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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amiedoll View Post
    I'm a housewife and stay at home mum so I see most of those things as my domain (and I have zero problems keeping our family running smoothly).
    I find it interesting though, men have gender roles too. How many of us know how much petrol there is in the lawn mower? or how much cord the whipper snipper has? My husband doesn't complain at me for not maintaining the lawn or car things
    We share the workload and I certainly have mowed the lawn, maintained the car etc. DH has done more of the outside tasks in recent months mainly because Im breastfeeding so it just means he can get it done in one go without having to stop to feed the baby and be covered in oil, but I will go back to doing it. I like to know how to do things anyway so if I didnt know how to do something Id want to learn

    In response to the main point of the article weve taken turns being the SAHP so whoever is at home does most of that type of work otherwise we share

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  3. #42
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    My Mil is a germ freak! She raised her 4 kids to be totally anal. She studied and worked full time, had an awesome career and her house always was/ still is spotless.

    So DP works fulltime and I am a SAHM he expects me to do everything! If I go a day without cleaning to go shopping or whatever I am and i quote a 'houso'. He goes on a cleaning spree and he has a temper so alot of colourful words come out of his mouth in the process of it all. It does my head in and I always remind him that I will never be like his mother no matter how hard he tries.

    As for mowing and car stuff, he enjoys doing the 'man' jobs. That's fine with me. I could do them if I had to...

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  4. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    I think people are completely missing the point of the article. It's not about men who don't do their share, or who are deliberately useless at stuff. It's about how the realities of one parent being at home for a period (essentially the mother) means she slowly becomes the 'CEO of the household'
    DP gets so frustrated that he forgets house stuff all the time. He offers to cook 2 or 3 times a week, but I meal plan and do the weekly shopping as it's easier and cheaper to do it that way, so I mostly decide it's easier for me to cook every night.
    I know who needs what medicine because I am the one who takes them to the Doctors. I know what lightbulb we need because I do the shopping, so I check. I keep a keen eye on the clock to know when to leave an outing before the kids get too ratty because I do it 7 days a week, not 2. That sort of thing.
    I got really upset at DP the other week because we missed DD's nap time by an hour, because I wasn't thinking about it. But because I was around, he hadn't even thought to keep an eye on the time.
    Anyway. Partners who slack off isn't what I was talking about. But as usual someone drags it into 'y/our men are useless free loaders.' territory. I thought we could have a more nuanced discussion about how perfectly capable, present and enthusiastic men become 2ICs in their family, and how couples who have every intention of sharing the load, who both believe in equality, end up slipping into traditional gender roles.
    I see now what you mean People have been deferring to me when it comes to baby stuff since she was born. DH is very involved, especially with DDs Physio, but I'm the primary caregiver so everything becomes ask mum As I said we are traditional, and we don't mind the gender role playing, but I make sure DH is included in the decision making and scheduling. In that regard we share the CEO role, it's important to me that we do (after all it's our family).

  5. #44
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    I would definitely say I am the CEO of the family.

    And honestly it works for us. I don't think my DH doesn't remember things on purpose or does it to make me resent him. I honestly feel that is how he is. We all our have our positives and negatives and I think we should play on our strengths. If I put my DH in charge of schedules we would have no idea what we are doing on the weekend.

    We work as a team but in every team in business, sports etc there has to be a leader. The tasks are shared and one or the other picks up the slack if needed but I am the one who organises the tasks.

  6. #45
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    I am
    The CEO as I am home.

    Don't know too many CEOs that can do their job when they're only at work 1or 2 days a week.

  7. #46
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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Yes we have the same thing here (and we are two females!). I know that it happens partly because I just find it easier to do it my way because I know my way works. I also know when we have bub I need to let dp find her own way with some things.

    Some examples:

    - we both work full time (at the moment) but I almost always cook dinner, because dp is such a messy cook and because whoever cooks doesn't clean the kitchen, it means even if she cooks I have a nightmare kitchen to clean afterwards. She is happy to cook, and cooks great food, but it's easier for me to do it (for me).

    - I write the shopping list. We shop together, or I shop alone because if I write a list she either doesn't check prices of things like I do, or buys the wrong brand. Not her fault, as I could write "1.25L yellow coloured earth choice dish washing liquid" but I can't be farked, so I write "dish washing liquid" and we go together.

    - I do the washing. Why? Because once again I have my preferred settings for certain clothes and it's way easier to do it myself than say "can you put a load of washing on, on the Eco cotton setting but increase the spin, and only use half the amount of softener" etc. She hangs it out instead.

    Although when I'm finished work I do intend on writing up this stuff for her, because 1) she should know how to do it and 2) I need to relinquish a bit of control and she will catch on quickly enough.

    Gosh I can't even remember if I addressed the OP now.

    In short - we are both equally to blame but also, I quite enjoy pottering etc and she doesn't. So it makes more sense (at least it will when I'm home) that I would do the majority of it.

  8. #47
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    I am most definitely the CEO of my family & it gives me the sh1ts but I've learned to accept it. DH is also very hands on & we share all responsibilities but if I didn't enrol DS1 into kindy it wouldn't have happened - or DH would have started to think about it in January next year! He doesn't have to worry about it because he knows I'm all over it, but I know he's perfectly capable of doing it all if he had to.

    I think there is more to it then just the fact that the mother is the primary caregiver in the early years. Even if the mother returns to full time paid work she is more likely to be in a female dominated industry with less pay so she will be the one to take carers leave when her child is sick etc. It's all a vicious cycle really.

    Someone has to be CEO, just a shame it doesn't have the perks & remuneration of an actual CEO role!

  9. #48
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    I am the ceo in our and I like it that way most of the time.

    Today however i was a little annoyed that dd was pleading for me to take her to her art lesson when i wanted to rest at home because was feeling under the weather.

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    I'm very lucky hubby does everything around the house and for our 2 sons 29 months and 15 months.
    I'm now back at work full time we bought a small business and he does school runs etc

  11. #50
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    I honestly don't know how to get past it, as it's a problem in our house as well, particularly now that we have two children, he works ft and I work pt.

    I feel I have to micromanage everything, and he wonders why I'm stressed. It's because I'm always planning the day, balancing my work, the kids, the house, and keeping it running smoothly.

    I've tried being casual, but everything gets chaotic, we spend more money on takeaway, the kids go to bed later etc.

    It's much easier for him. He swans off to work, comes home, hangs out with the kids, and then watches tv and goes to bed. He doesn't really concern himself with logistics.


 

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