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  1. #61
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    Its hard because you never want to sound boastful, but if someone outright asks you your income and you're not comfortable discussing it, its cool to say I rather not go there isn't it? Could be because you don't want them up in your bizzzness lol.
    I think ppl are always going to judge you, good and bad. I tend not to tell ppl a lot of things. I am a very private person because I know how judgemental and gossipy ppl can be. So why make your life ppls entertainment? I get why you might find it condescending for someone to hide their money etc fearless, but what if they just didnt want to maybe hurt your feelings or make you jealous. Not saying youre like that at all. but I know plenty of those types and its best to sometimes avoid saying youre going to get a new car next year or something

    Also I find a lot of very wealthy ppl never boast etc and you actually wouldn't know they had money. I love this and if I ever were as wealthy I would like to be the same. Its so refreshing. Really dislike it when ppl talk about how much money they make

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    Last edited by clucky_duck; 06-09-2013 at 23:33.

  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I always discuss holidays with friends. I have absolutely not one hint of an idea as to what their income is.
    I really struggle to believe that you don't have any idea what sort of income your friends receive. Surely most people know how much certain professions make? And if you have friends who go to Lake Como every year to their time share place, clearly they have more money than the family who say 'we're saving to go to Bali in 3 years' and if they go on fairly similar holidays to you, surely they are on a fairly similar wage?
    I think you can figure out most people's wages really easily either by what they do or how they spend their money. At least figure out what tax bracket they'd be in. I'm not saying I make a game out of it, just that I would find it odd if people never talked about money. Doesn't it become weird when everyone always skirts around the topic?

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  4. #63
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    I don't go out of my way it's just not a conversation I pursue. If I'm with friends of course we'll talk about holidays etc but I'm bot going to go on about those sorts of things in front if friends that have been living week to week with no spare funds. I don't think it's condescending I think it's being sensitive to people's situations. We don't even have big purchases or new things so it's not like we're managing our conversations or anything.
    [QUOTE=FearlessLeader;7433021][QUOTE=babyla;7432944]
    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    I don't see it that way, maybe because in my social circle we are all on a fairly even par, so we all know how much each other earns and how much our mortgages are, etc. It's just another topic of conversation. For eg, I was talking to a friend who has been head hunted who was telling me the money she has been offered is a fair bit more than what she's on now (she gave me dollar amounts) but the work is not as interesting. She is in a similar field to my DP, so I was telling her what he earned at that level. It would seem extremely unnatural to be coy about it in those sorts of situations. Just like if one of us buys a house, it's always disclosed what it was bought for.
    I'm quite surprised people still think talking about money is distasteful. Seems a bit quaint to me.

    But the knob at a party scenario I would find knobby because they were bragging loudly, not because they were talking about money. I've heard people name dropping loudly and thought 'god what a ******'; it's not the content of what they're saying but the wanky nature of it.

    And I don't get going out of your way to not discuss money with people who earn less than you- surely they would already have a fair idea of how much you earn? Do you also not tell them about any expensive purchases such as private schooling, a new car or an overseas holiday? I mean of course you wouldn't brag about these things, but if they asked what you're up to next summer, do you not tell them you're going to the south of France? I've struggled financially, I think I would have found it condescending if people went out of their way not to discuss money issues with me just because I was poor.

  5. #64
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    Babyla I think we're pretty much on the same page on this, I just disagree that the money talk is 'gross'. I just think any insensitive or braggy talk is gross. It would be gross to talk about how easy you fall pregnant or how much you hate pregnancy to someone struggling to conceive, and people would probably roll their eyes if you always went on and on about how wonderful a breeder you are. But there's nothing wrong with those topics, you just need to be sensitive and choose your audience.

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    I'm British so do not like talking about income at all!! having said that given where we live, our lifestyle and holidays, etc, its easy to work out that we do ok. Since we have had our son though, we have a lot less money, and so have to say no lots of things on the basis we can't afford it. We are upfront about this with our friends and I have no problem with that, nor do they. It has been an adjustment for us though, but we knew it would be the case.

    A couple of people have mentioned they hate it when wealthy people say words to the effect that they are proud of their achievements because they have worked hard. I don't get that. Them saying that does NOT mean they think other people don't work hard? They are talking about themselves. And I'm sure they did!

    Isn't that akin to someone saying something like "I'm so proud that I overcame my struggles to breastfeed as even though it was painful and hard, I knew it was the best thing for my baby" and then being told they were NOT allowed to say that as it means they are saying that bottle feeders are selfish and lazy, didn't try hard enough and care less about their kids?

