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  1. #1
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    Default life is just unfair and at some point you just cant cope all the time!!!!

    first up, apologies for a rambling mess that this may turn into......
    im a 29 year old mother of 4 beautiful girls and I live in rural Victoria.....
    in a nutshell, the past 8 years have been really tough, I have had 4 beautiful kids, I have had 2 misscarriages, it has been not so easy to just fall pregnant, hubby and I have had issues getting along with his family and family farm, I was diagnosed with polycystic kidney disease (kept that one up the back with the denial) hubby had a health scare where we had 3 weeks thinking he had cancer, I have held my baby many times whilst she stopped breathing and a few times where she had a full seizure and I thought she had died, then my brother and his wife lost their 1 year old boy when he just didn't wake up, no explanations, he just died, I have now been sent off for more specialized care for my kidney disease as my kidney function is dropped to 60%, cant ignore that one anymore. but my biggest thing is hubby and I made the major decision to have another baby and had been trying for 6 months when we found out about my decreased kidney function... we have now been told there cant be anymore babies.. I am devastated, I get why we cant and I mostly can deal with it, but he is having the snip this week, so its final.. I know there are people that cant have kids at all and I should be grateful, but it breaks my heart. for the past 9 years I have been pregnant, having babies, ttc, recovering from babies etc, and its the only thing I have had within this lifetime. we are on a farm but I don't get along too well with the inlaws so I just don't find the happy spot within my life right now. and to top it all off, hubby doesn't get it, doesn't see what upsets me, doesn't see what concerns me healthwise, and has been brought up in his family with'if you don't mention it it will just go away'......... I just feel like im going out of my mind and cant catch a break...
    if you have read this
    thankyou.
    jess

  2. #2
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    *hugs* I can't offer much else but I couldn't read and run

  3. #3
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    Wow it sounds like you've been through so much, I'd be having a tough time too! I'm so sorry I have no advice, just wanted to send big hugs!

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    You've married a typical farmer (and his family). Just too busy running the farm to think about you and the family. I've got one of them too.
    Will he let you discuss your concerns with him or does he just ignore that there is a problem? If he won't even talk you may need to go to counselling so that he will listen, maybe once he is forced to listen you will get somewhere.
    And in relation to not having anymore kids that would be hard when you were trying to have one. Where do you have to go for tests? Hope you can get them done at home but I'd imagine that you'd have to travel.

  5. #5
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    Thanks for the reply's. I have been having counselling and I feel like I could sit and talk to her for the entire day not just an hour. Hubby does listen but that's it he doesn't offer advice or know what to say and he hasn't been really good at using his own initiative and offering a hug etc but I think that's cos he can handle me been angry at the world more than he could deal with a blubbering mess if he did pass off too much tlc. He works hard and is great with the kids and me really he just doesn't do emotional. Which does come between us given the past 8years have been like an emotional and hormonal storm...
    i have to fly to Melbourne for medical things as my local town doesn't offer good enough specialists. I think one of the things that makes it all really difficult is I don't have family to go to for support or help unless it was something urgent. And that's not because they wouldn't help or support me but because they are all still broken after the death of my nephew so I just couldn't bring myself to unload my problems on them..
    Its just so had to keep smiling,some days I want to curl up in a ball and hate the world whilst feeling sorry for myself. That way I wouldn't have to see or hear from the likes of my sister who is pregnant along with about 30 othe friends and family. Everyone likes to tell me about their pregnancies, baby perpetration etc etc and it makes me want to scream. I wish I could just for once have something work out exactly how we wanted it, but instead I feel like I'm trapped in a life that nick or myself have no control over


 

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