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  1. #11
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    Could you guys try couples counselling? If you guys can get the communication flowing and sorting out some issues, you could try....

    Sit together and write up a 'after work - bubs sleep time' routine, delegate half the chores to him, wont hurt him to get familiar with packing his DDs daycare bag etc, do bath time together (sometimes I sit in the bathroom with SO and SD3, its a lot of fun, we sing and be silly).

    You live with your in-laws?? Ask them if they can watch bubs for a couple hours so you and your BF can go on a 'date', movie, bowling, dinner, private spa etc etc.

    Both of you write a list of 10-20 things (you guys decide how many) that the other could do for you that you will enjoy. Each day you and your BF could do one or two things from the list. The 'things' should be a) positive. b) specific. c) small. d) something that is not related to a recent conflict. eg;

    Ask how I spent the day and listen.
    Offer to make me a hot drink.
    Hold my hand when we go for walks.
    Massage my shoulders.
    Let me have an early night after a hard day of work.
    Allow me to sleep in one w/e morning.
    Cook a meal we both like and eat together.
    Pay me a compliment.

  2. #12
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    It really sounds to me as though you're both laying all of the blame on you - when it sounds as though he is just as responsible for the breakdown of the relationship. I'm not sure what his working hours are like, but it sounds like you don't have TIME for fitness, I highly doubt he takes the baby so you can spend an hour at the gym or go for a jog. If he did his share of preparing for child care, bath time, feeding baby etc this would free some of your time as well, giving you energy to focus on the relationship.

    I'm not sure where you can go from here, but I think he also needs to take some responsibility for this before you can move on.

  3. #13
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    the in laws are very old, they cant care for my baby (they can barely lift her up!). so they cant really watch bub unless hubby and me are there.

    last night I wrote a list of everything I do when I get home from work and told him from now on we are sharing the load 50/50. I told him he can pick whatever he wants to do from that list. He said he thought that was fair then he said I can pick whatever i want him to do and he'll do it he didnt care what it was.. so today (im at work right now), im going to make a schedule for us and stick it to the wall at home, hopefully that'll free some of my time.
    I keep thinking "even if I have free time its not like we can do things together with that time so what am I supposed to do with my free time if he minds our baby?"

    On our drive to work (we commute together with one car) he said again how he thought I wasn't attractive anymore and how I "destroyed my body" by gaining so much weight in the pregnancy so even if i lost it i'll never look as good as before.. I told him he was so superficial if he is focusing only on my appereance to which he said its important because he isnt attracted to me anymore physically which is killing our sex life (nevermind all the other reasons like we have a baby in the room!)... sigh ... big, big sigh...

    When our baby was a newborn (I did not get any maternity leave so was back at work with my bub when bub was 2 months old, its was very difficult) anyways back then I said to him I had nothing to give to the relationship and all I could do was focus on my baby and my job. He keeps bringing that up NOW - he says I am still the same person only focusing on my baby and in work and not giving a rats *** about him. Quite frankly I have so much to do I don't even know how to give anything to the relationship.. what does a man mean when he says that? I do the housework and care for his baby, isn't that enough? am I doing something wrong? I try being affectionate but he isn't affectionate back so its hurtful.

    im really sad about this, I know he sounds like a massive jerk.. he isn't like this all the time, he's never been like this before.. he has become distant and our relationship has been falling to pieces. I wish I could get the spark back because things were great before... things were really great...

    thank you for all your support.

  4. #14
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    I'm assuming he is, of course, the perfect picture of manliness and manhood, in the way only a Spartan can possibly be, and has never ever been over or underweight but has always maintained the God-like stature of his physical self throughout your entire relationship.

    You know what? Bugger him. You did something he can never and will never be able to do, which is grow and protect and nourish his child, ensure it's safety and well-being every single day. And for that, women get bigger, they lose the level of fitness they may or may not have had pre-pregnancy. But it's a pretty good trade off, and one you can get back.

    But your body is never ruined by it. It's changed and different. It grew an entire person. It will never be the same as it was pre-pregnancy and that's not good or bad, just different. He should be proud of you, and damn well showing you off to every person he knows, because you performed a miracle.

    The attitude he currently has is.. Well, he doesn't even have pregnancy hormones to blame. Tell him to pull his head out of his butt and start seeing you as his partner, not his slave. You aren't there for his pleasure, you aren't there to ensure you please him every day. You're there to be the woman he loves, the mother of his baby, his partner in everything. And if he can't be that, then he deserves a swift kick up the butt with a steel-toed slipper and to get his priorities in order.

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  6. #15
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    You poor thing! Congratulations on losing so much weight. What an amazing effort. Also the fact that you are working so hard and being such a good mum - WOW!
    FWIW - if DP EVER said anything about my body that was less then Extremely flattering he would receive a swift kick in the $#%# with my steel cap boots. I wish there was something I could do to take away the hurt of what he has said and make you feel nothing but proud of what you have achieved.

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  8. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    I'm assuming he is, of course, the perfect picture of manliness and manhood, in the way only a Spartan can possibly be, and has never ever been over or underweight but has always maintained the God-like stature of his physical self throughout your entire relationship.

    You know what? Bugger him. You did something he can never and will never be able to do, which is grow and protect and nourish his child, ensure it's safety and well-being every single day. And for that, women get bigger, they lose the level of fitness they may or may not have had pre-pregnancy. But it's a pretty good trade off, and one you can get back.

    But your body is never ruined by it. It's changed and different. It grew an entire person. It will never be the same as it was pre-pregnancy and that's not good or bad, just different. He should be proud of you, and damn well showing you off to every person he knows, because you performed a miracle.

    The attitude he currently has is.. Well, he doesn't even have pregnancy hormones to blame. Tell him to pull his head out of his butt and start seeing you as his partner, not his slave. You aren't there for his pleasure, you aren't there to ensure you please him every day. You're there to be the woman he loves, the mother of his baby, his partner in everything. And if he can't be that, then he deserves a swift kick up the butt with a steel-toed slipper and to get his priorities in order.
    This x a million!!

    OP make this post your mantra, you sound like such a hard working wonderful wonderful woman who deserves so much more than you are currently getting.

    I know you love him but his current attitude is so superficial and selfish.

    I would leave him, you do everything anyway and he is destroying your self esteem which is sometimes all we have to hold on to when times are not great.

    You deserve sooo much better, huge hugs xxxxxxxxxx

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  10. #17
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    If ONLY you could download pics of him from all angles naked so we could critique him as he is critiquing you

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    Albert01  (20-09-2013),Renn  (20-09-2013)

  12. #18
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    You are right you don't deserve a man like that. But do you think maybe he has post natal depression, or some sort of depression. Good luck in sorting out the right path for you and your baby.

  13. #19
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    May I ask why you do absolutely everything for your baby? Why isn't he giving her a bath and making lunches as well? And the stuff he said about not being attracted to you is quite frankly completely unacceptable. I know this is just a small snapshot of your relationship, but I am struggling to find what exactly it is that you love about him????

    Anyway - you deserve better than that. You don't deserve to be treated so badly.

  14. #20
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    Why do you keep saying "my baby"? He is the babies father?
    Sounds like you both need to move out, make time for yourself and be a partner as well as a mother- to reconnect....and that prob means much more sharing of responsibilities.


 

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