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  1. #11
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    I think you have to do what works and what both parties work out together.

    In our relationship we view the SAHM part as taking care of my DS. It does not include housework. So my "job" is to take care of Astons needs and I also have a part time job where as my DH has a full time job.

    So anything to do with DS is like 80% me. I 95% of the time have his bags ready, get him up and ready and do breakfast in the morning as DH is already left for work. Bedtime is a joint effort.

    I also take care of the logistics of the family - budgeting, schedules, appointments etc.

    Housework is whoever can do it and works out about 50%. Cooking is whoever feels like it and the other takes care of DS. Clothes washing will just be whoever can get to it. Dishes is mainly me as I try to do it during the day. I mainly put toys away. DH does 100% of mowing and most outdoor stuff.

    DH does his own lunches and I do mine and DS or sometimes he does ours and vice versa.

    I do the ironing, dusting and bathrooms.

    We have a robot vacuum so not much of a task. I do grocery shopping.

    Also if one of us is down for any reason the other will pick up the slack.

    I think if one party is not happy with the arrangements there needs to be a discussion and both parties needs to work together to figure out what will work.

  2. #12
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    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    I was a sahm and now part time sahm and work three days a week and am 38wks preggars and our son is 9mths

    We live on 8 acres and hubby chippy. He works four days a week and studies one. He looks after outside.

    I look after inside, all chores, cleaning, shopping, bills etc. he will help out bringing washing in or hanging it out. And will put dishwasher on before bed.

    He is great with our son and does bed, feed bath etc most nights. He has starting helping overnight too on some nights so I can get some sleep.

    Next yr after new bub is a bit older I will be working full time and he will be at home. I assume he will do most things then but I will help more with groceries and cooking cleaning.

  3. #13
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    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    Whoops 28wks I am not 38

  4. #14
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    I'm a sahm with 3 kids one of those is in school full time and I'm 37weeks pregnant. Because my husband works big hrs 14hr days at least 5 days a week but usually weekends also I do all of the housework and cooking but we both help out with the kiddies. He also doesn't care if the housework doesn't get done or if we have a simple dinner one night as I'm truly stuffed.

  5. #15
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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    I'm a SAHM and I do the majority of the house stuff, but then dh is gone 7-6.30 m-f. In the evenings he helps clean up after dinner, baths the girls and does story time. On weekends he does some cooking and baking, and will do the groceries, washing & ironing if I haven't got to it. If be stuffed if he didn't help out, I have pnd too and it really knocks your energy about!

    Maybe you can tell him you're feeling stretched and ask what jobs he would like to take on? Or if you prioritise your chores, see if you can ******line things so you have a bit more free time. Cook extra and freeze dinners, try to re-wear clothes that aren't really needing a wash to cut down on the washing pile, alternate the vacuum and bathrooms so you do a thorough clean one week, a quick once-over the next.

    How old is bub now? Maybe you can look at joining a Playgroup, talk to your mchn and see if there are any pnd support groups in your area, I found a support Playgroup and it got me through some tough times. I totally understand the mundane thing but if you're not feeling well it's hard to get out there and make things happen. One step at a time

  6. #16
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    Overall 50/50 and I also have a cleaner once a week.

    My DH is very self sufficient and also very hands on with our DS. Most of the daily jobs aren't assigned to either one of us in particular, if something needs doing one of us just does it, I rarely have to ask him to do anything, if he sees washing on the line, he'll bring it in, if he sees bottles need going in the steriliser he'll put the bottles on, if the dishwasher needs unstacking, he'll unstack it etc, I am always tidying and pottering throughout the day though as I am such a neat freak so the house is rarely a big mess. And even as DS's main caregiver when DH is at home he pretty much takes over with him, bath, feeds, story and so on as he wants to spend every second with him when he isn't at work. Most days I'll cook dinner before he gets home but if I've been out all day or just couldn't be bothered its no big deal, we just work it out when he gets home, egg on toast or DH will whip something up - he is a better chef than me also.

    So really we just go with flow and things get done, domestic duties and childcare are not a point of contention between us. Team effort!

    ETA: Oops, in answer to your question, like PP said I think its "fair" until one party feels resentment towards the other person because there is an imbalance of contribution towards the household. Otherwise, each family is different and it comes down to what suits your circumstances best.
    Last edited by Addicted to Love; 27-08-2013 at 13:50.

  7. #17
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    I WISH as a SAHM all we had to do was things with and for the children. That includes cooking for them, cleaning up after them, taking them to activities, basically anything that has to do with the kids. I WISH household duties could be shared 50/50 with the 'bread winner', but there is a certain stigma that comes with a SAHM unfortunately, we basically do everthing because....we dont have a job that provides an income. The person who works shouldnt have to come home to clean up when SAHM is.... well....."at home all day to do it".

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  9. #18
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    "Woman's job" my backside!

    Our household is one of the rare ones, out household chores (both in and outside of the house) are pretty evenly split 50/50. I am a SAHM but I also study by distance. DH is a shift worker and can work up to 60 hours a week. But, the children and the house are OUR responsibility, so the work is distributed equally.

    That's not to say that DH will always just get up and do stuff, I usually have to tell him what needs to be done, if it's not something obvious like the dishes, as after all these years, he's still pretty terrible and seeing things and going 'oh, that needs to be done'. But if I ask him to do something, he will do it. No matter what. We share all the cooking, the cleaning, the yard work and the care of the children (bathing, putting to bed etc).

    I very well may be home all day whilst he's in the office, but that doesn't mean that I should do more of the household tasks. This is not the 1950's and just because I spend more hours at home, doesn't automatically make it more my responsibility.

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  11. #19
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    I do not think it is at all fair for housework to be one persons responsibility. I work 15-25 hours a week and DH works at least 48 hours and we share chores.

    Me:
    Vacuum
    Make beds
    Cook
    Mop
    Washing- hanging out, bringing in, folding and putting away
    Tidying up, picking up after kids
    Dusting, polishing furniture
    Cleaning bedrooms

    DH:
    Cleans bathroom and toilet
    Washes dishes and cleans kitchen of a night
    Takes rubbish out
    Outside jobs
    Whatever else I ask

    I really appreciate what DH does around the house and it helps our relationship immensely

  12. #20
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    Well I think it depends on your family. Personally I don't and wouldn't do yard work, maybe it's old school or maybe it's just that I don't think I can physically do the yard work but its DH's job. Just like I wouldn't expect him to go do the groceries or pick gifts for friends children... From what you've mentioned it sounds like its not so much the work but the routine and lack of contact with others. I felt that way at the beginning, I didn't have any local friends and my "work friends" quickly faded in the background as the weeks went by. I was getting really down and craving that contact so I joined mothers groups and ultimately made my own on Facebook for local mums, it was a great effort for me as I'm not outgoing but I'm so glad I did because now I have a little group of friends that I see at least once a week. Aim to get out the house at least every other day, it's an effort but well worth it. Libraries and parks are great for meeting other mums.
    As for the work load you should tell your DH that maybe outside work is his and maybe make a day when you both go out there and get it done so he doesn't have to think when he has to do it


 

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