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  1. #301
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    Oh dear... Sorry for the misunderstanding and good on you. Hopefully because you have stayed firm they will wake up to themselves?

    I still can't believe they wrote that in the card to your bubba.

    Hopefully your Christmas Day is better...

  2. #302
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    I think you are doing great, Rach85!! It must be do hard to take all the abuse and not to react. I think it's the right thing to do though. They must be dying for a response from you guys so that they can be the victims again telling about it to the whole family.

  3. #303
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    I don't want to give them the satisfaction. We are trying so hard to not speak to them, so any contact they take as a win I think!

    Lol @chico I'm hopeless huh? I think I'm just getting angry and emotional about the fact they won't change for their only grandchildren! Who is that selfish??? I do know that they won't change and logically and rationally that is clear. But when I let my emotions in I'm still getting so angry at them for doing this to dh and my kids. They are such a**holes!
    Hopeless? NO! But I've learned that people don't change. They just don't.

    Especially narcissists! You just have to keep your boundaries up and as hard as it is, don't let them see they are getting to you.

    I think you are doing especially well considering and do keep that door locked. It does suck that you have to live that way but considering the past experiences with grandma you really have no choice

    Good Luck darl x

  4. #304
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    Good on you for taking a stand!

  5. #305
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    OP: what's your plan for managing the Christmas Day risk factor?

  6. #306
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    Don't send back the presents, but send back the cards with a note that their words were inappropriate and if they would like to resend cards that don't include untrue statements that you will pass them on.

    Sent from my U8860 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Apple iPhart6  (27-12-2013)

  8. #307
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    OP: what's your plan for managing the Christmas Day risk factor?
    Front door will be closed and locked. We won't answer it.
    We leave for my parent's mid morning, and they wouldn't dare make a scene there I can't imagine. When we return, same closed and locked door that will remain unanswered. If they are parked waiting for us when we return home (that happened last year!!) we can either drive off or psych dh up to tell them firmly to leave before myself of dd get out of the car.

    Dh has also now written a script with his psychologist for if they ambush us and he has to talk to them. The psych said men are really bad at thinking on their feet in stressful situation, but if he writes down what needs to be said it will stick in his brain more. And if possible/ he wants to he can say nothing and just give them the piece of paper!

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    Apple iPhart6  (27-12-2013),Cicho  (23-12-2013),VicPark  (23-12-2013)

  10. #308
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    Quote Originally Posted by trustno1 View Post
    Don't send back the presents, but send back the cards with a note that their words were inappropriate and if they would like to resend cards that don't include untrue statements that you will pass them on.

    Sent from my U8860 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    That is a really good idea. However putting anything in writing to them is risky. They have used written texts/emails/letters out of context against us before, leading to abuse and horrible confrontations from extended family members. We avoid written word at all costs now!! They have gone as far as editing what we wrote and spreading their edited version to everyone to set everyone off....

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    Apple iPhart6  (27-12-2013),VicPark  (23-12-2013)

  12. #309
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    Front door will be closed and locked. We won't answer it.
    We leave for my parent's mid morning, and they wouldn't dare make a scene there I can't imagine. When we return, same closed and locked door that will remain unanswered. If they are parked waiting for us when we return home (that happened last year!!) we can either drive off or psych dh up to tell them firmly to leave before myself of dd get out of the car.

    Dh has also now written a script with his psychologist for if they ambush us and he has to talk to them. The psych said men are really bad at thinking on their feet in stressful situation, but if he writes down what needs to be said it will stick in his brain more. And if possible/ he wants to he can say nothing and just give them the piece of paper!
    They sound bat**** crazy.

  13. #310
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    I really hope that you and your little family can manage to have a happy xmas together without any interference from the ILs! They need to leave you guys alone until they can respect the boundaries you have asked for.


    DH + Me + DD (born 11/10/12) = our little family :-)


 

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