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  1. #421
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    Oh no Crystal, I value my FS's opinion enormously. He has worked in the field for such a long time, and we think he is wonderful. I am sure plenty of times everything goes well for donors who travel, and there are no problems, like the women you have read about, but the point my FS was making is that not every agency/clinic is going to be responsible every time, especially where money is changing hands, and the best way to avoid compromising a donor, is to work through a clinic where a donor is treated in her home country. The donors might be 'intelligent young women' but if they are going to get paid to take a bunch of hormones, travel a long way to a developing country and take anasthetic to give up their eggs, they are vulnerable. Love you Crystal, but my doctor makes an important point that probably isn't made enough.

  2. #422
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    I think you both raise good points about Thailand and I think it would depend hugely which agency/clinic you chose as to how they treat their donors. I know that in India they fly the donors in every 3 months in an escorted group. If that wasn't the case then I could see the possibility for something possibly going wrong. You don't want to think about your donor being unwell or facing challenges as a result of the wonderful thing she has done for you.

    What to do in winter in Zlin: I have some links of thing to do on the first page of this thread but let me see how I go.

    Svah Zlin - a small ski slope basically next to the clinic. On their website they have a webcam so you can check the snow, or you can just look out the window
    Golden Apple Shops and Cinema. This is a 3 (?/2) storey mall next to town square. It's not huge but has some clothes shops etc and a supermarket in the basement. The cinema on the top floor has major release movies mostly in English with Czech subtitles. For example your blockbuster American films will still be in English. Check their website: titilky is subtitles in Czech and dabbing means it has been dubbed and you wont understand a thing! (mostly this is kids movies though)
    There is another shopping centre on the Uno side of the canal that has a big sports store and supermarket. For a taste of home there is even a nail salon staffed exclusively by Chinese speaking workers. I'm not sure if that's racist but I found it kind of funny!
    There is usually a little market along a path near the town square and there are lots of little shops around here to browse and have a look in. There's a good book shop actually near the pedestrian crossing. I collect interesting copies of Jane Eyre so got myself a copy in Czech!

    The zoo will be cold but it's a pretty good zoo, unlike any other I have been to. It's kind of got a forest in the middle of it and a beautiful large chateau!

    There are lots of museums, a shoe museum, a car museum, a Tomas Bata museum. If you go into the tourist info centre just off the town square they should be able to set you up with some brochures and things. Apparently they even have an English speaking guide you can hire, we didn't but I've heard good things!

  3. #423
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    If you haven't seen it there's an interesting video on YouTube showing all the different places in Zlin. The music may do your head in though!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yxmry8l4Vuk
    And yes Tiggy, I'm a researcher!

  4. #424
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    Thanks Alice, I was a bit worried there wouldn't be enough to do but sounds like there will be plenty

  5. #425
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    Sooty - so sorry to hear the news. You're amazingly strong to be able to look forward so soon. Go Sooty May!

    Bugger, I can't come to our catch up in 21st. Have to go to dad's for Xmas. Really disappointed.

  6. #426
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    Hi Ladies - wow you have all been busy here

    Its my way of coping... moving forward, like a bull at a gate... its what I did last time after my own cycle... no point in sitting in the paddock doing nothing when this is what I want so much. DH said if we had 100k in the bank, we would just keep on going - has always said that. BUT we don't.. so the pressure will come on again, this next time. Look out everyone, brace yourselves !!

    I even talked to the agency today about going back as early as 26 Dec - 6 Jan .... as the office closes over this time, and it means no fibs in trying to get time off work again. I've had a lot of AL lately and I don't feel comfortable at all asking for more... so its a huge burden... sometimes more so than everything else.. until I get a "story" that works and that I can convince myself of.. that is plausible.

