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  1. #181
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    And I wish my dh was as resolved as you! Lol.

    I doubt they'll just disappear. Especially after that email with MIL saying she thought it went well and they can rebuild! Insane!

    I hope yours quit with the weaseling, it is so not easy Do they contact your dp instead of you, knowing he may be the 'weaker' link iykwim? (Absolutely no offence to your dp meant, just wondering if that is part of their mo!)


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.
    That haven't tried that yet, but I am certain they will. I ignored the last condescending text message I got - basically passing off my concerns as a difference of opinion (no, you are a self-centred, emotionally abusive narcissist Dad), complete with calling me "dear". Grrr! Anyhoo, nothing from them since, & if it stays that way for the next couple of months till we unfortunately have to see them (holiday booked & paid for before I finally cut them off , all planned by my brothers unfortunately) I'll be pleased. I am just glad I made this decision before DD2 arrives - I might actually get to announce the birth of my own child this time, rather than my father feeling that he should do it while I was being stitched up & DP was cuddling his tiny girl - "I felt that was my role." Douche.

    Hooray that they aren't speaking to you - isn't it bliss?!

  2. #182
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    @Bergeron- are you a SIL I'm not aware of??? You just described my IL's (and pretty much my husband) to a t.

    Except- they are obsessed with having a ridiculously close (read controlling) rel'p with my kids. They rant on about how much they have to offer them???? What- emotional manipulation, guilt and abuse? No thanks! The only person they want to cut out is me.

    As for your MIL and the lover rel'p with your dh- MIL is like that with my dh too! I know exactly what you mean. Like at their meet up at maccas last week- she went between screaming in his face a groping his leg. What parent GROPES your leg???? He was so uncomfortable about it. That's one example of many... He hates her touching him it freaks him out. I know exactly what you mean.

    As for his self esteem- dh and I got married when I was 19 and him just 20. Babies. But I swear it saved his life. I didn't control his life and I didn't do everything for him. He was all of a sudden forced to make his own decisions- his own phone calls!!!- by me not doing it all for him. He learned to cook and clean and become an equal partner to me. Obviously the exact opposite of what his rel'p with MIL is. That was just through me respecting him as his own person with his own mind. Now- it kinda backfired. After we were married 5 years and hubby was working in the profession MIL chose for him (applied to uni for him...) he got severely depressed. He had been defending his brother (kinda) and it got too much for him when he realised it wasn't a one off and his parents knew that and were protecting him. He didn't know who he was. He hated his career, he figured out what his parents had done to him and needed to sort it out. Long story short he went through a really heavy depression that almost killed him and almost killed our rel'p. He has come out of it the other side (thank god!!) not perfect, but a million percent better. He still has esteem issues at times (second guesses things and things get to him) but mostly he doesn't. His biggest issue now is his guilt re the notion of family (which he now knows what they can be like through my family who adores him and accepts him as he is) and reconciling that with his crazy a$$ narc familly....

    I'm so happy to hear of those of you who have gotten through all this and are at the other side. I hear you on it being a lifetime thing though....

    Funnily enough they are now playing no speakys again- waiting for us to run to them. Never. Going. To. Happen


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.
    It's an interesting thing that you girls mention in these posts..

    My Mil is in love with my dh too.

    No one would ever be good enough for him except her. I don't think she's ever been touchy geeky with him but I genuinely think she's in 'romantic' love with him.

    Here's my theory..

    My ILs don't have a very loving relationship. They get on well but not like other parents do.

    Because of the lack of love in her marriage, my mil got all her love from her 2 sons, to the point where they were the loves of her life, and she made them into the sort of men who she had wanted to be with.

    My dh, being the oldest, was the first cab off the rank and was her great love so to speak.

    To have him leave her for another woman was like he had broken up with her, especially as he is pretty independent. But she doesn't see him like that, he's hers and hers alone.

    I once said to my 3 yr old ds 'i love you so so much', to which she replied 'what's the point in loving them that much when in the end they leave you for another woman?'.. Wierdo!

    I only hope that I, as a mum of 3 boys, don't end up as whaked out as she is.

    End of theory. Lol.

    Cheers to you all who have pshyco MILs. My mil made me cry enough this week that I'm just totally over her!

  3. #183
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    Omfg. They have just texted asking us to meet at the park/beach with the kids on the wkend.


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  4. #184
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    Omfg. They have just texted asking us to meet at the park/beach with the kids on the wkend.


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.
    Oh no!

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  5. #185
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    How are they this dumb??? Seriously???


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to rach85 For This Useful Post:

    Cicho  (11-10-2013),GrabbyCrabby  (14-10-2013)

  7. #186
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    You poor things. They obviously have very different thoughts as to the outcome of your DH's meeting with them. I'm not sure how on earth you are going to get through to them, sounds like they are continuing to hear what they want to hear. Good luck.

  8. #187
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    Not at all....they may have now though! We replied (paraphrasing!) saying last weeks convo was horrible and really was the final nail in the coffin. We said that there are 3 deal breakers:

    1) Not abiding by our boundaries. We don't care what they think of them, put up or shut up. Their role is not to have a say or judge- our choice. They have no right to a say in any of it.

    2) Hating on me and trying to talk dh around to that view is completely unacceptable and unforgivable.

    3) BIL. We will not have out kids near anyone who won't keep them safe from him. That includes them and the extended family. We also said those who protect him make us sick.

    We said any contact, if any is possible, will be extremely protected and limited, and that they can forget about the so called 'relationship' they are pushing for. It is impossible.

    ***radio silence***

    Haha, we'll see what happens next.

    Xx

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  10. #188
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    Good on you! That took balls for you and DH . Keep up and don't back down and maybe one day they will get the message. Keep us updated...

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  12. #189
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    Good for you guys! Hopefully they will back off and leave you alone now!

    Sent from my HTC One X using The Bub Hub mobile app

  13. #190
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    How'd they respond Rach? Hopefully the sweet sound of silence!


 

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