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  1. #281
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    OP you started this thread back in September and I've been following you all the way through.

    I agree with other posters that you should be looking into some kind of court order. This seems to have gone on far too long and you are still back where you began - with no respect for you as parents of your child and soon to be new arrival.

    To me, the cut off would have been what they did for your daughters birth, but it has continued with her then birthday and now getting abusive letters demanding they have access 24/7.

    I really think you need to make a decision ASAP. This stress is not good for you or your baby and needs to end.

    Just my 2 cents but I really wish you all the best x

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  3. #282
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    Mind you- the 'court ordered custody agreements' referred to asking that they call before they come and not come after 5....


    They and the extended family wrote us an abusive letter saying they all (dh's parents/grandparents/aunties/uncles/cousins) should all have keys and 24/7 access to our home and baby.... That is 22 people!!!!!! Free rein with dd when they were here too.
    That's would be enough crazy for me. Write them ALL a letter and tell them not one of them is welcome in your home until they can learn some modern manners (ie call first! No surprise visitors). You really need to get harsh with them as it appears they are not taking yourself of your DH seriously. If thet can't do that then don't waste their time or petrol because they won't be allowed into your home. Enough is enough. Take your power back! Xo

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  4. #283
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    Mind you- the 'court ordered custody agreements' referred to asking that they call before they come and not come after 5....


    They and the extended family wrote us an abusive letter saying they all (dh's parents/grandparents/aunties/uncles/cousins) should all have keys and 24/7 access to our home and baby.... That is 22 people!!!!!! Free rein with dd when they were here too.
    Psychos....

    Lol to make u feel better, according to my mil, I tried to stab my dh.

    Freaks, the lot of them!

    Re hospital, get everyone to call your dh when they arrive at hospital and them he can pop down to the entrance to escort them. Then tell the hospital that they aren't allowed to disclose any info about you to anyone.

    Hopefully that would do the trick

  5. #284
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    Mind you- the 'court ordered custody agreements' referred to asking that they call before they come and not come after 5....


    They and the extended family wrote us an abusive letter saying they all (dh's parents/grandparents/aunties/uncles/cousins) should all have keys and 24/7 access to our home and baby.... That is 22 people!!!!!! Free rein with dd when they were here too.
    I would take that letter as a direct threat, they're basically saying they should be able to do whatever they want with your child - it suggests they'd not hesitate to take her without your permission. That's scary, especially regarding the situation with BIL.

    I really feel for you, it must be so frustrating and exhausting having to adjust everything you do because of them. You should be able to relax and enjoy your pregnancy and birth! I'm so angry on your behalf!!

    It's tempting to suggest writing a long letter to the extended family explaining the real story but I doubt that would actually be productive.

    Next time someone shows up at your door call the police.

    Nutters!

  6. #285
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    It's really hard because we HAVE told them to leave us alone until they can have some manners, we HAVE written them letters explaining our position and what we require from them, we HAVE spoken to them one on one (not just his parents other extended family members as well) so we have cut them off and told them so, they just ignore it! The decision has been made- no contact until they modify their behaviour and respect our wishes. However... They just don't respect that. At all.


    We are in a small town in NSW. I work in the legal system. We don't really qualify for an AVO in this State because we don't fear violence from them and DD is never with any of them alone, or around them with us for that matter! I also wouldn't like to professionally undermine myself by dragging all this **** through court applying for a personal AVO (i.e. because the police won't apply for one on our behalf). We'd probably win and have it granted, but I'm not sure if the professional embarrassment is worth it. Trust me, it is as frustrating for me as it is for you guys!!! I think this is why I went silent on this thread for a while, I didn't want to throw back any suggestions and advice. But I really feel smashed up against a brick wall. Please don't think I don't think it is the right thing to do. It probably is, I'm just so hesitant to have all our dirty laundry out for all and sundry to examine....

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  8. #286
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    That must really hard. HUGS.


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  9. #287
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    It sounds awful. Moving may eventually be your best option. Try to surround yourself in friends and people who understand your situation so you don't feel isolated or alone in this.

  10. #288
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    IMHO they are definitely in the wrong! Quite simply YOU are the parents and their lack of respect is disgusting! You need to stay strong and stick with your decisions and if they don't like it TOO FREAKIN BAD! You are both adults and as such they need to treat you with respect. If they cannot do this... Then I believe your DD is better off not seeing them!
    I too have a very judgemental family. Luckily not like this... But am VERY clear with both my family & the IL's that my rules my child. Respect it or miss out! They're choice then!! Good luck hun x
    Last edited by Coli83; 11-12-2013 at 13:10.

  11. #289
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    It sounds awful. Moving may eventually be your best option. Try to surround yourself in friends and people who understand your situation so you don't feel isolated or alone in this.
    Agreed! Positioning ourselves for transfers as much as possible. As soon an the opportunity arises it will be happening. Need some space from all this! We will never tell them where we go either.

    I think I need to discuss with dh blocking some of his cousins on facebook. They are young, and would be able to share info with the problematic family members. I hate punishing people who aren't doing anything wrong in case they accidentally do, but I think it is a necessary step for bub #2 and definitely if we move. Because we would not be sharing where we went!!!

  12. #290
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    Agreed! Positioning ourselves for transfers as much as possible. As soon an the opportunity arises it will be happening. Need some space from all this! We will never tell them where we go either.

    I think I need to discuss with dh blocking some of his cousins on facebook. They are young, and would be able to share info with the problematic family members. I hate punishing people who aren't doing anything wrong in case they accidentally do, but I think it is a necessary step for bub #2 and definitely if we move. Because we would not be sharing where we went!!!
    I blocked IL family members when they started lying about what I was writing and then gossiping to MIL.

    Its so petty, I felt like a 5 year old but you have to do it. I'd advise you to do the same.


 

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