+ Reply to Thread
Page 22 of 43 FirstFirst ... 12202122232432 ... LastLast
Results 211 to 220 of 429
  1. #211
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Queensland
    Posts
    1,450
    Thanks
    288
    Thanked
    361
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Good news! Agree with TFW dont even let the conversation start if she does ask. There is no need for you to talk about it unless you want to!

  2. #212
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    817
    Thanks
    155
    Thanked
    249
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    You guys don't think that would make us come across as evasive, and unwilling/unable to take on others opinions/takes on the issues?

    We have gone so many years not saying anything (mostly re BIL), and it hasn't done us any favours. In fact, has made us look bad because everyone has heard only their side of the story.

    I know I don't actually want to talk about it, because no good can come from it really. But I also fear that being silent and never defending ourselves doesn't make us look good? Clearly hasn't worked so far- we keep getting accused of just withholding our child 'for no reason' because we are 'petty and vindictive' and me not trying to be involved in the family because I'm horrible, and forcing dh to choose me over them.... I mean obviously we can't go in and just be honest about the fact they are freaky, creepy, weirdos, but we could out bil? And say that is why we originally bailed and it has escalated from there, with him getting worse and more people protecting him, denying his behaviour, and trying to convince others that he is innocent and his victims are liars??? And our boundaries being our choice and they need to respect that, regardless of how they did things or what they think is 'normal'??

    I don't know- what a mess.


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to rach85 For This Useful Post:

    spoon  (09-12-2013)

  4. #213
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    8,544
    Thanks
    1,351
    Thanked
    2,307
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    You guys don't think that would make us come across as evasive, and unwilling/unable to take on others opinions/takes on the issues?

    We have gone so many years not saying anything (mostly re BIL), and it hasn't done us any favours. In fact, has made us look bad because everyone has heard only their side of the story.

    I know I don't actually want to talk about it, because no good can come from it really. But I also fear that being silent and never defending ourselves doesn't make us look good? Clearly hasn't worked so far- we keep getting accused of just withholding our child 'for no reason' because we are 'petty and vindictive' and me not trying to be involved in the family because I'm horrible, and forcing dh to choose me over them.... I mean obviously we can't go in and just be honest about the fact they are freaky, creepy, weirdos, but we could out bil? And say that is why we originally bailed and it has escalated from there, with him getting worse and more people protecting him, denying his behaviour, and trying to convince others that he is innocent and his victims are liars??? And our boundaries being our choice and they need to respect that, regardless of how they did things or what they think is 'normal'??

    I don't know- what a mess.


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.
    I honestky don't think you need to discuss it with the cousin. You have an issue with your mil and fil, not your cousin. And she isn't responsible for their behavior . They are . Really you have drawn your line in the sand and the rest of the family including your mil and fil are entitled to their opinions about it . But at the end of the day is it worth having your kids sexually abused and stuffed up because you inadvertently left them with creepy bil because you are trying to keep the peace and good relations with the family. Ummm just no.

    I wouldn't mention it, surely you have other things to talk about. If she does mention it just tell her briefly your side of the story but don't ask or expect validation or for her to support your view. Just concentrate on your relationship with the cousin , the in laws don't have to dominate everything surely.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to sunnyflower For This Useful Post:

    spoon  (09-12-2013)

  6. #214
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,517
    Thanks
    432
    Thanked
    3,246
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Actually, I would probably mention the BIL issue being as that one is a danger to others, not just yourself. Explain that among other things that you wont mention because you feel no good would come of it, MIL and FIL both know of BILs acts and crimes and have chosen to cover them up, so you must protect your children. If you have no physical proof explain that as well, but also that you know its true and isnt a rumour you've heard.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Jennaisme For This Useful Post:

    Apple iPhart6  (06-12-2013)

  8. #215
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Queensland
    Posts
    1,450
    Thanks
    288
    Thanked
    361
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Not at all Rach! I personally believe that issues between family members should stay between the two groups of people period. They might be running around telling everyone but dont buy into your side becoming 'gossip' too. I always think - once you tell the cousin your info you lose control over
    A her interpretation (we all hear info differently)
    B who she tells (even if she doesnt mean to be gossipy or unhelpful)

    Go with your gut!

  9. #216
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    2,701
    Thanks
    212
    Thanked
    373
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Usually I would say don't discuss it... However making the assumption that BIL isn't safe around children... Everyone needs to know that. So they can protect innocent parties.

  10. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ElizaDoLittle For This Useful Post:

    Amiedoll  (15-10-2013),Apple iPhart6  (06-12-2013)

  11. #217
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,694
    Thanks
    1,185
    Thanked
    3,209
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    You don't and can't defend yourself against a narcissist. Go about your normal relationship with your cousin and keep the dysfunctional relationship between you and mil. You will never ever ever win and it will do your head in trying. Park that issue to one side and get on with life.


    Mummy of Max 2 from donor eggs from my lovely sister.

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lilypily For This Useful Post:

    Cicho  (15-10-2013),PurpleButterfly4  (12-12-2013)

  13. #218
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,694
    Thanks
    1,185
    Thanked
    3,209
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Sorry I don't mean get on with life as a get I over it type thing either. I mean you have been dealt a hand you cannot win. You will look like the bad guy. Our grandma had her friends fooled about us and the mean things we did (apparently did). You cannot and will never win this battle you need to learn and adjust your lives to live with it. Real people that really know you will know the truth and the rest don't matter. Just because they are family doesn't mean the extended family matted either. Focus on the good relationships and don't put any energy into this one was its totally 100% wasted and you won't even make a pinprick of a difference.


    Mummy of Max 2 from donor eggs from my lovely sister.

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to lilypily For This Useful Post:

    rach85  (16-10-2013)

  15. #219
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    If BIL hasn't been charged/convicted yet just be careful how much you reveal to the cousin (your BIL may claim defamation).

    (Perhaps saying "I can't go into details for legal reasons however we refuse to leave our kids in a situation where they may come into contact with BIL" should be enough to flag to your cousin to be on her guard.

  16. #220
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    If BIL hasn't been charged/convicted yet just be careful how much you reveal to the cousin (your BIL may claim defamation).

    (Perhaps saying "I can't go into details for legal reasons however we refuse to leave our kids in a situation where they may come into contact with BIL" should be enough to flag to your cousin to be on her guard.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Upsetting: Illigal immigrant planning attack
    By Lovemyfam in forum News & Current Affairs
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 09-12-2013, 09:09
  2. Replies: 5
    Last Post: 08-05-2013, 18:31
  3. Feels like a dream
    By Myztiks#1Fan in forum General Chat
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 30-01-2013, 08:32

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Babybee Prams
Save $50 in our pre-Christmas sale! All Comet's now only $500. Our bassinet & stroller set includes free shipping AUS wide, $75 free accessories, 18-months warranty & a 9 month free return policy. Check out our new designer range today!
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Shapland Swim Schools
Semi private learn to swim classes for a maximum of 3 children in specialized heated teaching pools. Our swim schools are located across Brisbane, Ipswich and the Sunshine Coast, ensuring there's a school near you.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!