    Sorry to use that particular analogy, but its constantly sprouted on here that you should be able to say what you're proud of without it negating the "other side". And I entirely agree with that! Just seems it doesn't extend to those hard working people who earn more than an average wage.

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  9. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Babyla I think we're pretty much on the same page on this, I just disagree that the money talk is 'gross'. I just think any insensitive or braggy talk is gross. It would be gross to talk about how easy you fall pregnant or how much you hate pregnancy to someone struggling to conceive, and people would probably roll their eyes if you always went on and on about how wonderful a breeder you are. But there's nothing wrong with those topics, you just need to be sensitive and choose your audience.
    I agree with you and gross was the wrong word. DS eye snot this morning is gross, not what I meant. Choosing your audience is it exactly, it's the braggy nature which gets my goat up not necessarily talking money. I have a mate who craps on about new purchases so much that I've become reluctant to call because its all the conversation is about, it's braggy and boring.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    I'm British so do not like talking about income at all!! having said that given where we live, our lifestyle and holidays, etc, its easy to work out that we do ok. Since we have had our son though, we have a lot less money, and so have to say no lots of things on the basis we can't afford it. We are upfront about this with our friends and I have no problem with that, nor do they. It has been an adjustment for us though, but we knew it would be the case.

    A couple of people have mentioned they hate it when wealthy people say words to the effect that they are proud of their achievements because they have worked hard. I don't get that. Them saying that does NOT mean they think other people don't work hard? They are talking about themselves. And I'm sure they did!

    Isn't that akin to someone saying something like "I'm so proud that I overcame my struggles to breastfeed as even though it was painful and hard, I knew it was the best thing for my baby" and then being told they were NOT allowed to say that as it means they are saying that bottle feeders are selfish and lazy, didn't try hard enough and care less about their kids?

    Sorry to use that particular analogy, but its constantly sprouted on here that you should be able to say what you're proud of without it negating the "other side". And I entirely agree with that! Just seems it doesn't extend to those hard working people who earn more than an average wage.
    Omg maybe that's it, my dads British as is all of my relatives on that side. Before mum met Dad she struggled as a single mum and I was definitely aware of money being a 'thing'. But after they were married it was like a shhhh thing, I remember getting told off for asking how much things cost etc.

    Hubby's father is wealthy, it's definitely a hush hush thing for him but he's not British and he hasn't always been affluent. Whereas MIL is very comfortable but always refers to how much things were, tries to get a bargain, says things are too expensive and it makes me cringe because in my family it's just something you don't do!

    As for the last part of your post I think it depends on the context. When someone says they bought a new house blah blah, I'm like yay for you! When they are in a thread talking about how hard they work, their tax dollars and what single mothers should or shouldn't do well I think that shows more of their character than they probably intend to. It's just not ok to me.

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  12. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    I really struggle to believe that you don't have any idea what sort of income your friends receive. Surely most people know how much certain professions make? And if you have friends who go to Lake Como every year to their time share place, clearly they have more money than the family who say 'we're saving to go to Bali in 3 years' and if they go on fairly similar holidays to you, surely they are on a fairly similar wage?
    I think you can figure out most people's wages really easily either by what they do or how they spend their money. At least figure out what tax bracket they'd be in. I'm not saying I make a game out of it, just that I would find it odd if people never talked about money. Doesn't it become weird when everyone always skirts around the topic?
    I have absolutely no clue. I just don't think that much into it.

    I do know approx my parents' income as a result of growing up with them and them being my personal bankers throughout my teens and they go overseas all the time, and not just the typical Thailand/Bali. They are extremely low income earners, which is one reason why I never know whether someone has a good income or is just extremely good with $$$.

    I do understand what you mean, and I would never hide things for fear of coming across as worse or better off than someone but I just don't think in terms of how much someone earns.

  13. #69
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    I'm with you Benji. I have no idea what sort of income any of my friends or family make. I have no idea what my parents make and I live with them.

  14. #70
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    Ana and Benji, do you really mean that were someone to ask you 'how much would a graduate engineer/ a middle manager in the public service/an unqualified childcare worker/a GP earn?' You wouldn't be able to even take a stab at what it might be? Or do you just mean that it's not something you think about?

    Btw Benji my MIL is the same, low income, fabulous holidays. I am jealous of her jetsetting ways.


 

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