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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by foguka View Post
    You know what, bugger them. How horrible can they be to their own son and his family. Honestly the longer they don't contact you the better. Look at all the things they aren't trying to control.

    Seriously I would just move on. It's hard but until they realise that you are all human beings and not objects to control then best they stay away.
    I agree with this....

  2. #12
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    I agree with Vic park....but I think with people like that it's best to just cut them out completely. I know it might seem harsh but a relationship with a narcissist will mean your wishes and boundaries will never be respected. Will it be a huge void for your dd to not have them in your life?? I'm so sorry you are going through this what a horrible situation for you and your family x

    Sent from my GT-I9300T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  3. #13
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    I think we have the same MIL. Mine falls to the floor in tears when confronted by my dh, so that way dh feels bad and has to help her up and comfort her.

    It suks. I hope that, with 2 boys of my own (and possibly 3 with me currently utd) I treat my DILs better.

  4. #14
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    My FIL is a narcissist. He antagonises my kids whenever he sees them then tells them off if they try to defend themselves. My 6 yo told him last year 'I don't like you very much poppy!' I was sitting right next to them and normally wouldn't let my kids talk to adults that way but I didn't say a thing, FIL was just being annoying as he always does. Thankfully they live on the other side of the country so the kids aren't subjected to him regularly. If I had the option of not having him in my kids life I would take it. He's not loving the way a grandfather should be. He doesn't do anything for them. He is all about himself!
    Don't feel guilty about not seeing your ILs. Just because they are related doesn't mean they have the right to treat you this way without consequences.

  5. #15
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    Rach you are def not over reacting!!! Your MIL amd FIL have well and truely overstepped some boundaries.

    Holding a bday party when you had specifically said no is completely inappropriate. It sounds like your DH has been pushed into a corner by his parents/emotionally blackmailed many times over through his life so I imagine standing up to them would be extremely difficult for him. He probably feels like he is very torn... even though I can imagine he is also upset by her behaviour and obviously wants the same outcome as you.

    Have you guys considered seeing a relationships counsellor together? Not to address issues between you guys but to talk to someone and build strategies for how you can cope with your ILs when they overstep the line/try to use emotional blackmail. I imagine it will be the two of you that need to take control and manage that relationship.

    I absolutely wouldnt call her until bub two is born and you are ready for visitors. I would actually also speak to the midwifes and tell them you dont want more than xx visitors and when. Tell them what happened last time! No way she will be getting anywhere near you!!

  6. #16
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    Plain and simple no you're not in the wrong it's your child.

  7. #17
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    No way! You are not in the wrong at all, it is YOUR child. I would be fuming and that would be enough for me to never want to have anything to do with them again as obviously they do not respect your wishes as the mother! and to just rock up at the hospital after birth like that?! Oh h*ll no!
    IL's are a big gripe of mine too here (can you tell) drive me crazy. Never had much to do with them and now bubs is here they want to visit all the time! No thank you.

  8. #18
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    Sounds similar to what we have dealt with over the past 15 years. We have learnt to ignore all the bad, we only see them when it suits us and on our terms, and we just don't get involved with all the manipulation and b!tching. It's difficult and took us years to get to the point where we are happy with the relationship. Good luck.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by dancingbutterfly View Post

    Have you guys considered seeing a relationships counsellor together? Not to address issues between you guys but to talk to someone and build strategies for how you can cope with your ILs when they overstep the line/try to use emotional blackmail. I imagine it will be the two of you that need to take control and manage that relationship.

    I absolutely wouldnt call her until bub two is born and you are ready for visitors. I would actually also speak to the midwifes and tell them you dont want more than xx visitors and when. Tell them what happened last time! No way she will be getting anywhere near you!!
    Thanks so much everyone

    Dancingbutterfly- my DH has started seeing a psychologist to help him deal with the situation, and it is helping him alot after only 2 sessions! We haven't talked about relationship counselling, but I can see how it might be beneficial. I think I'll let him continue to deal with it on his own with someone who is an objective help, but offer him relationship counselling if he thinks it will help further.

    At my booking in appt with the midwives I told the midwife what happened and she was the one who suggested not telling them! I feel bad giving them a list of people to not allow in my room and making them act like security guards. They have always been great to me (I have been admitted alot through miscarriages and pre eclampsia with my daughter) and I know how busy they are. I think I just won't tell the IL's when the baby comes, until I am good and ready for them to inundate us. That's if they are even speaking to us by then. I will get myself to a place where I feel ok with this, it is their fault from past behaviour. Now to make sure DH is ok with it..... :/



    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  10. #20
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    Just a ridiculous update for you all because I'm just flabbergasted. My dad has just told us that the IL's called him last night asking for 'advice on how to deal with us'. Like they are the victims and we are horrible. We are ridiculously close to my parents btw (pretty sure they love my dh more than me and my dh loves them more than me too lol!!).

    They are so lucky my dad is the nicest man to ever walk this earth. What restraint he had to just politely say he can't be in the middle of this and perhaps it is better that they speak directly to us????

    Omfg.


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to rach85 For This Useful Post:

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