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  1. #1
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    Default SAHM duties- what do you think is fair

    I'd like to know what you think is fair when it comes to being a sahm and household chores. I feel like I do absolutely everything and everyday seems exactly the same :-( I work from home a couple of nights a week (hairdressing) and also go to gym and pilates 3 nights a week but I hate my daytime life being so mundane! Sure hubby helps when I ask him to but a lot of the time I do everything!! Even outside work which has always been his job. My only outlet (when I get time) is to get on bh. Where as if he has time when bubs is asleep he doesn't think of jobs that need to be done. I hope I don't sound like a sadsack!! I just would like to know what other mummys are going through? And if maybe I need to just suck it up as its a woman's job?? I'm a first time mum and didnt go to mothers group due to pnd so unsure of who to speak to.
    Tia :-)

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    I'm not a SAHM but I'm home two days a week as work three days.

    DH works much longer hours than me so we don't feel like a 50/50 split is fair so I tend to do a bit more. I do all the weekday cooking but he does most of it at the weekend.

    We have a fortnightly cleaner. He does jobs like taking out rubbish and recycling, and usually he will do the supermarket as long as I do a list for him.

    Even when I was home full time in mat leave I didn't do 100% of the domestic stuff. Just wouldn't work for us! It's not like I did it all before so wasn't about to start doing it just because I was on mat leave.

    On my two days off work I do feel guilty if I don't have dinner prepped and ready for when he gets home. But to his credit, he wouldn't actually care.

  3. #3
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    I do pretty much everything except he helps bath the kids while I clean up after dinner. And he does some child minding while I do stuff with friends etc (I do far more childminding while he socialises though- not including his work hours).

    I don't think its fair and its a constant source of conflict. And when I say its not fair, its not fair on me because I am exhausted, and its REALLY not fair on my kids because the older ones help out heaps (which I think is great but not fair when he doesn't), and the younger ones miss out on a lot of attention coz I'm cleaning etc.

    I have no solution though, he absolutely refuses to budge.

  4. #4
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    We both work from home so I feel like the housework should be 50/50, and it sort of is.

    I tend to the baby 95% of the time, and do the daily cooking and tidying up etc., and he doesn't do much on the day to day, but will do the jobs I hate like vacuuming, mowing, cleaning toilets etc.

    I would rather he help out more on the daily chores though, because once I've sorted the baby and cooked the meals and cleaned up afterwards, it doesn't really leave me with much time for work, let alone free time.

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    I really dislike the idea of housework being one person's job. I'm trying my best to teach my DS to clean up after himself and that we all contribute to mess/eating in this household so we all contribute to the tidying up and cooking. How on earth do we teach that to our children if one adult member of the household gets a free pass simply because he or she is employed in a different sort of job?

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    Fair is what you are happy/comfortable doing without resenting your partner.

    I'm a SAHM so I do majority of housework, but on weekends df will get in and do a big clean. He normally does this while I have a sleep in so it sets the house up for the week.

    He also takes care of outside stuff as I'm hopeless with that.

    That's our balance and that's what works for us.

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    I think that sounds pretty normal op. each family has their own way things work best & a lot of it is trial & error until you find a routine that works for all of you best. My dh would help out after work like he did when we both worked. The difference was he did the bath bed routine while I cleaned up after dinner & we shared the cooking as he loves to cook as well. I took all the night duties as I felt its important for him to sleep on work nights. Weekends he's hands on, because he wants to be. All the daily duties washing, cleaning, shopping, bills, I do.

    I will say being a sahm is isolating at times & yes some days I'm so bored & it's repetitive & tedious I count down the hours til dh is home for some adult talk!

  9. #8
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    I am a full time SAHM. My DH works 8.30-5.30 M-F.

    I do all of the washing, tidying up, making beds, cleaning etc during the week. DH comes home from work and will bath the kids if its not already done and he will do the dishes every night (just the big things, the rest go in the dishwasher). If the place needs a general tidy, ie: pick up of toys etc, DH will do that while I put the kids to bed or vice versa.

    On weekends DH does the grocery shopping. He cooks every Sat and Sun night. He will often do the vacuuming if it needs doing or put a load of washing on/ hang it out.

    Probably the only things he doesn't do is clean the bathrooms or fold the washing.

    Thankfully he doesn't see it as his work day as ending as soon as he walks in the door. He also realises that staying home with kids isn't a walk in the park (in fact I recently went away overnight and he stayed home with the kids for 2 days/1 night and when I got home he suggested we get a cleaner because in his words 'it's bloody impossible to get anything done when you've got the kids hanging around').

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    I think it depends on how many kids you have, their ages and how 'easy' they are to manage. When I was at home on mat leave my boy was pretty easy and slept well. So most days I tried to have the place tidy, dinner cooked, washing done etc. I think it was fair that I 'worked' while my hubby 'worked' so we could have equal free time in the evenings. Yeah it was mundane but that's part of staying at home, if you want spice then perhaps work a few days a week or get a hobby.

    For me it comes down to each parent having 'equal' free time in a day. So from the moment hubby got home from work any remaining household chores/free time was split 50-50. If I had an odd bad day with bub and the place was a mess and dinner wasn't cooked hubby would chip in. Because he trusts me and knows I'm not lazy so if things weren't done it was because it was one of those days.

    If I had a toddler to look after I think it would be a little different. Toddlers are more work and I can see I would get less done around the house during the day. Hubby would just chip in more at night.The 50-50 free time rule would still be in play.
    Last edited by VicPark; 27-08-2013 at 11:43.

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  12. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I really dislike the idea of housework being one person's job. I'm trying my best to teach my DS to clean up after himself and that we all contribute to mess/eating in this household so we all contribute to the tidying up and cooking. How on earth do we teach that to our children if one adult member of the household gets a free pass simply because he or she is employed in a different sort of job?
    Yeah the bolded part is what I keep telling my kids- we all eat off the plates, we all make mess, we all use the living space and we all have a shared responsibility to maintain its cleanliness etc.


 

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