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  1. #11
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    I would be taking a screen shot and sending it. It sounds like she doesn't feel able to continue the friendship at any rate so I feel like you might as well support you previous conversation with some proof. Irrespective of what she chooses to do with that at least she will know that you were not disloyal to her and did not reciprocate Ben's attentions in anyway...and more importantly, you will know that she knows.

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  2. #12
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    I think you definitely did the right thing in telling her OP. Sucks that it has ended this way, but I think you would find deep down she probably knows what you said is true. It makes me sad that women are stuck in relationships with dead beats like this. The fact that HE cheated on her and then had the audacity to place restrictions on her by not befriending her on facebook screams manipulative creep to me.

    I think I would take a screen shot of the messages too like PP's said (if you still have them) and maybe just let her know you are there if she needs a friend.

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  4. #13
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    Ok this is what I think.

    I think that if you knew they were NOT fb friends you shouldn't have accepted his friendship request or iniatiated one...

    It would make me very uneasy to know my friend was not friends with her partner on fb but I was.

    You left yourself wide open for this to happen . I'm not saying its your fault but you knew from the start that he was a player as your friend had confided in you that he was previously.

    It also wasn't your fault that he wrote those things, I personally would have shown her the evidence ....

    She obviously knows deep down what he is like and continues to accept it. She just doesn't want to deal with this new information so it's easier for her to pretend your lying. But deep down she knows the truth.

    The guy is a turd. And unfortunately he has cost you your friendship....

  5. #14
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    I did show her the messages and she sW the he had liked my pictures and she just said "oh how nice" and she stopped talking to me.

    I didnt initiate the friend request he did.... he is also friends with alot of jills other friends on fb so I thought nothing of it

  6. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnyflower View Post
    Ok this is what I think.

    I think that if you knew they were NOT fb friends you shouldn't have accepted his friendship request or iniatiated one...

    It would make me very uneasy to know my friend was not friends with her partner on fb but I was.

    You left yourself wide open for this to happen . I'm not saying its your fault but you knew from the start that he was a player as your friend had confided in you that he was previously.

    It also wasn't your fault that he wrote those things, I personally would have shown her the evidence ....

    She obviously knows deep down what he is like and continues to accept it. She just doesn't want to deal with this new information so it's easier for her to pretend your lying. But deep down she knows the truth.

    The guy is a turd. And unfortunately he has cost you your friendship....
    I think this is a bit unfair.. They have been friends on Facebook for 2 years...

  7. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by fairyflossy View Post
    I did show her the messages and she sW the he had liked my pictures and she just said "oh how nice" and she stopped talking to me.

    I didnt initiate the friend request he did.... he is also friends with alot of jills other friends on fb so I thought nothing of it

    Its not your fault. Who cares if you accepted his friends request.
    I have been in your situation (not on FB) and I told my friend that her partner tried to hit on me ( constantly) big mistake.
    It all ended up being my fault even though her partner had cheated on her before. From now on I keep my mouth shut and stay well out of it.
    We are no longer friends but it's for the best because I was constantly put in uncomfortable situations.
    At the end of the day it's not my job to tell you your DP is a tosser.
    He has cheated before, they probably have a crappy relationship and he won't accept her on FB if she can't put the puzzle together it's not your problem.
    Sorry for being blunt but the whole blaming the woman thing is just stupid. It shouldn't matter who he is friends with or what situation he is in dont cheat!

  8. #17
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    I think that it is really bizarre that a husband and wife are not each others friends on FB. It's a bit like a teenage girl not wanting to be friends with her older brother or parents, she wants to hide things from them.
    I assume your friend already knows what he gets up to behind her back, but perhaps turns a blind eye and doesn't want to face reality.
    Personally I would leave it and not send anything.

  9. #18
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    She's in denial and now you know what she chooses to stay and put up with. maybe she is ashamed or embarrassed about that and needed to end your friendship because she cant face you.

    The easiest emotion to jump to is anger and thats what she did.

    Sorry you were brought into their messed up lives. Move on and good riddance.


    Mumma to two beautiful boys on the spectrum and one special little girl.

  10. #19
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    I dont think you could have done anything differently. It sounds like she doesnt want to know the truth and would prefer to be in denial at the moment. very unfortunate but you really cant do anything more. I think you will have to move on. I had a similar situation a few years with a friend in a DV situation. I tried to gently encourage her to leave her partner and she stopped talking to me altogether. I think she felt I was judging her and wanted to avoid that. So recently she did find the strength to leave him and I am really proud of her, although we don't speak anymore. Back then, when we stopped talking, it just wasnt the right time for her.

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    Sounds like she is living in a dream world, even if you proved to her that he did it, she likely wouldn't leave him, she has already busted him over and over and he won't even friend her on facebook. Very sad really, she is the one that will suffer.

    You haven't done anything wrong, but sometimes the messenger gets into trouble. I'd move on and put it behind me if I were you.


 

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