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  1. #1
    Zombie_eyes's Avatar
    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    Default Spin off; how do you teach your children gratitude

    ??

    So my kids dont really want for much, they dont get things all the time but i do surprise them with a wii game or something every now and then or a dvd or something.

    When i do these things they thank me about 10 times and the little one says "im so lucky mum!!" Etc which is nice and cute etc


    But then when they see something they want, there is a sense of entitlement there... And a bit of attitude when the answer is no. Or even if we have an outing, if the day is not 100% about entertaining them. There is lots of whinging and whining and "i want to go home" and general sulking, moping, wrecking the day etc


    Is this regular kid stuff or is this bratty? It angers me a bit

    In comparison to my upbringing and dh's upbringing they are spoilt, And he thinks this is why they are ungrateful and considers them 'bratty'

    What do you do to teach your kids gratitude?

    I'd like to implement chores for pocket money so they can save for what they want but it gets out of hand and they start expecting something every time they do anything around here, i dont really think they should get paid for doing stuff that they should be doing anyway because if the time comes where i cant afford to give them pocket money they will flip (changed outcomes and autism dont mix well)

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    Ellewood  (19-08-2013)

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    Sorry I have no advice but we're going through the EXACT same things here and it makes me angry too.

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    My little one is only 3 but similar to what you've described. She is very thankful when given anything I always have taught her to say thankyou. But when she wants something or isn't given what she wants there is a lot of attitude which I can contribute a lot of that to her age!

    I think the chores things a good idea and something id like to do when dd is older.
    Compared to when I was a child she is so spoilt I just dont want her thinking she's entitled to everything she sees and wants.

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    Same thing here I'm afraid. Infact my kids got a lecture yesterday about showing me respect. They're generally well-mannered kids IMO and I am pretty strict on them in regards to all things re. manners, but there is still definitely things I'm totally unimpressed with.

    I've actually had this conversation with my mum, because as far as I can see I parent pretty similar to how she did with me, yet I would never DREAM of for eg. sitting at the dinner table pushing my dinner away and whining "ohhh mum, I hate this dinner, I don't wanna eat it".
    And I'm pretty sure that in 'those days' not many kids would have done that, or talked back, or interrupted a conversation, or whined because mum only had enough cash for one lolly after swimming instead of two... etc etc. So I always wonder what on earth is different now.

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    Zombie, i know from past posts of yours there are big differences between autism & aspies, but my daughter was exactly the same as you described, until we implemented chores. We had tried lots of other ways to positively enforce gratitude but it still always ended with sense of entitlement/bratty tantrums when out.

    DD now has a weekly list of chores - some she has to do without payment (make her bed, pick up her toys, set the table for dinner) and others that she can chose to do if she wants to earn money. I made a series of magnets displaying a chore and a price (empty dishwasher $1, tidy the lounge $1, fold the tea towels, $1, take out the recycling $0.50, etc). It has been working for us for the past year. She now has a better understanding of money value and appreciation of spending it on an item. She recently bought herself a Barbie sewing machine with her earnings, and proudly tells all that she bought it with her own money. When out shopping, we no longer get tantrums and demands as she is gently reminded that while we may surprise her with gifts, it is up to her to work and save for anything extra that she wants.

    It sounds harsh for someone whos only 5, but its the only method that has worked for her.

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    TimeForWine  (19-08-2013),VicPark  (19-08-2013)

  8. #6
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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    I think it's pretty normal behaviour TBH. My son thinks that you just go to a bank when you need money (ha! if only it was that easy), so it kind of puts their thought processes into perspective.

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    TimeForWine  (19-08-2013)

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    I just don't know, seems so hard! My oldest DD is 8 & usually pretty good.

    I don't buy her toys throughout the year, she gets toys for Christmas & birthdays. I do spoil her with clothes, shoes & hair stuff though. I also like to give her tuckshop once a week & ice block money on tuckshop days (3 times), she has gotten into the habit of either a lolly or ice block after netball as well.

    She gets pocket money & a $5 bonus if she keeps her room clean for the week without reminding, she is yet to receive the extra $5!!

    I get huge hugs & thank yous for her treats, yet I still don't think she is genuinely grateful. She is very 'me' orientated & will not help me without being asked, I find this so frustrating!

    If she doesn't get ice block money/tuckshop/treats she doesn't crack it or anything, but she does have an expectation to receive these things, does that make her bratty?

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    I think it is reasonably normal.

    My DS is very grateful for things he has...but, it does not stop him wanting things.

    The diff between when we were young and now...is just HOW MUCH stuff there is...the spin off toys, movies, games...stuff for everything!! The advertising, the amount of stuff their friends have etc etc it is simply overwhelming. The internet feeds them information, websites with banner ads etc etc. Kids and parents are reeling with how to deal with it all. Kids are drowned with ad's and trademarks and brand labels from the moment they can see...let alone those that watch commercial TV...the liken media advertising to the grooming of peod's.

    Then...these kids who have been drowned in advertising get told not to want the things that advertising has trained them to want. The ad's tell them to pester mum and dad, they tell them they are not complete unless they have them.

    DS gets jealous of his best friend...his mum buys him so much stuff! Every toy that comes out in relation to anything he likes. He then tells DS about it. His friend gets $20 a week pocket money, his friend gets to watch any tv/movie he wants (regardless of ratings) etc etc

    DS loves me, says I am the best mum in the world. However, a few weeks ago he said that he wished he could merge me and his best mates mum into 1...all my characteristics combined with his best mates love of buying stuff...to create the best parent in the world.

    He understands that even if i was loaded I would not fill my house with plastic crap...he hates that lol He is gradually learning that time is worth more...but, he is a kid.

    Recently he lost his ****e because he has never used the school canteen...after consulting my fb friends I realised he was the ONLY kid who had not used the canteen lol so now he gets $2 a week canteen money in return for bringing in the garbage bins each week and sorting the socks. He earns it.

    I give him more and more responsibility and I extend what he can get...he has to make choices on things he wants though...and I think making them choose is the way forward. He can chose an outing or a thing...9/10 he choses the outing.

    Give them time and give them patience and give them understanding.

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  13. #9
    Zombie_eyes's Avatar
    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    Thanks guys!

    Sounds like its not too bad.

    Im gonna do the chores thing for sure and see how it goes.

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    steel magnolia  (19-08-2013)

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    I am reading this thread with great interest as I reckon some kids these days are just soooo spoilt!!! (Some, not all)

    Maaan - do I sound like an old biddy or what??!!!!

    An example: A woman I know has to buy her son a matchbox car everytime they go supermarket shopping as a bribe to ensure he behaves. Cool - if you want to do that. It's your kid and you can do what you like but it seems to me that you should not have to bribe a kid to be well behaved every single time you go supermarket shopping.....

    Once in a while - sure, but every time?

    You should see how many of the damn cars they have at their house!!! (I just hate them because they really hurt when I step on them when at their place.)


 

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