@Crystally where are you located?
Your hospital might be able to suggest a counsellor in you area too...?
Angel Baby ~Skye~ 21/11/2012
@littleTed i'm sorry for your loss and that you had to experience the pain alone. I have also been wondering about PND and wondering how i will know if i have it or if i am just grieving? I agree my 2 boys are a distraction for me at times but sometimes i feel awful they want to play or do something and all i can do is sit on the couch staring into nothing. They need me still and i can't be there for them 100% like i was able to. I know it will take time.
@littleduck you aren't condescending at all and i greatly appreciate you going out of your way to do some research for me. Thank you so much. I did have a look at the sandsvic site and even wrote a little memorial for Melek. It's a great suggestion you have given me to find a suitable counsellor through one of the parents from the sands site. I am just so not ready to even call a parent to speak about it though. I will hopefully be able to do so soon.
@munchkin859 i'm in Melbourne. Great suggestions also but I think i will try finding a counsellor through the sands site first when i'm ready to actually talk to someone on the phone (without breaking down).
Please see your GP they should have knowledge of what counselling/psychology services are available and they can do a mental Health plan which provides funding for the sessions. Hugs. Or you could even get a family member to contact your GP and explain what you need so less talking for you when you go in to see them. There are some great counselling services in Melbourne and even 1 or 2 sessions would help so much. You are never alone and time and some counselling will help you to adjust to your new life. Also please don't feel guilty about your boys missing out. It is normal to grieve and shut down a bit after a loss and watching a bit more tv or playing together a bit more wont hurt them short term.
I am so sorry, my heart is breaking for you. You need to grieve and not feel guilty about that right now, eventually you will discover that you can do more and be present again for your boys.
You are torn apart and empty right now, feeling like you can not be with all of your children... I can't honestly tell you that the emptiness completely heals. My angels have taken a part of my soul with them too, but I have learned to throw the rest of myself at my other two.
You do not ever forget. You are still the Mother of Melek and you are allowed to feel the way that you do without thinking it is wrong.
When you are stronger do something as a family to forever remember her by, so that you can go and talk to her whenever you want. My counsellor suggested this to me, you need someone to talk to. Someone who speaks sense and makes you feel like you can move forward towards your boys, for your family, for yourself and for your Angel... You are not alone and shouldn't try to deal with this pain alone. XXX
@Meags82 thank you so much for your suggestion of speaking with my GP about a suitable counsellor and doing a mental health plan. I will definitely do this. I am seeing him on Tuesday so will discuss with him then.
@notablynutty the words you wrote that i am still the mother of Melek meant so much to me. Thank you. We will be moving into a new house in the next month or so and i thought i would create an area of the garden to remember her by. I want to plant a cherry blossom tree as that is my favourite and i will put some beautiful roses around it and make it a special area for me to remember her and speak to her. It breaks my heart thinking about doing this when instead she should have been running and playing in our garden.
@munchkin859 you are so beautiful and kind to think of me. I can't tell you how much that means to me and how appreciative i am. God bless you. Today we went to visit Melek and i bought her the most sweetest, softest pink teddy bear as a gift. It hurt me so much that this was the first toy i was buying my little girl and she wouldn't be able to play with it. I clutched that teddy so hard all the way to the cemetery. I cried my tears all over it and i whispered all the pain and sorrow from my soul in its ears.
Putting together a memorial garden is a beautiful idea. Somewhere you can go whenever you like to remember your baby girl. X
Angel Baby ~Skye~ 21/11/2012
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