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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amiedoll View Post
    I'm a housewife and stay at home mum so I see most of those things as my domain (and I have zero problems keeping our family running smoothly).
    I find it interesting though, men have gender roles too. How many of us know how much petrol there is in the lawn mower? or how much cord the whipper snipper has? My husband doesn't complain at me for not maintaining the lawn or car things


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    I don't see DS as a gender role, it's a shared parenting role.

    There are things I don't do and things DH doesn't do but DS is shared. I understand this is not how all families work too and that's fine, and to be fair to DH he is really awesome, it's just funny how he overlooks things that I don't, it's not really a criticism of him, just an observation of how we do things differently.

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  3. #12
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    My DH has only mowed the lawn since we moved into this house. Before that everything inside and out was me or me organising a tradie. He does work long hours but I earn more.

    I don't think it just comes down to allocation of tasks though. Like the article was saying its the home CEO role that mostly falls on the woman. DH has taken DD to dance class before and her concert, but he couldn't tell you the name of the dance school, the classes she does or even the days/times she goes. He wouldn't know when bills are due, where to look up our baby's vaccination schedule or that DD gets something extra in her lunch box every second Thursday when they do sport. I feel the responsibility of all this on my shoulders. You can hire cleaners, send ironing out etc but someone has to run it all.

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    Interestingly my DH is very "domesticated" for want of a better word. He does the majority of the cooking and is responsible for all our bills and finances despite us both working full time pre-baby. I do more house work but I'm ob maternity leave s I expect that.

    He thinks I take over too much with our baby too.

    He still does most of the male gender roles like the gardening and car maintenance, thismorning he's painting the shed.

    He was raised by a single mum with a severe mental illness so I do think this has shaped the way he is in regards to home life.

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    Sorry that was way off topic just skimmed through and read the gender role comments

  7. #15
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    I think some of you may enjoy the book "Why does he do that?" Lundy Bancroft.

  8. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by AM View Post
    I think some of you may enjoy the book "Why does he do that?" Lundy Bancroft.
    Thanks AM, I'll check that out.

    ETA: just did and not relevant to my situation.

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    I consider myself very lucky now. My exh did nothing but work. He refused to care for our children, resented doing housework and paying bills and literally wanted to go to work then come home and tjat would be the end of it for him. He has told me he wants a woman to care for him.
    My current partner works outside the house, but also cooks, cleans, does outside work and looks after my kids including feeding them, giving meds and the ever joyful, headlice checks. He was raised by a single mother and is the eldest child so he know how to look after himself and underatands that at present my role is to care for our baby and while Im attached to her breastfeeding I cant do much else. Our baby is extremly clingy atm and is inarms nearly all the time. When she gets a bit older Ill be able to do more and then I will of course, take back some of the jobs.

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    Practised uselessness. DH can be very good at that.

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  12. #19
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    to everyone who does all the work. I'm pretty frightened of the whipper snipper, and hate mowing so I'm very thankful that DH just takes care of the outdoor stuff.
    We're pretty traditional but at the same time if something happened to me I know DH could step up and keep things running. So I'm not worried that he can't do things and I like that he trusts me to keep it sorted so he can relax when he's home (outdoor stuff not included lol).
    I also think if I was being told where to go and when, if all the groceries were chosen by DH etc. I'd feel really controlled and regimented.



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  13. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by NancyBlackett View Post
    Practised uselessness. DH can be very good at that.
    Yep. The reason they do it is quite simple. Because the KNOW without a shadow of a doubt, that if they don't do these particular thigs, then you WILL. So they simply don't bother doing stuff that they don't HAVE to.

    They do it 'cos they get away with it.

    I see it as basic disrespect of their partner, and I will be trying my utmost to find a guy who does not operate this way (there are those who don't!) as I refuse to be in that kind of relationship ever again.

    As far as I'm concerned it rings big warning bells, and can easily (though not always) develop into more and more disrespectful behaviour, and sometimes unfortunately abuse (discussed in length in the book I mentioned)

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