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  1. #1
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    Angry Maybe single parent?

    Hi,

    I joined up to the forum for some advice and support.

    I'm 28 & married with three children, 6,5 & 3.

    My husband and I have been together for 8& 1/2 years...
    some good and bad times.

    most recently things have been very bad. At the beginning of the year he began to threaten me, I found out he was talking to other girls (much younger) online, he receives private texts ad wouldn't tell me who it was.
    His threats were that he was going to push me down the stairs and to the worst one of 'I'm going to kill you' all said I front of our kids.
    long story short, he didnt threaten me again until 3 weeks ago. Things had been good as he really tried.
    but yelling and abuse has been coming back and I am so tired of it.
    I found out two days ago that he has gone and got a high interest loan, 30% for bad credit so he can buy this stupid car. It's got problems and people have warned him but he's spoilt and gets what he wants no matter what.

    At tax time we agreed we would save our money and go on a holiday to melbourne with our kids. I booked the airfares and he went and bought two project cars with his money. $1700 for two cars that just sit there coz he doesn't know anything about them. (Childish & selfish)
    This is so unfair or am I just unreasonable like he tells me?
    he does things behind my back and I don't believe we have a marriage.

    we are currently separated due to this and I don't know what to do.

    im scared of being a single mum!!!
    i feel like I've lost myself and don't know where I should be. I have no support my parents don't live in the same state.

  2. #2
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    Hi OP - if the only reason you are staying us because you are scared of being a single Mum, to me that's not really a good enough reason. What exactly are you scared of? That may help us give you advice. Financial security? Or what is it specifically that frightens you?

    I'm sure it's very tough being in that situation, there's plenty of awesome, amazing single mums here who can be very supportive

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    HugsBunny  (23-08-2013)

  4. #3
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    I agree with Fleetwood, what exactly are you afraid of? He sounds very selfish :-/

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    HugsBunny  (23-08-2013)

  6. #4
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    Oh what a selfish twit. Don't fear, find the part of you that is untouched by his crap, feel how strong you are, believe in yourself and know you can do anything! Life sounds tough for you as it is ATM, you are being FAR from unreasonable! (I had those doubts too, is it just me.. Etc). Look at what you wrote, if your friend told you this what would you tell her? If a man is going to throw threats like that to his wife and mother of his children, in front of his children (!!) he deserves neither. No excuse for that... Period. Well, maybe Tourette's. the process is not easy, but find your inner strength and believe it, follow your gut. Best of luck xx

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    HugsBunny  (23-08-2013)

  8. #5
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    Being a single mum will empower you. You deserve much better and I'm sure you will make a great single mum x

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    HugsBunny  (23-08-2013)

  10. #6
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    You and your children deserve better- much better. It is a basic human right to live a life free from violence. Threats and intimidation are violence and he is acting this way in front of your children. Make a plan and get your children safely out of harms way. One way flights out of Tasmania can be pretty cheap. Call the Domestic Violence helpline for advice. For him to change he is going to have to work hard on himself and given that he says you are being unreasonable, his change may never come. He is by no means a good dad if he is scaring your children's mum. Let him sit with his project cars whilst you go and create the best possible life for your little one's. You deserve better. Being a single parent is not easy but it's definitely easier than living a life of fear.

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    HugsBunny  (23-08-2013)

  12. #7
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    I understand you being scared of being single but I would be more scared of what he is capable of, not only the threats of violence which in itself are bad enough but the fact he is so irresponsible with money & clearly not thinking about your future. It is tough but you & your children deserve to be happy & safe.

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    HugsBunny  (23-08-2013)

  14. #8
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    What a great response!
    i already left the state at the start of the year but wot do that again.
    my kids are happy at school and have routine.
    i am happy to stay where I am.

    I think it's being scared of being on my own, finding love again and not having him there to share the load. He is a good worker and helps around the house. I am strong and sure I could do it by myself.
    I sat down to try sort things out but he just doesn't want my opinions and thoughts (so he can do what he wants) financially... He changed the bank password so now I have no access to money. He transfers some for bills and that's all I have.
    im constantly crying, like I am now in my bedroom.
    Mum holding on to hope that he won't get this stupid car loan, we have other dreams like building a house but he is unrealistic.

  15. #9
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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
    Question those who don't question authority
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    I was really scared before splitting with my ex, I too had 3 children. It was difficult, but was the best decision, living in fear is not only terribly bad for you, but for your children also. And you DESERVE to be happy, you do not deserve to live with someone who does not respect, love and value you. This guy sounds very scary, and I'm really sorry you are in this situation.Please get some support from friends and family to enable you to go to a safe place with your children.There is a book which might be very helpful to you, it is called "Why does he do that?" It explains in great detail the dynamics of an abuser, their patterns, the cycles of abusiveness, then a period of relative harmony, escalating to abuse again etc. It really helps you to be able to recognise what is going on, it's very empowering.Take care. I hope you find a way out of this.


 

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