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  1. #1
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    Default Need support to get through this

    I am so torn apart that i don't even have the ability to write in detail the full story of my loss. I found out 1 week ago today that my baby girl's heart had stopped beating. I was 26 weeks pregnant. I delivered her on Saturday, 14th September and in the same instant my heart and soul was forever broken. We had her funeral on Monday 16 Sept. We named her "Melek" which means Angel in my language. I am still in shock and disbelief this is all happening. I am not coping all that well. I have 2 toddler boys (2.5 year old and 18 month old) and i am feeling so guilty for not being able to take care of them properly because all i can do is cry all day long. I just wanted to find some people who have also been through this excruciating pain. I can't do it alone and i'm so terrified of losing my mind as i feel like i'm hanging on by a thread at the moment. I feel like I am just walking around dazed and in a fog and all i can do is either cry or just sit and stare at nothing. Feel so empty inside. Feel so completely lost and alone.
    Last edited by Crystally; 20-09-2013 at 22:10.

  2. #2
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    I've never been through anything alike nor even come close with my current first pregnancy, but I felt like reaching out to you. I am sorry for all you're grieving and I know your not alone. It's hard to see it now but you will get through it, I'm sure your a strong mumma!! All my love

  3. #3
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    I haven't lost a baby but I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. I would love to give you a big virtual hug. Hopefully some Bub Hub mums who have lost bubs can offer some kind words.

    You grieve however you want to grieve. Your bubba is loved and missed.

    Xxx

  4. #4
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    im so sorry for your loss, i too have had the devastating experience of losing my chid through stillbirth. do you have much support to help with your children.... grandparents etc? If you do could you maybe ask if they can watch your boys so you can have sometime a couple of days a week or so?? so you can have time away from 'being a mum' and grieve. When I lost my child I just spent days in bed by myself crying, its what I wanted to do, I felt too empty to do anything. Did the hospital put you in touch with any support services??

  5. #5
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    I want you to know you will get through this and it will make you a stronger person!

    8 months ago tomorrow we also lost our little girl at 26w. In the days, weeks and months following our loss I thought that was it for me, wondered how on earth I could go on.

    Only time will help heal your wounds. It won't feel like it now but you will learn to live. Eventually. And you will never forget your angel.

    I would recommend seeing a counsellor, even if only for a few sessions. I think telling someone all of your thoughts, good and bad, can help the grieving process, but again, it will take time. Don't force yourself. Let it happen...

    PM me if you'd like to chat privately.

    Thinking of you and sorry you're experiencing such pain...you are not alone.. X


    Angel Baby ~Skye~ 21/11/2012

  6. #6
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    @Crystally - I couldn't read and not post....I am so very sorry for your loss. I haven't been through it myself, but I agree with others who suggest seeking out some kind of support, both counselling and care for your boys so you can have time to yourself....xxxx

    Melek is a beautiful name, by the way. x

  7. #7
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    I can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling... I am so so so sorry for your loss, please don't feel guilty about grieving... I am thinking of you & sending lots of love your way.

  8. #8
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    @fairyflossy and @munchkin859 i'm sorry to hear you both had a loss too. My mum comes over twice a week for a few hours but that's about it. The rest of the time i have the boys to myself. A close friend of mine with children the same age as mine also comes over or i meet up with her once a week. The hard part for me right now is the times when i am alone. I am usually a private person and prefer to spend time on my own just with my kids but now that my husband has returned to work it is so hard trying to get through the day. The hospital told me to contact Sands or Sids but i haven't done so yet. I don't know how i will be able to talk about all this with a stranger. I think a professional counsellor would be a better option for me but i don't know where to find someone who is experienced in this.
    @Cbal @VicPark @littleduck @cassieh Thank u for your kind words and letting me feel i'm not alone. I'm just so utterly crushed and keep crying so much. I try to be strong for my 2 boys but i can't help breaking down every now and then. I miss my little girl, i miss feeling her inside me and i miss being pregnant with her.

  9. #9
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    @Crystally - I was just looking at the Sands website and the phone support is provided by trained parents who have had similar experiences (don't mean to sound condescending if you already knew this).....they might be able to point you in the direction for professional counseling if that is what you'd prefer. Maybe just even have a look at the website first. xxx

  10. #10
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I too felt like a bad mum after losing our babies but I also found joy in our living children and they were a source of great distraction also from what had happened. They had things on that would get me out of the house. I also went on a bit of a cooking spree with them which they loved.

    The quiet times are the hardest. I also found some music would also bring me down. It took about 6 months before I was no longer on the verge of tears constantly. So please give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Find a way to remember your daughter.

    Please do as the other ladies have suggested and talk to someone. I wasn't able to due to child care issues and no one ever talks to me about it and was eventually dx with depression and anxiety earlier this year. I also have heard of women having PND and difficulties bonding after going on to having another child due to their previous loss.

    The ladies on here are lovely and a great source of support and encouragement and it is easy to talk openly with them.


 

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