I am 25 years old and a stay at home mum of a 2 year old girl and 4 month old boy. I have been married almost 3 years and I really do love my husband and my kids.
My husband is working 3 jobs at the moment to give me my dream to stay at home with the kids. He is barely home. But every time he leaves for work, or sits down to play on his computer, or anything really, I find myself resenting him. I feel like I am working 24/7 with looking after the kids, cleaning the house, washing and ironing, plus I make candles which I sell for extra money. I feel like I have NO time to myself and whenever he leaves for work or does something fun for himself while I am stuck looking after the kids, I just hate on him so much! I feel bad because he says goodbye when he heads off for work and I get cranky with him. He is tired from working so much, I am tired and stressed because I feel like a single mother (not that he helps when he's home anyway!).
I know my feelings are not "normal" and are really unfair towards him. I know I have had a history with depression, but I don't know what to do. We only have one car which he takes to work, he's hardly home so I can't go see a psychologist or see anyone. I am not a social person and I don't want to go to playgroups. I have separation anxiety from my kids and don't want to leave them, but at the same time I would just love a day off to do nothing! The thought of leaving them makes me feel like a terrible mother and like I am abandoning them! But I find myself getting angry at them so easily now, and I don't want to be that kind of mother!
Does anyone else feel like this? How did you get through it? I feel so helpless and alone.