+ Reply to Thread
Page 11 of 45 FirstFirst ... 91011121321 ... LastLast
Results 101 to 110 of 447
  1. #101
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,689
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    If I were you I would make it a rule they can't see your children while you aren't there. That way you can control what happens make sure they aren't playing games with your kids. These sort of people might start trying to turn your kids against you, planting ideas that mummy is mean and won't let me see you.

    Also if the rule is you must be there it might turn out your busy A LOT so can't see them much
    What about if hubby was there? Surely hubby would be competent enough to nip that sort of behavior in the bud.

  2. #102
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    361
    Thanks
    57
    Thanked
    162
    Reviews
    0
    I realise there are 100 posts and I haven't read replies. Apologies for that in advance.

    I think you in laws were WAY out of line doing a birthday cake without you. Horrible. Nasty. I'd be devastated.

    Perhaps the flat no response you gave them when they asked to celebrate her birthday early was a bit of the problem. Maybe if you gave them options for how you could do xyz either before or after her birthday that would have been 'the plan' rather than having no plan.

    It is important to forgive family. It's a new thing for you all as you said you didn't have much of a relationship before bubba. Give it time, it will get easier.

  3. #103
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    817
    Thanks
    155
    Thanked
    249
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Jennybaby View Post
    I realise there are 100 posts and I haven't read replies. Apologies for that in advance.

    I think you in laws were WAY out of line doing a birthday cake without you. Horrible. Nasty. I'd be devastated.

    Perhaps the flat no response you gave them when they asked to celebrate her birthday early was a bit of the problem. Maybe if you gave them options for how you could do xyz either before or after her birthday that would have been 'the plan' rather than having no plan.

    It is important to forgive family. It's a new thing for you all as you said you didn't have much of a relationship before bubba. Give it time, it will get easier.
    We never gave them a flat 'no' response and we definitely left things open for them when they got home a couple of weeks AFTER her birthday. We explained our position quite clearly. As our first child and her first birthday we really wanted it to be celebrated on the day, it seemed only fair considering they choose to book their holiday then. If they wanted to be there, they could have been. They choose not to. The holiday was just a holiday. There were no special events and they could have gone anytime. I feel they were extremely selfish and inconsiderate, why should I accomodate them when it was all their choice iykwim?

    The only reason they didn't do anything with her after they returned is because of what they did, and then MIL going mental and refusing to deal with the situation. And for once, dh and I refused to let them pretend they had done nothing wrong and carry on as 'normal'.

    Argh I'm just so sick of them, and so sick of losing sleep over it all!


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  4. #104
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    2,555
    Thanks
    879
    Thanked
    559
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I don't know if it's practical or not, but moving away might be your only option left. Create some physical distance between yourselves and your IL's? I really feel for you. I don't know what else I can say to help except that clearly your IL's are in control. And they know it. They do what they want whenever with no consequences. If you created some physical distance that might help, although I realize that may not be possible. I would have seriously lost my shiz way before now. You must be a saint!
    Last edited by Cicho; 29-09-2013 at 14:25.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Cicho For This Useful Post:

    Jennybaby  (29-09-2013)

  6. #105
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    3,230
    Thanks
    650
    Thanked
    886
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    We're moving across the country, and as hard as it will be, I am so so glad that I wont have to deal with my passive-aggressive MIL for the 2 years that we will be gone.

    Think about it OP. Maybe that's the only way they'll learn.

  7. #106
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    817
    Thanks
    155
    Thanked
    249
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Cicho View Post
    I don't know if it's practical or not, but moving away might be your only option left. Create some physical distance between yourselves and your IL's? I really feel for you. I don't know what else I can say to help except that clearly your IL's are in control. And they know it. They do what they want whenever with no consequences. If you created some physical distance that might help, although I realize that may not be possible. I would have seriously lost my shiz way before now. You must be a saint!
    It would really, REALLY help!! But- my whole family is here. We both really love our jobs here- our careers are developing in an area where it is hard to have that happen. We live in a sort after area and I fear leaving, we'll never get back in! We have so much support for me and dd and the next bub coming. I'm torn, I'd love to go and have an adventure, but I'd also be making things really hard on us in a big way. For instance I have been able to go back to work part time for the majority of this year and not needed a second of child care for dd- my family happily have her. It is alot to sacrifice. And I get cranky at them having the power to push us away! I think we both just need to be strong and tell them to fu@k off- we have had enough!

