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  1. #201
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    I agree with calling/emailing the cousin and asking who else will be there. If you want to be slightly devious say you want to pick up some lovely cupcakes/random item and want to know how many to bring.

  2. #202
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    Quote Originally Posted by GirlsRock View Post
    Perhaps suggest to your DH that he message his cousin the day before you are seeing her saying something like "looking forward to catching up with you. Who else will be there." It then gives her an opportunity to be upfront IF she has organised for the in laws to be there too. Or he could come right out and say "you are probably aware we are not seeing my parents at the moment. I just want to confirm they won't be there when we are catching up".


    Hmm, its tough one really. I don't envy your position AT ALL.
    Both of these sound nice and direct, if your DH is happy for that to happen.

  3. #203
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    Dh is happy to ask her, but I just don't think it will go well? I don't know. He is more concerned that bringing it up now leaves us more open to be interrogated by his cousin about the situation. What do we say then? Cold hard truth of it? Even though we know she has been really conned by mil, and will almost definitely argue her case????


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  4. #204
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    Maybe just ask if it's just her or is it going to be a group if she says group then seem interested and ask who will be there

  5. #205
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    Dh is happy to ask her, but I just don't think it will go well? I don't know. He is more concerned that bringing it up now leaves us more open to be interrogated by his cousin about the situation. What do we say then? Cold hard truth of it? Even though we know she has been really conned by mil, and will almost definitely argue her case????


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.
    I would just not engage. Explain that the issued you're having with MIL and FIL are between you guys and you see no reason to drag other family members into it. Apologise for not being able to see her if MIL will be there but it is very important the choice be left up to you and your DF as to when you see her again and thank her for being so understanding.

    If you start explaining all the sh1t MIL and FIL do, it gives them grounds to use the victim excuse and say you're b1tching about them and trying to turn the family against them, etc.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  7. #206
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    Ok we angsted over it for a while but have just now sent this to dh's cousin..

    'Hey Blah,

    Still not entirely sure what is happening on Saturday, our friends may be rescheduling but can't let us know yet.

    I don't know what you have heard or been told, but there has been alot of drama going on with FIL and MIL and other extended family members who have gotten themselves involved off one sided information... Can we just check that it will be just us seeing you and the kids this weekend? Sorry to ask (and we aren't saying something to get you involved!!) just trying to avoid any akwardness.

    Ta'

    My fear is now, if she didn't know something was up, she'll be calling the IL's to figure out what is up and they'll get back in contact and ream us for saying anything at all.... But anyway- that email covers it right?? She now has to tell us who else will be there, and if she doesn't and we are ambushed we can leave and everyone will know why with fair warning???


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

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  9. #207
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    I think thats a good way to put it Rach. I agree that you needed to say something to her just to confirm.

    You dont have control over her saying anything but I wouldnt see why she would if she is acting maturely. I would not get into anything if she asks why - just say that there is lots of things you dont want to bore her with you would rather hear about all the lovely things she has been up to.

    Good luck x

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  11. #208
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    I'm so relieved she was fine. Promised it is just her, said she was 'drama free' and then started chatting about other things, didn't even ask.

    She probably will ask when we see her, but I know she won't want to discuss it in front of her kids so I'm trying to ensure they will be there and not at their dads


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

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  13. #209
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    Woohoo.. It did sound suss so glad you can not worry about it now,


    Mummy of Max 2 from donor eggs from my lovely sister.

  14. #210
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    TimeForWine is offline Taking everyday one wine at a time...
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    Awesome thats great you know (well fingers crossed haha)

    If she DOES start talking about it, honestly all you need to say is 'Im really sorry, but I dont feel right talking about it to other family members as I feel it will make an already messy situation messier. I dont want to get you involved'.

    There is nothing wrong with not talking about it. xxx


 

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