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  1. #1
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    Default Family members at the birth?

    My mum asked me the other day if she could be at the hospital when I'm in labour. I didn't want to disappoint her by saying "no" outright, I just said that it could be in the middle of the night and the hospital might not let her wait around.

    My sister was quite young when she had her first baby (she was still living at home when she accidentally fell pregnant to her now husband) and both myself and mum were in the delivery room as well as her partner, and our dad was in the lounge area just outside. She called mum when her waters broke because her partner had been drinking and wasn't sober enough to drive to the hospital! When other family came to visit later that day my mum would take the baby and carry my niece to each person - ensuring she got more "cuddle time" than anyone else - even my sister.

    I think my mum envisions that she will be able to do the same sort of thing with the birth of my first baby, but truthfully this is an experience I want to share just with my DH. I'm 8 years older than my sister was with her first and have far more life experience. I'm married and have been living with my DH for years - I'm not the same scared little kid my sister was when she had her first (she was quite an immature 20 yr old checkout chick at the time). I don't feel that I'm going to need my mum, and I don't want her to hog the baby as soon as its born - but I don't know how to tell her this without breaking her heart

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    Mine is the oppose, DH and I wanted my mum in there with us for the delivery of our first bub but she didn't want to!
    She thinks its a special time for just me and DH.

  3. #3
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    Aw I had my mum at the birth. I asked her to stand in the corner of the room to the right of my head. So dh was by my side and she was there but not in our bubble. If your mums heart will nreak if u say no how about saying she can if she leaves everything to you and dh unless u ask her. My mum loved being there for the birth and I did too. She was in tears in her corner while I had ds on my chest. She stayed back until ds went to his table for ob to check him then she went closer. Was great and I hope I can do the same for my dd some day.

    If you really don't want her in the room how about saying the waiting room only and she will be called when she can come in. All you have to do is tell the nurses and they will make sure noone but who u say can come in

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    Melpon  (30-08-2013)

  5. #4
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    When my time comes it will be me & DH plus the needed medical staff.
    I don't want my mum in there, she's too emotional & will probably be an unneeded distraction when all ill want to do is focus!

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    as you have described it...you are more grown up and independent...to me, this means you need to own that with your mum.

    If you feel you want this time for you and your DH, then you need to sit down and tell your mum...like a grown up.

    Let her know that she will be your very first call once the 3 of you are ready for visitors and even that she can have the first cuddle (other than you and DH) but, you really want this time to be a special start to your new life as parents.

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    Bellaxo  (02-09-2013),GrabbyCrabby  (30-08-2013),Spotdog  (30-08-2013)

  8. #6
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    Some good ideas there ladies.

    I wouldn't necessarily mind her being there if she just stayed out of the way, but I know what she's like and she would want to be rubbing my back, holding my hand etc - when I feel that sort of thing is all DH's job and he's too polite to tell her to back off, so I think it would spoil his experience of the birth too. Like you Calstar, my mum is quite emotional and I'd have her crying if I said anything nasty to her when in the midst of contractions!

    I know it probably sounds quite vain, but I would like a chance to get cleaned up and looking somewhat decent before anyone comes to visit too. I hate the idea of looking awful in photos of my son/daughter's birthday.

  9. #7
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    Maybe tell her that the hospital only allows one support person? That way she isn't offended that you don't want her there if she will take over

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    I didn't want my mother in the delivery suite when I had DD1 but she just arrived while I was in labour. I was furious. I had said to her previously I just wanted DH and felt she should have respected that.

    The midwives handled it really well and quietly asked her to wait in the lounge as there was nothing happening and I needed to rest (which was true).

    I would personally find it really awkward having my mother present at such a personal time. I am close to her but it's my and dh's time, not hers, and she has come to respect that.

  12. #9
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    My mum wanted to be at the birth of my first child too. We had had issues so it wasn't too hard for me to tell her no. That didn't stop the constant whinging and moaning about wanting to be there though. I told her I'd tell her when into labour and she could up in visiting hours after bub was born. The only thing in my birth plan was that my mum was not allowed to be there during the labour.

  13. #10
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    If you don't think your mum will respect your wishes and stay away, don't tell her when you go into labour. Just let her know after you've had your baby.

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    Bubbles10  (30-08-2013)


 

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