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  1. #161
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    Your DH isn't cutting them out OP, their choices and behaviour is what's cutting them out. They are cutting themselves out.

    If I'm reading correctly, you bil is a sexual predator and they have no intention of keeping your children safe from him? Tell your DH to think about this every time he feels guilty.

    Your DH is choosing to keep his family safe, it's the only choice.

  2. #162
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    Agree with all PP.

    Let your DH keep whatever contacts je want to keep with them but keep you and the kids safe and away from this highly dysfunctional ppl

    They are crazy and dangerous :-(

  3. #163
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    He doesn't want to keep contact with them. He just can't actually commit to cutting them off for good forever iykwim?

    It is hard to explain. Living through it with him, I get it. I think he can't let go of some hope that things will change, that they'll wake up to themselves and stop being morons. He knows it is a forlorn hope, but he just keeps saying he can't get enough of DD that it makes him sad they are missing out on something that makes him so happy. And with bub 2 coming...

    Thanks everyone xxx


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  4. #164
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    All that said- none of us are having any contact with them at all atm.


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  5. #165
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    Hugs rach. You guys have been through the wringer!!

    Deciding not to have contact is a big step for your DH. Its going to take time.... over 20yrs to develop this situation means it will take time to move through each stage.

    Stay strong!

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to dancingbutterfly For This Useful Post:

    rach85  (05-10-2013)

  7. #166
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    He doesn't want to keep contact with them. He just can't actually commit to cutting them off for good forever iykwim?

    It is hard to explain. Living through it with him, I get it. I think he can't let go of some hope that things will change, that they'll wake up to themselves and stop being morons. He knows it is a forlorn hope, but he just keeps saying he can't get enough of DD that it makes him sad they are missing out on something that makes him so happy. And with bub 2 coming...

    Thanks everyone xxx


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.
    I get where your dh is coming from.

    I was pregnant with ds2 when I cut contact with my mother (and her side of the family).

    It is hard, very hard. You hope and hope and hope that they'll change. But they never will.

    You and your dh have given them plenty of opportunity to change their behaviour. It's all on them that they won't be a part of your kids lives.

    It will take time for your dh to accept that you can't make someone change and that no amount of hope, reasoning, pleading, whatever will matter.

    I hope your dh continues with his counselling. It will be extremely helpful for him. Your continued support will also help - the support I got from my df helped more than he will ever realise.

    I wish you and your dh all the best.



    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to dancingchipmunk For This Useful Post:

    rach85  (05-10-2013)

  9. #167
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    OH MY GOD.

    I've just read everything.

    I have no words.

    Just this :what: :what:

    I feel like I have been brutally slapped in the face after reading all that.

    rach. I feel terrible for you and your DH.
    Those are narcissist in the purest form.
    Shut them out. Don't look back.

  10. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Bergeron For This Useful Post:

    GrabbyCrabby  (05-10-2013),MsViking  (26-10-2013),rach85  (05-10-2013)

  11. #168
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    Thanks everyone. It has been so awesome to be able to vent in here and hear all your objective thoughts. It has kept me strong and resolved.

    Dh and I found a table at a garage sale this morning we decided to strip back and paint. While DD slept we were able to work away and chat about it all. Since then we have been jokingly getting each other in trouble with quotes from all the letters/emails/sms/convos. It has been so good to laugh about it. That old adage if you don't laugh you'll cry! But it is seriously that ridiculous that all you can do is laugh I think? It is good for dh to get some relief and I think he is feeling less guilty.

    Hoping so much that they will stay away and leave us alone, and somehow realise-without us having to say- that this is not going to work. Have it kinda all disappear into thin air....

    Yeah right!! ;P


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to rach85 For This Useful Post:

    Cicho  (05-10-2013),VicPark  (06-10-2013)

  13. #169
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    You sound like you are dealing with it very well!! I wish DP was more like you - he is the one feeling guilty for cutting my parents off!! They're trying to weasel back in currently - I hope that your in laws do just disappear, the weaseling sucks. Good luck!!

  14. #170
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    Quote Originally Posted by becandabub View Post
    You sound like you are dealing with it very well!! I wish DP was more like you - he is the one feeling guilty for cutting my parents off!! They're trying to weasel back in currently - I hope that your in laws do just disappear, the weaseling sucks. Good luck!!
    And I wish my dh was as resolved as you! Lol.

    I doubt they'll just disappear. Especially after that email with MIL saying she thought it went well and they can rebuild! Insane!

    I hope yours quit with the weaseling, it is so not easy Do they contact your dp instead of you, knowing he may be the 'weaker' link iykwim? (Absolutely no offence to your dp meant, just wondering if that is part of their mo!)


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.


 

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