    I'm pretty sure I have lost my shiz too- I must be coming across really well on here There have been many nasty ***** sessions with my sister and my friends re these people. And I have some pretty decent hissy fits with dh when it all gets too much!!


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to rach85 For This Useful Post:

    Cicho  (29-09-2013)

  9. #107
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    27
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked
    11
    Reviews
    0
    You don't need to move. We haven't spoken to the ILs in about 3 years and they live 2 suburbs away. In 3 years we've probably only seen them at the shops and driving around a couple of times. They wouldn't know it was us driving either because we got a new car

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to Paris08 For This Useful Post:

    PurpleButterfly4  (29-09-2013)

  11. #108
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Gold Coast
    Posts
    2,302
    Thanks
    1,824
    Thanked
    237
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Selfish people and they should know better!!!
    I hope your DH stays strong and will accept that if it doesn't go well after this convo there's no use trying to make things work.
    All the best!!


    Single mummy to a wonderful DS (Born 11/12/2008)

  12. #109
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    2,555
    Thanks
    879
    Thanked
    559
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I agree, you shouldn't have to move. And it sounds like you have a great support system, lucky you!

    One thing I found that worked for me was not having any contact with the IL's alone. If DH wasn't there, then I would never go to their place and I discouraged them coming here until I had a major explosion one evening after they came over at 7.30pm while I was in my pj's baby asleep etc unannounced. After that I told them never to come back without calling first. Sheesh! But that seemed to work and they left me alone after that.

    Could you suggest that to your DH? No direct contact between yourself and IL's. You will only see them in his presence? Maybe explain you are not interested in a relationship with them directly, but will visit with them (preferably in a public place btw) when it suits you and with plenty of notice?
    Last edited by Cicho; 30-09-2013 at 05:17.

  13. #110
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    817
    Thanks
    155
    Thanked
    249
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    We already have the call before you come rule. Always did (even for the hospital when dd was born but they ignored it!). We also have a rule that they can't come after 5pm because that is our family time when dh gets home from work and is the bath, dinner, bed routine time. They told us during this blow up that they think these rules are like 'a court ordered custody agreement....' Such complete weirdos. They never respected either rule, they'd ring at 4 and ask to come, I'd say yes and they'd come at 5. Gah!

    I love your other suggestion and will definitely go with that! They'll crack the sh1ts because dh works 8-5 and after 5 is our time and weekends are pretty special to us too. But that said, we have always told them weekends will work if they ask us and we have nothing else on.... But they have never asked to come on a weekend because that is when MIL spends 24/7 with her parents, siblings, nieces and nephews. But considering I never want to see them again (just a feeling, not going to enforce it!!), not dealing with them on my own is the next best option.

    Love it! Thanks @Cicho!


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to rach85 For This Useful Post:

    Cicho  (30-09-2013)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Upsetting: Illigal immigrant planning attack
    By Lovemyfam in forum News & Current Affairs
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 09-12-2013, 09:09
  2. Replies: 5
    Last Post: 08-05-2013, 18:31
  3. Feels like a dream
    By Myztiks#1Fan in forum General Chat
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 30-01-2013, 08:32

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Boody Organic Bamboo Baby Wear
Softer than your bub's bum Boody Organic Bamboo Baby Wear
Australia's favourite eco brand has delivered a gorgeous baby collection. Made from organic bamboo, Boody's extraordinarily soft and stretchy, skin-friendly tops, bottoms, onesies, bibs and wraps don't 'cost the earth'. Get 20% OFF! Code BUBHUB16.
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Sarah Tooke Childbirth & Parenting Education
Providing private, personalised antenatal childbirth & parenting education to expectant parents in the comfort of their own home. Sessions are flexible, including everything that hospital based programs cover. Click to find out more!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!