+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20
  1. #1
    Zombie_eyes's Avatar
    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
    Winner 2012 - Biggest Computer Nerd
    Winner 2013/14 - Funniest Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    9,354
    Thanks
    2,835
    Thanked
    9,033
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week

    Default *trigger trigger trigger* domestic violence

    I know this is a very sensitive topic so lets try to be mindful that other people exist.

    But i was wondering about a hypothetical situation and eager to see what other people think

    If your child (probably son cause its
    More common, i think?) was an abuser of his wife or partner or whatever

    What would you do? What could you do?


    Mumma to two beautiful boys on the spectrum and one special little girl.

  2. #2
    TimeForWine's Avatar
    TimeForWine is offline Taking everyday one wine at a time...
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    409
    Thanks
    1,060
    Thanked
    422
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie_eyes View Post
    I know this is a very sensitive topic so lets try to be mindful that other people exist.

    But i was wondering about a hypothetical situation and eager to see what other people think

    If your child (probably son cause its
    More common, i think?) was an abuser of his wife or partner or whatever

    What would you do? What could you do?


    Mumma to two beautiful boys on the spectrum and one special little girl.

    I only have daughters so the first thing that goes through my mind is PLEASE PLEASE god protect my daughters from men like those.

    In answer to the question - if I knew that he was abusive I would 100% be calling the police on him..... every! time he did it. I would probably offer my dil and children to come and live with me. That is hypotheical of course as I have no sons and im sure I dont really even know what i would do in the event of it actually happening.

  3. #3
    Zombie_eyes's Avatar
    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
    Winner 2012 - Biggest Computer Nerd
    Winner 2013/14 - Funniest Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    9,354
    Thanks
    2,835
    Thanked
    9,033
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    But what if your dil or even daughter was so blinded and refused to leave and threatened you'd lose her and your grandchildren if you interfered?

    There was a situation in my family where we all had to be quiet because we were scared if he had alienated her from us entirely she might die.




    Mumma to two beautiful boys on the spectrum and one special little girl.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    172
    Thanks
    84
    Thanked
    130
    Reviews
    0
    I have both sons and daughters.

    I would do everything I could to protect their partner and child and get help for my child. That would include anything, calling police, having the partner and children live with me, whatever needed to be done to protect them. I'm not sure how I would be if my child refused help. They would still be my child, but I would be bitterly disappointed and disgusted with their behavior.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,510
    Thanks
    432
    Thanked
    3,239
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I'd call the police.

    Him escaping his father on the other hand.. DF doesn't take the idea of abuse lightly. He believes if men want to pick on someone, they can pick on people who are strong enough to defend themselves and the idea of his son being an abuser, particularly with his genetics, is a horrendous thing. (I've described my DF before. Were he ever to turn abusive it would be very, very dangerous.)

    However, I luckilly only have a DD on board. And I prey she's never an abuser or an abusee.

    I'd also offer the DIL and any children a safe place to stay and apologise profusely for my son. I truly wouldn't know where he would have gotten the idea abusing your partner is ever okay, as neither DF nor I do it except for the playful taps that are never in front of people too young to understand the difference between play and abuse.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    1,055
    Thanks
    1,493
    Thanked
    602
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quiet support. Make sure she knew that no matter what, we were always there for her & the kids. That we knew and if she wanted to talk , to not be alone with him or away for a few hours, offer to take the kids if she didn't want them at the house but that we wouldn't act unless she wanted us to.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to ChickyBee For This Useful Post:

    Jellyfishie  (19-09-2013)

  8. #7
    TimeForWine's Avatar
    TimeForWine is offline Taking everyday one wine at a time...
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    409
    Thanks
    1,060
    Thanked
    422
    Reviews
    0
    Oh if the dil refused help? Gah I dont know.

    I would tell her she could come to us at anytime. I would tell her she deserved more. I would tell her the children could stay with me.

    I would (depending on the situation if my son knew i knew and how dangerous it woudl be to dil) pull son aside and talk to him and tryyyyyy to get him to go and see a phyc or anger management???

    Its a hard one.

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    3,229
    Thanks
    649
    Thanked
    885
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    As the mum of 2 boys, I'd *** smack his head in to see if he enjoyed being beat up.

    My Dh pushed me into a wall and onto the floor.

    It took alot to get back from there to where I am now. And i trust that he'll never do it again (he dobbed himself into the police and went to counseling for 6 months).

    My MIL has never asked me about it, offered consolation or a sympathetic ear. In fact she blames me. Her son is untouchable. I'll never forgive her for her lack of empathy.

    If my son did that to their partner, they'd have hell to pay.

  10. #9
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    3,202
    Thanks
    1,702
    Thanked
    2,424
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I would be horrified if my ds grew up and abused his wife/partner and I would have no hesitation in stepping in and letting the proper authorities know of their family situation. I would want both of them to get the help they need if I found them to be in such a situation and if future DIL's safety and wellbeing was compromised I would encourage escape and if she wasnt able or ready to leave I would publicly and openly let my ds know that I am disgusted and am "keeping a very close eye on them".

    I work very hard at bringing up a son that respects women and has healthy ways and skills to deal with strong emotions and also bring up a dd with self worth and confidence. I hope these skills will to some extent make them more resilient to DV.

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,869
    Thanks
    879
    Thanked
    1,201
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I would be offering her the quiet support and building her trust in me. I would be letting her know that the priorities are the children and would be reminding her that as parents we have a duty to our children to offer them a life free from violence (in any form). Depending on the services available I would offer to help her get in touch with a women's service or a counsellor that could help her. I would be strengthening her to help herself and help her devise a safety plan. I would call the police as needed and depending on the other people in my family and the abusers behaviour I would adopt a 'no tolerance' policy and perhaps stage an intervention with male family support and confront him. I believe by saying nothing I am enabling this behaviour and I wouldn't care if this was my son who was the abuser- violence is never ok. I would always be thinking of consequences for the children and the mother before doing anything but I would never sit back and do nothing. I couldn't live with myself if something tragic happened and I sat on my hands.


 

Similar Threads

  1. *Possible trigger* Zoe's Law
    By 1234Guest in forum Social Issues
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 09-09-2013, 15:13
  2. Synarel on trigger day?
    By MrsErinR in forum IVF
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 17-08-2013, 00:23

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Babybee Prams
Save $50 in our pre-Christmas sale! All Comet's now only $500. Our bassinet & stroller set includes free shipping AUS wide, $75 free accessories, 18-months warranty & a 9 month free return policy. Check out our new designer range today!
sales & new stuffsee all
The Health Hub
Give a new mum a fitness boost for Christmas & New Year. Studio-based, small group training sessions - cardio, strength, core, Pilates & boxing. Choice of 16 hrs per week, flexible-arrival feature - bubs & kids welcome! Gift vouchers available.
featured supporter
121Temps
For the last 10 years 121 Temps has helped thousands of personal assistants/others to set up and work as a virtual assistant from home. Our services include: - One-2-One Mentoring - Online training/courses - Handbook, Toolkits, Templates & more.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!