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  1. #1
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    Default I betrayed his trust, not sure where else to put this.

    A few years ago I cheated on DP, where weren't dating, just sleeping with each other, and no one else. So I guess you could say we were dating. We had a massive fight, didn't talk for weeks and I cheated on him. I didn't know at the time, the guy was his best friend. I told DP the next day.

    We became serious, and started seeing each other properly, all the while he couldn't trust me 100% and always thought I was cheating when I wasn't.

    I have a 5yr Old DS from a previous relationship, I do share care with his dad. So we have him half the time.

    Two years ago, DP moved in with us, and a few months suggested he wanted me to have a baby with him, so I am now 3 months pregnant (yay) and we are both very excited.

    However, we had his friends ( a couple ) come stay and live with us for a while, they had use of my parents car that we used as a third car.

    Last week when I was at work, the couple texted me and said they had left my town, and were travelling to another town which is 1500km away. ( from townsville to brisbane )

    I told them no, I told them to turn around, but there was nothing I do could do, I said I was going to have my parents report the car stolen, and they said they would be back this weekend coming.

    Now, they did this to us 3 weeks ago, took the car from TSV to BNE. They left on a friday, said they'd be back monday ( they weren't ) then wednesdsay ( they still weren't ) then friday comes ( a week later, still no car ) I get a call that night after numerous texts and calls to say they would be home on sunday. i was beyond furious.

    So yes, they took the car again for a second time, and I am more than furious. I knew DP wouldn't let me report it stolen with my parents, because she has gone down to visit family, I didn't mind the first time, but its when they didnt bring the car back I got very p.ssed off.

    Yesterday, I went to the police station to have a chat to the police, DP called when I was in there, and I lied and said I was at the DR, when I got out exactly 10 minutes later, I called and said " honey i lied, I wasn't at the dr, I was at the polic station having a chat about the car to see what position we were in. " And then he hung up, sent me a message " Go to hell you Cheater "

    I then went home in tears, he was so angry, he wouldn't listen to me, I told him I never cheated ( because I sure as hell didn't ) and he kept walking away, he drove off, he didn't want me to touch him, he didn't want me to sit next to him, he didn't want me to even have my hand touching his back while we were in bed sleeping, he left this morning without giving me a kiss, I got out of the shower and he was just gone. And we always give each other a kiss goodbye.

    The reason I didn't tell him I was going to the police station, was because he wouldn't have let me go, he would have told me to wait till the weekend, but I can't wait, I need that car back, and I need to ensure its going to be back this weekend, as its my parents car, and they gave me two different days when they would be back and they weren't and it put me under immense stress.

    So yes I did betray his trust, but only because he wouldn't let me go in the first place. So now he thinks I've cheated And he's pushing me away, I'm having panic attacks and bawling my eyes out and coughing from the crying, and I'm sure its raising my blood pressure through the roof.

    I completely understand why he wouldn't trust me, because I did lie, even though I told him the truth 10 minutes later. But I didn't cheat, and this is what he's pushing me away for, not touching me, not hugging or kissing, or even being in the same room as me.

    I said to him, that we can call the police station to proof that I was in there having a chat, but he didn't listen.

    Deep down, i don't think he'll leave this relationship, but this is killing me and torturing me. yet if I'm feeling this way, I can't imagine how he would be feeling. I've left my phone at home so if he wants to go through it he can, he knows my password to my facebook.

    I dont know what else to do, and I have no one to talk to about this

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  3. #2
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    Hun is your DP controlling?

    He talked you into getting pregnant,... Did you want to? At that point were you deeply in love with him and thought you'd be with him forever?

    How is he with other areas of your life, your child etc?

    If it was me I'd say "look. I was at the police station. If you don't believe me that's your issue. If you think I was cheating instead of at the police station and insist on continuing to throw tantrums then I suggest you grow the **** up and get some psychological help." But that's just me. No way I would put up with being treated like crap.

