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  1. #271
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    At this point I would consider a restraining order. Omg.

  2. #272
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    I feel so sad for you! It sounds like they have boundary issues & treat you both like children rather than adults with your own baby.

    It's nice that they wanted to celebrate with your daughter but the way they did it was deceitful & rude to exclude you. This is your baby, yes it's their grandchild but it's your child.

    I don't think you are being unreasonable asking for space or privacy particularly at such momentous stages in your lives which you want to experience when you plan to. I would stand your ground, be honest & tell your IL's that you are happy they want to be there for your daughter but they need to respect your decisions as parents & let you plan the parties & share the photos.

  3. #273
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    Quote Originally Posted by LilCritter View Post
    I feel so sad for you! It sounds like they have boundary issues & treat you both like children rather than adults with your own baby.

    It's nice that they wanted to celebrate with your daughter but the way they did it was deceitful & rude to exclude you. This is your baby, yes it's their grandchild but it's your child.

    I don't think you are being unreasonable asking for space or privacy particularly at such momentous stages in your lives which you want to experience when you plan to. I would stand your ground, be honest & tell your IL's that you are happy they want to be there for your daughter but they need to respect your decisions as parents & let you plan the parties & share the photos.
    There is way more to it than that. Its a long read but you need to read it all to understand the whole story. ordinarily I would agree with you though

  4. #274
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    Quote Originally Posted by misho View Post
    Move to Perth with me!

    We can swap MIL stories!

    Do they know what hospital you're delivering in? I would ensure that the hospital does not divulge any info to anyone.

    I mean really, it's fairly simple to bypass the midwives station at most hospitals, and if they lie about who they are theyll easily get into the room.

    And keep your doors locked at home so that you have no unexpected visitors once bub has arrived.
    Sounds like a plan- Perth might just be far enough away considering it is literally the opposite side of the country!!

    In our town their is only one hospital you can birth at. That's why I've made sure they don't know my due date, and won't be informed when bub is born and no public announcements will be made. They just 100% can't be trusted and I agree with you- midwives can be bypassed and their job isn't to play security guards. Omg I didn't even think about them lying about who they are to get in- they'd totally just say they were a member of my family!!! Yikes! Hopefully them
    not knowing about the birth, and hopefully I'll be getting my vbac and can discharge within a few hours, will mean they don't get a chance to come up at all. Maybe we just need to say absolutely no visitors that my hubby doesn't walk in personally? That way, if we haven't been contacted for permission first and texted when they areive, noone gets in??

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  6. #275
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    . Maybe we just need to say absolutely no visitors that my hubby doesn't walk in personally? That way, if we haven't been contacted for permission first and texted when they areive, noone gets in??
    That's what I would do....

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  8. #276
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    Quote Originally Posted by LilCritter View Post
    I feel so sad for you! It sounds like they have boundary issues & treat you both like children rather than adults with your own baby.

    It's nice that they wanted to celebrate with your daughter but the way they did it was deceitful & rude to exclude you. This is your baby, yes it's their grandchild but it's your child.

    I don't think you are being unreasonable asking for space or privacy particularly at such momentous stages in your lives which you want to experience when you plan to. I would stand your ground, be honest & tell your IL's that you are happy they want to be there for your daughter but they need to respect your decisions as parents & let you plan the parties & share the photos.
    Yep- done all that. Continuously ignored, and they do whatever they want in any situation at any given time. In fact they told us our decision as parents would not be respected because they were 'abnormal' and akin to 'court ordered custody agreements'. These people are not normal, unfortunately normal things that would work with normal people have no chance

    You are so right about treating us like children instead of adults with our own family. They have no idea

  9. #277
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    Mind you- the 'court ordered custody agreements' referred to asking that they call before they come and not come after 5....


    They and the extended family wrote us an abusive letter saying they all (dh's parents/grandparents/aunties/uncles/cousins) should all have keys and 24/7 access to our home and baby.... That is 22 people!!!!!! Free rein with dd when they were here too.

  10. #278
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    Mind you- the 'court ordered custody agreements' referred to asking that they call before they come and not come after 5....


    They and the extended family wrote us an abusive letter saying they all (dh's parents/grandparents/aunties/uncles/cousins) should all have keys and 24/7 access to our home and baby.... That is 22 people!!!!!! Free rein with dd when they were here too.
    Far out. I freaked when my parents dropped hints about wanting a key (they live interstate if they come to visit and we aren't home to let them in). I gave them the key to the main door but not the screen door. So if I know they are coming I can leave the screen door unlocked. No way in hell the extended family will be getting keys!

  11. #279
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    Mind you- the 'court ordered custody agreements' referred to asking that they call before they come and not come after 5....


    They and the extended family wrote us an abusive letter saying they all (dh's parents/grandparents/aunties/uncles/cousins) should all have keys and 24/7 access to our home and baby.... That is 22 people!!!!!! Free rein with dd when they were here too.
    If i were you i would take that letter to your local Court (Magistrates' Court in Victoria - not sure what state you are in) and apply for an intervention order. You will get an interim order straight away excluding them from your house. Also an order that they not contact you by telephone, email etc (whatever you specify). Enough is enough, surely.
    Last edited by shelle65; 11-12-2013 at 07:34.

  12. #280
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    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    If i were you i would take that letter to your local Court (Magistrates' Court in Victoria - not sure what state you are in) and apply for an intervention order. You will get an interim order straight away excluding them from your house. Also an order that they not contact you by telephone, email etc (whatever you specify). Enough is enough, surely.
    I think it's time for getting an intervention order if DH is truly set in cutting them out of your lives. Also, as a matter of course, always leave your security screen locked (we live in a crappy suburb, so I can't even fathom ever having it unlocked lmao) so there'll be no more barging in from family members in the future.

    As for the key situation...WTF?!?! They really are insane, aren't they!!! How is it even marginally appropriate for random extended family members to have keys to YOUR house? Do they think your family should live in some kind of commune or something? Also, it would be five seconds fly before BIL would have keys to your house in that scenario, no doubt they don't think he should be excluded from the key sharing situation!

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