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  1. #121
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    Thanks everyone. And sorry to all those who have been through this! Honestly I feel for you all because I feel constantly sick to my stomach

    MIL has now sent a massive email to us because we won't meet to talk with her. I'm so tempted to cut and paste it in here for you all to read. She takes zero responsability for anything, 100% defends herself, her father, and all her actions. She has threatened to tell everyone how bad we are and 'stop keeping our abuse secret'.

    We are just horrible, horrible people according to them. Who are constantly mean to poor old them.

    Worst thing is I feel so bad, I'm wondering if we have gotten the whole thing wrong and we are horrible??? She has a way of twisting things to make us look horrid I guess. It is not how it happened though. And she has a knack for making herself look almost good in hindsight??

    Far out I just don't know what to do anymore. And we got no sleep last night constantly scared of them turning up, so being utterly exhausted is not helping.


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  2. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by becandabub View Post
    Rach I feel for you. They suck.

    I've recently cut my parents out of my life. Two of the biggest narcissists I've ever come across. I am just sad I didn't do it sooner. Every time I would see them I would come away feeling like they'd scooped out my insides. So empty & drained. The final straw was when they babysat & completely ignored my instructions, leading to DD crying for 90 minutes & them not bothering to call me. All the abuse & disrespect directed at me & DH we could handle, but mess with our kid & there's consequences. I had your same concerns - it's a huge call to cut family members off, especially parents. But I've never been happier, I feel like I can finally be myself & live the way I want to. I'm also due with #2 in Jan btw. x
    Congrats on bub @becandabub!!

    Did your parents always seem to be able to twist things around and make you question if what happened happened? Or if how you feel is actually justified?? I just feel so sh1t now, like I've gotten it all wrong?? But I'm sure of how bad they have made me feel if that makes sense??

    I'm so sorry you went through it (and still are I'd imagine!!)


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  3. #123
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    TimeForWine is offline Taking everyday one wine at a time...
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    OMG OP!! They are beyond toxic - and making you sick!!! As sad as it is sometimes being family isnt enough.....

    They sound like masters at passive aggressive victims.... I really hope that you and your little family stay strong in the belief that you deserve to be treated with respect and love - and that is the only way you will allow them to react with you.

    I would cut any form of contact - i would only be replying / responding to civil and mature comments. Any negative, aggressive, blaming, manipulating corresespondence i woudl ignore. I would not reply. Dont give them any more power.

    Massive hugs..... any chance you can move ;-p

  4. #124
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    I think ignoring them has left the gate open for them to run with the idea they are victims, both within themselves and with the family. When there is only one point of view circulating, then people believe it. Ignoring them isn't working, your DH needs to take a stand and address this.

    Your DH needs to reply to her email and in polite, non emotional language respond to the various parts of her email with factual examples of why this is all happening e.g. her saying they aren't to blame. Have him list in dot point form, all the instances which you have listed in your thread and the effect it has had on the relationship. He then should spell out clearly how things are going to be - do not contact us anymore - or we will have limited contact with you both when you are willing to apologise and own your behaviour.

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  6. #125
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    Oh Rach you poor thing this thing is going from bad to crazy!!! They sound exactly like toddlers throwing tantrums because they can't get what they want. I'd be inclined to cut all contact and change your phone numbers if you have to! It doesn't sound like much will get through to them.

    Hopefully your DH's psych can give you both some guidance. Talk about the out-laws from hell!!! Xxx

  7. #126
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    god is there such a thing as a restraining order from bat sh1tz crazy ils???

  8. #127
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    Hold your ground.

    You did nothing wrong.

    If others are too blind to see that she's in the wrong let that be their problem.

    What comes around goes around. They'll get theirs eventually and everyone will see the situation for what it is.

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  10. #128
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post

    She takes zero responsability for anything, 100% defends herself, her father, and all her actions. She has threatened to tell everyone how bad we are and 'stop keeping our abuse secret'.

    We are just horrible, horrible people according to them. Who are constantly mean to poor old them.





    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.
    What she has done there is called 'projection'. She is projecting her misdeeds back on to you because no way any of this is her fault and she needs to justify to herself and others that she is not at fault. Google 'projection' or 'narcisstic projection' and you may find some help with how to deal with it.

    I still say 'Ignore Ignore Ignore!' So not easy I know, but she is looking like the crazy one at the moment constantly trying to engage you so she can tell you how awful you are! Does that make sense?

    Sending you lots of stay strong vibes lovie x

  11. #129
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    she sounds like my mother in law. When she is in the wrong she picks a fight with you or someone else so then she becomes the victim. Blame transference.

    I just ignore her. It is a battle of wills.

  12. #130
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    Congrats on bub @becandabub!!

    Did your parents always seem to be able to twist things around and make you question if what happened happened? Or if how you feel is actually justified?? I just feel so sh1t now, like I've gotten it all wrong?? But I'm sure of how bad they have made me feel if that makes sense??

    I'm so sorry you went through it (and still are I'd imagine!!)


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.
    Thank you, & to you!

    Yep, it's called gaslighting. They make you think you are the crazy one by either denying something occurred or remembering a completely different version in which they are the hero. If they've no way to do that then they just refuse to accept that an issue exists. Apparently my DD crying for 90 minutes when I am a no cry parent & gave specific instructions for them to call me which they ignored is alright because she didn't come to physical harm. My father argued & argued & when I didn't back down he said I was behaving like a victim. I hung up & haven't had any contact with them since. People like this are toxic. They are lovely if you do things their way but if you want any kind of autonomy be prepared to be debased to within an inch of your life, they can't fathom that you could wish to exist outside their circle of influence.

    They will never admit making you feel horrible. I went overseas with my family in my early twenties & they were awful to me. I told my father I felt left out & would like to be included in activities etc, & he basically told me to eff off, that no-one could control my feelings & I just needed to stop feeling that way. As long as they're getting what they want they don't care in the slightest about how that affects others.

    Sorry for the rant!!

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