    Ha ha - the agency said to slow down... I politely told them, that's not my way of dealing with it... and said I hope I haven't offended, but why wait... when to be honest... for me... this same thing happened last year. Had my own cycle in November... didn't work, had xmas, family over, went to NZ, drank HEAPS of beautiful delicious wine... and then when it came time to knuckle back down again and get back into the game... it was so much harder... as you get out of the whole mind set of the energy required etc... if you get what I mean. Its just not the way I work.

    The Dr in CT, reckons it's too soon. But... I've got my own issues with him now... so he can just take a jump for now - and I will double check what Dr M here thinks. Maybe it is... and if it is... I will slow the boat down... long as it doesn't sink!! ha ha I may change Doctors... just bidding time, mulling that one over for now.

    Crystal - when you say secondary testing with Dr M... what do you mean? I just had a bunch of bloods done, plus the uterine biopsy I sent and that was it. Sorry ?!

    Dr M is weaning me off the Dex, 1 tab every 3 days. Keep up magnesium anyone on it. I haven't really taken since the flight home, as have only 1/2 tspn left and I just got the WORST cramp in my calf again... nearly fainted.. that's how bad it is, and I can still feel both legs playing up - ****e. Off to the chemist first thing.. I've just downed a whole lot of multi vitamins that have some mag in them... but prob not enough.

    Its soooooooooo interesting what you've all been saying about how you feel about your donor, telling your child etc. I really struggled with all of that in the beginning (and know if/when we get pregnant - it will raise itself again along the way). I went to the VARTA seminar here in Melb. Run every year... a sell out. Google VARTA.. there are stories/pod casts/videos of donor children talking - an amazing program/seminar. Take my hat off to them (Alice thanks for the video too)

    I went to that within a few weeks of deciding to look into ED. At the time, it was probably quite raw for me.. as tears came and I had to force them back. Most those kids had been told early... and the counsellors that spoke said the same thing... if you tell them early, and if you tell them with no hang ups yourself.. they wont think its a big deal. These kids were amazing... to stand up in front of us all... and they had their parents there too.

    We will be telling our child. I think its their right.. but that's only because I think to myself... imagine if I ever found out I was a donor child / adopted whatever at a later age... how would I feel. From what I have heard, it seems those children are the ones that tend to go off the rails...

    Of course that will bring with it issues and to be honest... I agree, its no one else bloody business !! (excuse language) but... I still have to do it for the child. They may never be interested in finding out more... one gorgeous young 13 year old boy said, he knows he can contact them if he wants... but he just has no interest, these are his parents.. he was the cutest thing - looked just like his Mum (he was a donor embryo) and a little stocky rugby looking build - too cute, with the most beautiful cheeky smile.. obviously his Mum was an amazing parent to him.

    But I totally get those that don't want to say too. I also am like Tiggy, I loved my first donor... and I'm sad that we obviously wont be using her again... I just cant. We messaged her via the agency and she is a really lovely young lady. The day of egg retrieval, when she got home, she sent the most amazing message via the agency, saying how worried and anxious she was before retrieval, and then on waking, how when the Doctor told her 13 eggs, she was so happy for us. She thanked us for her thoughtful gifts and said she was sending all her love and energy out way for a successful outcome. Sadly it hasn't worked out like that.

    I also understand too, from meeting a lady in SA that has been 4 times now... she opened my eyes a little... she said first time she felt like that.. 2nd, 3rd, 4th she lost the attachment more and more, it was simply "who is going to get me the results...?" even down to not caring anymore what they look like.

    Anyways... enough ranting and raving from me... far out.. sorry ! I should got to bed 12pm and look at me! Tiggy - I get what you mean about the ED and bonding etc... its natural.. and you just go on been really honest... all of you in sharing all this stuff. I think its great you talk about it on here. The SA forum, this stuff has never come up. And I know when I joined it... I thought, its not about that, its about going to SA, the treatment, the agencies etc... but its great that all you girls can discuss this and are like minded and open minded enough to hear out everyones opinions xx

  7. #427
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    PS - OMG, just re-read that - sorry for such a long post !!!

