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  1. #1
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    Default eeek! DH wants to announce pregnancy - but it's too early!

    DH's boss slipped in a meeting and asked him how our scan went, and now he's not sure who knows and who doesn't. Problem is, there are some people at his workplace that have mutual friends with DH's ex-wife.

    He's concerned that it's going to get back to his two boys before we are ready to tell them, so he's pushing to tell them we're pregnant but I'm terrified that something is going to happen in these next few weeks (9 weeks now) and we'll have to tell people there's no baby after all.

    My issue is that neither of the boys can keep a secret - particularly the oldest (autistic with intellectual disability) will blurt it out to everyone he sees before even saying hello to them! So effectively telling the boys is as good as announcing publicly.

    Having this happen has also brought up DH's frustrations about not being able to tell his family about doing IVF. I requested that he didn't say anything to them because one of his sisters is still friends with his ex-wife and doesn't think anything of sharing other people's information (which would trigger the above scenario). He wasn't happy about it, but he did what I asked. My parents and sister knew because we're currently living with my parents, so it was rather unavoidable.

    So now he's quite peeved (we've been emailing back and forth) and we're going to a cafe after work to talk about things (better privacy than home at the moment). I have no idea how to resolve this situation, so any words of advice would be greatly appreciated!

  2. #2
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    Hun I think things are too far gone now to play the privacy card. If you wanted privacy then your Dh's boss shouldn't have known about the pregnancy this early. I think you're going to have to tell your hubbys kids and just deal with it if anything bad happens (i really hope you have a safe and healthy pregnancy). As for the IVF i think its unfair to have your family in the loop and not your hubby's. you cant play the privacy card and only apply that to your hubbys family. I think the only thing to do at this point is to tell your hubby if he wants to tell his family about the IVF to do it. But ask that they keep it to themselves and hope for the best. Would it be the end of the world if his ex found out you were using IVF?

    Best of luck.

  3. #3
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    Thanks VicPark.

    I asked him not to say anything about the IVF to his family because at the time we had no idea how long it might take and I didn't want to constantly be asked how we were doing, or if I was pregnant yet. I also thought it would be far easier to tell his kids that I'm pregnant, rather than there's a possibility that I might become so - potentially years down the track if we had to keep trying, or not at all. Luckily we got pregnant on our first cycle, so that part of it isn't a concern any more.

    DH had to tell his boss to get time off to go to appointments with me, so that unfortunately couldn't be avoided. DH's ex-wife really isn't a concern of mine, I know she's going to harass him about not forgetting his children to her, making sure she still gets her full maintenance, etc - that's going to happen regardless of when she finds out.

    I'm just really not keen on announcing before 12 weeks, and DH wants to be sure the boys don't hear about it from anyone else. I have no idea where the middle ground is.

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    VicPark  (04-09-2013)

  5. #4
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    I'd let him tell his kids. He understands the risks at this early stage, but it's a bit unfair for you to share with your family, but not allowing him the same with his family. He's excited, & probably nervous I'd let him tell people, especially since your family know.

  6. #5
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    Just had a thought. Your hubby sounds like he lives his kids and doesn't want them to play second best. If you aren't keen on telling before 12 weeks perhaps you could plan something special for his kids? Suggest an outing to the zoo or something at 12 weeks? A special book or present? That way if they happen (by a small chance) to find out early off someone else, then your hubby can say he was waiting for their special weekend to tell them.

    Do your family know you are preggers?

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    #Mama  (04-09-2013)

  8. #6
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    Hoping you and your hubby can sort it out. I think it might be nice to let him tell his kids ASAP. He's probably so excited to be telling them there's a baby in their future.

    Privacy is important but if your family knows and his boss knows then I'd say his kids should probably know too.

    It would be a different story if no one knew- regardless of the reasons that they know.

    Good luck OP!

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    I think I'm probably going to have to give in on this one. Neither of us want to boys to feel that they're second best, I'm very keen for them to feel that this baby is an addition to our family, not a replacement.

    My mum, dad and sister know - they are sworn to secrecy and no one else in my family knows. My DH told his dad on Fathers Day, but he knows to keep it quiet too, his best friend also knows, so it's not like I've banned him from telling anyone.

    I just wish I was comfortable announcing before 12 weeks, but I'm not The boys will tell their mother straight away, and then she will tell all our mutual friends (no use in asking her not to, trust me), so if we want to have the joy of telling some of our friends we'll have to do so as soon as the boys know.


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  10. #8
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    You're game: I waited until 14 weeks before I told my parents! Couldn't stand the thought of their meddling!

    Good luck with the hubby chat.
    Last edited by VicPark; 04-09-2013 at 21:25.


 

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