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  1. #1
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    Default friend situation

    Ok so im just kinda having a vent and also wondering how other people would feel in this situation

    Its long!!!!!!!!



    Was really good friends with a lady for about 4 years.... we only use to communicate over fb and have catch ups at each others house etc
    We never really saw each others partners as they were at work when we would catch up... but we had met before....

    Anyway...

    We will call my friend jill and her partner ben

    Ben had cheated on jill numerous times years ago that she found out about but she remained with him

    Ben and jill werent friends on fb... ben would not add her (even though they lived together and had kids)

    Ben had added me though been friends on fb for about 2 years..

    Ben out of the blue messages me and just asks how I am.. General chat about the kids his new job etc...
    Chat fizzled out soon after.

    Few weeks later the same chat occurs


    He likes few of my pics on fb

    And again the same chats a week or so later

    Chats again... but this time he starts complaining about jill leaving him with the kids while she goes out

    I say ohh she deserves a break type thing

    Few weeks later he starts another convo saying I should go out to town with him and his guy friends.... and that he wants to get in bed with me ...
    Just out of the blue.

    I said he was disgusting and asked if jill knew he was talking to me..
    He says no..

    So I spent 2 days thinking of how I should mention this to jill...

    When jill and I were having a chat over fb I mentioned him chatting to me and she started going crazy asking questions. .. I hadnt yet mentioned anything that he had said that was inappropriate... I end up telling her and she didn't believe me


    She said I was lying and trying to break them up etc she deleted me from fb and refused to talk to me...

    That was about 16months ago...

    I sent her a message saying im sorry about what happened and would like to be friends again etc and she told me to pi $$ off.




    Do you think I have done anything wrong? ?

    I didn't initiate any of the conversations between ben I didn't make any inappropriate comments and ended the convo when he did. Why I she like this to me??

    How would you react??

    I know it sounds high school but it irritates me

  2. #2
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    Could you have taken a pic of the convo and sent it to her. Or even met up with her and showed her the messages? I dont think you did the wrong thing. He said yucky stuff you told him thats not on and then told his partner what he had been doing behind her back. None of that sounds like you are in the wrong at all. Him? Totally in the wrong and tbh I think maybe she is in a bit of denial. Kinda sucky situation for you and her.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  3. #3
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    She just doesn't want to admit her relationship isn't in a great place. You didn't do anything wrong, he did, but its easier to erase you and pretend everything is still perfect.

  4. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Lincolns mummy For This Useful Post:

    BeeSam  (16-09-2013),gizmoduckus  (16-09-2013),Mummy Potato  (16-09-2013),Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (16-09-2013),Starfish30  (16-09-2013)

  5. #4
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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    Yep, a screenshot of the convos would iron out 'who said what' ...I feel sorry for you, and for your friend!!

  6. #5
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    Like pp I think you did the right thing and I know it was not easy to tell her, well done, you are a true friend.
    Also agree the evidence would be helpful.

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    It's just the way their relationship works. Nothing to do with you. I would just leave it as is.

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  9. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfish30 View Post
    It's just the way their relationship works. Nothing to do with you. I would just leave it as is.
    Actually yes, after all this time, really best to leave it, otherwise it will get messy all over again. No, it's not fair, but sometimes that's the way life is.

  10. #8
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    Unfortunately like others said, better to just move on. Know you did the right thing especially to yourself and especially if you would have liked to know. You couldn't have continued the friendship dishonestly it wouldn't have been fair on either of you.

    She is angry because she doesn't want to believe what has happened - I mean what a snake! But she probably knows deep down that it's true. Just be there when she realises (if she ever does) otherwise you can't force it on her. She has made her choice and to remain a friend you just have to respect that.

    Hugs - been where you are and it's not nice

  11. #9
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    Wow, your friend and her partner have really put you in a bad position.

    From what you have written, it sounds like you have done everything right.

    I agree with pp's, this friend is in denial about the state of her relationship. I have had friends in a similar state of denial, if he has tried to involve you in his deceit I would keep my distance. It makes you an easy target for her to blame.

    Sent from my GT-N8010 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Print screen the conversation & send it to her.

    I had a similar thing with a girl. However she wasn't my friend, I didn't know her. Her partner was cheating on her with me (I didn't know she existed until she sent me a message asking who I was)

    I told her everything & she didn't believe me.

    I will never forget her sleaze bag bf (who is now her fiancée) saying to me: 'you aren't the first & you won't be the last'

    You've done all you can do.. It's probably happened before & she is refusing to believe it or is in denial to protect herself from being hurt.


 

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