Without going into any back story or a huge amount of context I'm wondering if this situation is as bad as it felt to me and my dh at the time. It isn't resolved and the further we get from it the more we worry we are crazy (his parents are fabulous at making us feel that way!)
So- soon after DD (IL's first grandchild) they informed us they had booked an overseas holiday over her first birthday. We were both upset (mainly because the constant pressure was on for them to be a massive part of her life, often to our/other family/ friends expense) but figured it is their choice and let it go. Leading up to their departure, they started to say we HAD to have her first birthday party before they left (over a month before her birthday). We didn't think that was reasonable so we said no. We wanted her birthday to be celebrated on her birthday! It was our first child and her first birthday. It was important to us. I explained this to them, dh backed me up, they didn't like it but said nothing more.
Fast forward to the day before they leave. I had recently returned to work (something I hated, being away from my first bubba and missing out on things!!) and they had formed a habit of coming over while I was at work (they don't like me at all). They came over whileI was at work and threw her a party, sang happy birthday, gave her birthday cake, blew out candles with her, gave her presents and took photos. Dh was so stunned by it all, and kinda let it happen knowing I'd be devestated and being pretty upset himself!! He called me when they left to tell me and apologised profusely for not stopping it. I was heartbroken. I'd missed what I thought were really important milestones/events, I felt like they stole them from me. It was hard enough being away from her at work, but to completely disregard me saying no to a party before her birthday and steal all those firsts from me when I wasn't there...
So I texted MIL, told her it had really upset me and asked her not to post the pics all over fb. She ignored me and rang my dh, who said she had to address it with me, not ignore me, but that he supported me 100% and completely understood what I was feeling and was upset by their actions too. Long story short MIL lost it (she has...issues) and got all the extended family involved (who attacked us basically because they only ever here her side of things!) and then ****ed off overseas. The harrassment by the extended family continued while they were away, telling us we were awful people and saying no to the IL's was akin to 'a court ordered custody arrangement' (WTF??) etc etc.
They came back from their holiday, and dh texted them and asked that they not come straight over, but to give us a little space to try figure out where to go from here, because we were still upset that it wasn't resolved and then got worse while they were away. They haven't spoken to us since.
We really don't know what to do. They ignored us before we had DD, but since she came they want to take over our lives. They have done awful things over and over in her 14 months. It is just so hard. First example was after a traumatic 33 hour labour resulting in emergency c section, we txted them to let them know DD was here but asked for no visitors until DH said it was ok. Within an hour from being back from recovery, during rest time (door shut, light off, all of us asleep) the room was filled with his parents, grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins. Noone had asked dh. I was still naked under a blanket with drains and catheters everywhere and had only been with DD an hour. I was horrified
So because they aren't speaking to us, and because the family keeps attacking us about horrible we are, I guess we are starting to believe we are in the wrong? My gut says we aren't, but my head is clouded iykwim? I feel bad that DD hasn't seen them for months (not that she likes them, they are horrible with kids and often make her scream the refuse to give her to me for comfort)... I don't want to give in and go to them
Because they would take that as an apology and I don't think we have done anything wrong? I want them to ackowledge their behaviour, respect us and work with us in DD's life not just do whatever the hell they want all the time. Is that bad??
Sorry for the massive post... But- HELP!!
Me 27 + Him 28 =
#2 due 28.1.2014
6 angels loved and missed.