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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by missie_mack View Post
    I stay home to spend time with the kids, not to clean. If I was spending my time cleaning it would be far more advantageous financially to work more and employ a cleaner for that time. The amount of housework I do doesn't vary pending how many or few hours I am in paid employment, it is the same.
    This is me too. You are a stay at home MUM during they day. Not a full time cleaner. I do the normal stuff when I have the kids and dh takes the kids for a bit every now and then so I can do a thorough scrubbing. I never mow or anything and dh mostly does the rubbish and dogs.

  2. #52
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    I think it comes down to personal situation and what you and your partner are happy doing. I've got 9 month old twins and a 3 year old and currently am a SAHM. I do all the cooking, washing, food shopping, paying bills, tidying up. We have a cleaner once a fortnight. Dh does the dishes at night (stacking/unloading dishwasher and washing the other stuff), feeds the animals, does the rubbish and outdoor jobs. Also he takes over with the babies when he comes home so I can get time to put clean clothes away and finish prepping dinner/get kids dinners. He bathes all 3, dresses them and gives the babies their bottles and reads the 3 year old his stories while I tidy up the kitchen. It's a real team effort. My only issue is he leaves a mess whatever he goes! Sometimes I make a point about it, sometimes I just clean up after him...

  3. #53
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    I forgot to say he works out of the home 40-50 hours a week. I wouldn't be able to get everything done without his help. Oh and at night we take turns being on baby duty. Yes he has to go to work tired when it's his turn and it's a bad night but I have to deal with the cranky kids all day and keep my cool - so we agree fairs fair.

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithUnagi View Post

    By your logic, that would mean financial responsibilities would also fall on both adults as this would be part of the "equal distribution of household duties".
    No, that's not my logic. This discussion is about distribution of household chores and childcare. Not financial contribution.

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lillynix View Post
    No, that's not my logic. This discussion is about distribution of household chores and childcare. Not financial contribution.
    But how can financial contribution not come into it?

    When one, or both, parents are out of the house earning money to pay the bills for the house and the family, how can their contribution not be taken into consideration when it comes to the dividing up the rest of the household duties?

    It's not like they're out at the pub all day hanging with their mates, they're contributing to the household too - it's just they can't clean or do laundry from their workplace!

  6. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to OneWithUnagi For This Useful Post:

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  7. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithUnagi View Post
    But how can financial contribution not come into it?

    When one, or both, parents are out of the house earning money to pay the bills for the house and the family, how can their contribution not be taken into consideration when it comes to the dividing up the rest of the household duties?

    It's not like they're out at the pub all day hanging with their mates, they're contributing to the household too - it's just they can't clean or do laundry from their workplace!
    Just because my DH earns the big bucks, it does not negate his responsibility of keeping the house clean and tidy or neglecting his role of dad by taking on childcare duties when he is home.

    He is expected to contribute just as much, practically, around the house as me. I have taken years out of my paid working life to raise OUR children, this does not mean I am going to pick up more than my fair share of household duties. I'm a Mum, not a maid.

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  9. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lillynix View Post
    Just because my DH earns the big bucks, it does not negate his responsibility of keeping the house clean and tidy or neglecting his role of dad by taking on childcare duties when he is home.

    He is expected to contribute just as much, practically, around the house as me. I have taken years out of my paid working life to raise OUR children, this does not mean I am going to pick up more than my fair share of household duties. I'm a Mum, not a maid.
    My opinion is obviously different to yours which is a exactly why these things come down to each individual family, their circumstances, and what arrangements they're happy with!

    In saying that, this thread has inspired me, DF and I are going to have another chat tomorrow about the division of labour in this house

  10. #58
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    I work 3 days a week and dh works 5 days. Most nights he is home after the kids are in bed so I do most of the housework and child rearing. Dh does the cooking, vacuuming, some cleaning, yard work on weekends. He also does all his own ironing, i never iron anything! He is also responsible for managing the finances, paying bills etc. His job at work is much more stressful than mine and having the bulk of the financial responsibility can be emotionally draining so I don't begrudge him his relax and unwind time. For me I find physical stress from doing housework more manageable than emotional stress. Mind you I do get annoyed sometimes when dh is watching tv or on the computer rather than engaging with the kids. Overall though I think we have a good balance and dh will help out more when I ask. When ds was a newborn dh before going to work used to wake up at 5am to cook dinner for the day or would cook the night before so it was one less thing for me to do as I was struggling with 2 kids. He is great
    Last edited by Jontu; 27-08-2013 at 23:32.

  11. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithUnagi View Post
    But how can financial contribution not come into it?

    When one, or both, parents are out of the house earning money to pay the bills for the house and the family, how can their contribution not be taken into consideration when it comes to the dividing up the rest of the household duties?

    It's not like they're out at the pub all day hanging with their mates, they're contributing to the household too - it's just they can't clean or do laundry from their workplace!
    I think this is where things can really start to get unfair (and does when both partners are working full time). If both are doing paid work, earning the most they are capable of, working the same number of hours, but one can command a higher wage for their employment. If financial contribution is a major factor in division of household duties then the lower earner will end up doing more housework etc, despite the fact that they are earning as much as they can (albiet less).

    For the record I have worked a lot less hours than my DH for many years now but for at least the last 2 years have earnt more. He mows the lawns and sometimes takes the bins out - that's it. I hate the unfair division of labour but he is pursuing a lifelong dream and it will not be forever. In fact next year we should be having a role reversal with him being the SAHP - so I'll get my own back then. Mwahahaha (evil laugh...)

  12. #60
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    Well if my husband and I shared chores 50/50, then nothing would get done.

    He gets up at 4:30am and has not been getting home until 7:30/8pm after a long and very physical day. He has even been working some Saturdays. Now rather than my husband doing 50% of the chores on a Sunday, I'd rather spend it together, or send him out with the kids so he can spend some time with them after not seeing them all week and I can do some chores in peace.

    Everyday, I get to go to the gym, hang at the park with my friends while the kids play, come home and have lunch and put baby down for a nap, get as much housework done as possible before heading out again in the afternoon with the kids and catch up with more friends. Come home and cook dinner.

    Whilst I do think my husband could do more chores sometimes, I don't think it is fair to say he should be doing 50% when I am home. Especially when the kids are in daycare 2 days.
    Last edited by BigRedV; 28-08-2013 at 05:47.

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