    Do you have your own income/means to support yourself?

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  5. #3
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    I'm sorry you're in this situation. Honestly I think he's completely over-reacted and his text message was completely out of line. It's been two years, you live together and you're having a child, correct? That says to me he made the choice to move on and continue a future with you. While I would cut him some slack for still being wary I think telling you to go to hell is unnecessary. He wouldn't let you go to the police? Well he's not your keeper, its your parents car and its really only his problem because they are his friends, yes?

    He's acting immature and quite rude. I'd let him know that you have to follow up the car thing, its not your car. And let him know he needs to let go of his resentment now otherwise you will always have it hanging over your head. Does that make sense?

    I hope things work out for you.

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    I fail to see how u cheated if u were just sleeping together and had not spoken for two weeks when it happened.
    No doubt he will continue to use it against u whenever u lie or when he can't contact u.
    I also think he sounds controlling I mean he suggested a baby, his friends are living in ur home and he seems to have no issue with them taking advantage of your parents car (pretty sure if they took his car he would not be happy)
    I hope it gets sorted for u.

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    I'd just give him time to simmer down.
    He will probably come to his senses and realize he's blowing it all out of proportion soon enough. It only happened yesterday.
    My DH, chucks tantrums from time to time and won't speak to me (I do the same). He is probably like me, he is so angry he can't bear to deal with you but once he has time to think and simmer down all will be back to normal.
    When I'm angry at DH, I can't look at him, I can't talk to him.... Not until I've had time to process internally.

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  11. #6
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    I feel that, if he had "cheated" ( pfft your right though, i dont classify it as cheating either ) on me, and then he lied to me again ( even though telling me ten minutes later, and why ) It would tear me up inside, I would feel sick to my stomach, and unable to think or look at DP.

    He must feel so tortured, heart broken, and all that. I do understand, but sweet jesus, I didn't cheat, and I don't want to be blamed for something I sure as sugar didn't do

    I will give him time to calm down and hopefully it gets us somewhere.

  12. #7
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    Do you have your own income/means to support yourself?

    yes, I'm the main income earner, throughout my life, I've always learnt not to rely on others financially.

  13. #8
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    Hun is your DP controlling?
    He talked you into getting pregnant,... Did you want to? At that point were you deeply in love with him and thought you'd be with him forever?
    I was, and still am deeply inlove with him, I wanted to wait a bit longer, because I had just got promoted at work and wanted to make sure the promotion would still exsist when I got back from Mat Leave.
    How is he with other areas of your life, your child etc?
    Absolutely brilliant, honestly, this is his only down fall. He wanted another baby, so that he could make our family complete, he didn't want my DS to be an only child, and he loves DS as much as his own, he buys him gifts, picks him up from school, honestly treats him like his own son, looks after him when I'm at work, even though he's been up since 5am. Hes excellent with the both of us.


    If it was me I'd say "look. I was at the police station. If you don't believe me that's your issue. If you think I was cheating instead of at the police station and insist on continuing to throw tantrums then I suggest you grow the **** up and get some psychological help." But that's just me. No way I would put up with being treated like crap.

    Do you have your own income/means to support yourself?



    Honestly, this is his only downfall in our relationship, he cooks, his cleans, supports me when I need him to, listens to me when I need it, affectionate, and i know deep down he does love me, but there will always be that issue of trust, especially now that I've lied to him.

  14. #9
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    Sometimes we make rods for our own backs. ... but at the same time some men arnt who we think they are xox

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    I don't have any advice but like others I agree he has overreacted. I understand what it feels like to have trust issues with your partner (from my own relationship) and it can make it very hard, especially when the littlest thing can set you off. All I can suggest is that you get some counselling together so that you can work on ways to rebuild that trust. That's what we plan to do though we haven't gotten around to it yet. Otherwise, I know for us, our trust problems will keep coming up over & over again & might damage our relationship (more) iykwim.

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