whole society is geared towards it. I saw someone buying their young daughter, maybe 7 or 8 a bra and panties set last summer. What is going on with the world.

    Quote Originally Posted by sockstealingpoltergeist View Post
    I don't believe in shaming girls to dress a certain way.
    I don't believe in telling girls to cover up for safety. You are not any safer if you wear a long dress or a short one.

    What I told my daughter was that she should wear things that made her happy, that she loved, that made her feel god. She should think about what truly suited her. I explained that people would judge her depending on the circumstance and if they deemed what she was wearing appropriate (unfair but true). I told her instead of bowing to media pressure and others expectations that she should get her own style going.

    My daughter has big breasts and gets stared at no matter what she's wearing ( she usually wears t shirts and jeans).

    I taught her about the male gaze.
    http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress....male-gaze”/

    Young girls are doing what they have always done, I don't remember it any differently from my high school days. The difference is we now have more info and can equip them differently.

    P.S I really hate the s(ut shaming thing.

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  9. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by sockstealingpoltergeist View Post
    I have seen I believe s(ut and *****, come up, and dressing for safety.

    I never ever refer to any woman as a biatch, wh0re, sl@t or sk@nk.
    I am very careful about the message I send my daughter about what society tells about women and girls.
    Oh yes, here we are - back to normal I agree with this 100%!

  10. #46
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    My parents encouraged me to dress "to be myself" not to "avoid looking like a ****". Actually, looking like a **** was never mentioned or insinuated by my own parents.

    I wore short shorts, short skirts, low cut tops. I also wore Dr Martens, Nirvana shirts and cargo shorts. Not once, not in any type of clothing, did I take multiple sexual partners. I never "let" anybody take advantage of me because I was wearing a short skirt.

    My daughter can wear whatever she wants (within logical reason). At 11 I asked my grandmother to make me bell bottom pants and flower child mini-skirts. I dressed like a flower child reject for 18 months because I wanted to. Even now I have a fairly eclectic wardrobe: because I want to.

    Today my daughter is wearing fairy wings, a tutu, and silver sandals. Last week she wore cowboy pants and a cowboy vest.

    If you seriously write off people as "skanky" or "slutty" because of what they wear, I feel sorry for you. You may just miss out on meeting some really cool people. Like me! I can still rock a mini skirt! My midriff has seen better days however!

    Sent from my GT-N8010 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  12. #47
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    In fairness, OP said nothing about Skanky or Sl**iness or any of those other things, she said that some of the clothes reminded her of soft Pron - which is true. They do - because our society is over-sexualising women, teens and girls. There is nothing offensive nor untrue in her post.

  13. #48
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    I know every generation is like this... and I suppose while I'm condemning Miley Cyrus for acting as she has, my mother was probably all, "WTF?!" when Christina Aguilera decided she was Xtina and smothered herself in baby oil and fake tan, with her butt-less chaps and hot pants underneath. (To be fair though, even as a young teenager I thought that was trashy... but I'm sure plenty thought it was cool!).

    BUUUUUUT... I must say, the fact that kids are having sex at 12 freaks me out. That didn't happen when I was 12... not commonly anyway. So yeah, the pressure for that to happen younger, worries me. I don't want my child being sexually active practically the moment she grows her first pubic hair. Blergh.

    I don't let her just wear what she wants though. I go to school discos with her, and I can see that plenty of parents either don't care, or don't think they have the right to say no to their child's fashion preferences, but I use "no way in hell," quite a bit when perusing our next clothing purchase for DD (age 8). She's tall too... so I mostly buy size 10s. In all honesty, most of my options are dresses (often too short for her), short shorts (where the crotch hangs lower than the leg holes) or skinny jeans... midriff tops (or "mullet" style tops)... or singlets... or things with stupid "boys/shopping/makeup/1D," stuff printed all over it.

    If I can find something that's different... I get it... but like many people, I can't justify spending $50 on a pair of kids shorts that will last only the season... so price does come into it.

    It's hard to find the balance between what appropriate IMO and what's not going to get her teased at school. I imagine that fine line will only narrow as the years go on too. Teasing at school can be incredibly hard when you're a kid, and I don't want to do anything that's going to cause much of it... but at the same time, I'm not going to agree to stuff that belongs only a stripper just because her friends are wearing it.

    Whether people should judge girls based on what they wear or not is irrelevant - because people DO. I'd say many girls aren't dressing like they do because they like it that much either - they're just doing what everyone else is doing, or doing it because it makes them look cool or get the attention they want. Personally, I want to avoid my daughter from attracting the kind of attention that comes with having your buttcheeks hang out of your shorts.

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  15. #49
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    Meh. I wore short short skirts, midriff tops, plenty of cleavage, the whole shebang. Still do on occasion I respect myself. I am flippin awesome. I EVEN had one night stands and slutted around in my youth. I can't see how it effects anyone else.
    If my DD feels comfortable and confident wearing what she pleases, then I will be happy for her. If she enjoys consensual sex with whomever she pleases I will be over the moon for her.

    I sometimes wonder whether the tut-tutting at the younger generations has an element of jealousy for some people. Who cares what teenagers wear? They're young and enjoying themselves.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lovepurplebutterflies View Post
    But that's just it they are by adults/boys and other girls it's a fact...
    This is why I'm teaching my kids to respect other peoples clothing choices, whether they're covered from neck to toes or only covering their neck & toes. I refuse to teach my kids to be anyone but themselves just because other people are a-holes.


 

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