    And OMG again... derrrr.. I just realised I probably cant go back this soon (26 Dec - 6th Jan), as need to have a period.. and go through all the meds / pill / ovulation suppression again etc... see how good my memory is... and where impatience gets you !! Looks like I'll be chilling over Xmas after all for a few months xx
    Last edited by sootymay; 26-11-2013 at 23:26.

  8. #428
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    I was going to say that December might be a bit too soon for that reason. Can you be a little bit honest with your work place? Can you tell them you have to go overseas for medical treatment? That's what I told my workplace and they were supportive, but they knew I had been going through IVF back here because I kept needing random days off. I think it's important to take a little time so you don't burn out. On another board there was a woman who went to the CZ and had four unsuccessful cycles in a year. After the last one she was just a complete emotional wreck and her marriage was falling apart. She'd never slowed down and given herself or more importantly her partner time to recover. I think we can sometimes forget about the men, the BFN's effect them just as much but they tend to try and stay strong for us.

    Thank you for the link about VARTA! I looked it up and I am definitely interested in going to that in 2014! Fantastic!

    ETA: I just read this and Sooty, I hope it doesn't sound like I imply your marriage will fall apart, that's not what I meant at all! What it should read as is take the time you feel is right for you and your husband! Also, before we went back for our second attempt we spoke to a psychologist who specialises in fertility issues. She asked an important question. When do you stop? It's something we could never agree on because we always kept saying 'just one more time'. I could never imagine stopping when you want something that much. Damn the money! One thing I always made sure of though was that before we embarked on one journey I had enough put away so that if we needed/wanted to we could go back whenever we wanted. Money can be stressful!
    Last edited by Alice284; 27-11-2013 at 12:45.

  9. #429
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    Alice... I know what you mean. I does put a strain on things at times... this time DH suggested we go back.. but does want me to RELAX, and enjoy xmas / January... so we will. I also know what you mean... we do forget about them... trying to be strong... its always about us - ha ha.

    I can't really be honest with work unfortunately, they would figure it out, as my previous boss, who is now at another office knows I was doing IVF, I had to tell her due to all the time off. She knows about places like SA etc from a girl that used to work here, that told her how her Gay friends had gone to India and used surrogacy and a donor and whamo pregnant the first time - lucky people So I just don't want to go there. It does add an unwanted pressure, as I'm not one to pull sickies etc... I'll have to put my thinking cap on for this one. I'm sure I'll come up with something.

    Yes the VARTA thing is awesome. Just a word, if you are ever talking personally to Kate Bourne, who runs it - lovely lady, there to talk to at any time... she is quite against overseas ED.. .because of the anonymous side of it... prefers local.. I just didn't get into it with her ... She wont say it outright, its only if you talk to her about it. But she's an amazing women and the seminar was just fantastic.

  10. #430
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    Is Kate a doctor Sooty? It's interesting the varied medical opinions.
    One of my FS's is actually the director of an IVF clinic that operate in three states, specialises in IVF failure and invented Menevit! He told us we needed donor eggs and then basically told us that whilst Australia is an option it's slow and has no guarantees; we would be better off going overseas. He is a bit of an advocate for people who need DE and is pushing for Australian laws to be reviewed and changed. He feels that if it was easier to access DE here and we had more donors as they were able to be paid then we wouldn't have so many conundrums and ethical issues regarding overseas treatment, which is completely right!
    I think the issue is as well that to use a known donor you really need to go to the US and an egg donor there can cost $10K not even including the IVF! Which is why lots of people end up in places like Europe and South Africa where donation is relatively anonymous but more affordable.
    If we could just pay donors here, perhaps a flat fee of $500 then it might tip the balance for some people.

    I think if you are honest with your child from the start about where they come from and answer any questions they have and make it normal (so don't make a huge deal about how DE makes them different) then I think that is ok. If our kids want to go to Zlin to see where they come from then we will take them.
    But I'll let you know how it goes in about 15 years time


 

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