+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 6 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 52
  1. #1
    FearlessLeader's Avatar
    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    10,724
    Thanks
    2,498
    Thanked
    9,116
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts

    Default 'Wife work'

    I just read this article and it is so so true for my family. My DP doesn't get why I rage about him not knowing who needs what medicine, or when DD needs her next feed, or when we're out of laundry detergent.
    I'd love to hear if anyone knows how to get past this. The article suggests we let go and let our other halves take over. I've tried that. But being the one mainly at home, the consequences of DP letting things drop ultimately fall on me during the week. It's a vicious cycle.

    http://m.smh.com.au/lifestyle/jacint...813-2ru74.html

  2. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to FearlessLeader For This Useful Post:

    btmacxxx  (18-08-2013),HugsBunny  (18-08-2013),MissMuppet  (18-08-2013),Smurfberrylizard  (18-08-2013),~ElectricPink~  (18-08-2013)

  3. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    1,393
    Thanks
    2,019
    Thanked
    829
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I think the thing that I find difficult is having to ask my Dp to do this and that...my Dp says that he will gladly do anything (well, almost) that I want him to do but he needs me to ask him. I have felt quite resentful about having to ask him...he has eyes...why can't he see that the laundary detergent is almost empty.

    I'm starting to wonder if men and women aren't equal at all...not sure if it's nature or nurture but either men are really silly and lacking some commonsense...or, they are very smart about playing dumb. (hmm...I realise this view is incredibly sexist...but I guess it's my experience...not sure how/if it fits for others).

    In anycase, since I have broken my leg I have been able (needed to) remind/request that my partner do the things I cannot...which is basically EVERYTHING...and I don't feel like I am nagging because there just isn't any other option.
    But, I really wouldn't recommend it...not having any independence/control over my environment sucks.

    As much as I hate it I think that giving male partners a list of things to do (or reminding/asking) is probably the only way to make sure that you don't end up doing everything

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Last edited by Albert01; 18-08-2013 at 10:30.

  4. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Albert01 For This Useful Post:

    HugsBunny  (18-08-2013),SoThisIsLove  (18-08-2013),~ElectricPink~  (18-08-2013)

  5. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    686
    Thanks
    113
    Thanked
    211
    Reviews
    11
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    My DH can sometimes be like that too, but given I am the one at home most of the time, as a stay at home mum, I mostly see that kind of day to day household management as part of my role. If he was home, the roles would be reversed.

  6. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to MamaNurture For This Useful Post:

    House Mummaxxxx  (18-08-2013),SoThisIsLove  (18-08-2013),tatia&shura  (18-08-2013)

  7. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    4,110
    Thanks
    1,604
    Thanked
    2,087
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I'd love to know the secret to changing this dynamic too. It doesn't matter if I'm earning/working more or less than him, its always the same. If its a house/kids thing then the ultimate responsibility (and 99% of the work) lies with me.

    We plan on him being the SAHP when DS is a bit older. I know it will need to start with a trial run, not just because I'm unsure of how he'll cope with the monotony and isolation, but I don't know if I can relinquish control and accept that sometimes he won't get the kids to swimming on time, pack them the healthiest lunch or realise that 4l of milk won't get us through the week.

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using BubHub

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Rural NSW
    Posts
    1,304
    Thanks
    2,279
    Thanked
    490
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I'm a housewife and stay at home mum so I see most of those things as my domain (and I have zero problems keeping our family running smoothly).
    I find it interesting though, men have gender roles too. How many of us know how much petrol there is in the lawn mower? or how much cord the whipper snipper has? My husband doesn't complain at me for not maintaining the lawn or car things


    Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub app

  9. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Amiedoll For This Useful Post:

    #Mama  (18-08-2013),House Mummaxxxx  (18-08-2013),Jontu  (18-08-2013),lilypily  (18-08-2013),Smurfberrylizard  (18-08-2013)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Central West
    Posts
    1,540
    Thanks
    1,829
    Thanked
    855
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Amiedoll View Post
    I'm a housewife and stay at home mum so I see most of those things as my domain (and I have zero problems keeping our family running smoothly).
    I find it interesting though, men have gender roles too. How many of us know how much petrol there is in the lawn mower? or how much cord the whipper snipper has? My husband doesn't complain at me for not maintaining the lawn or car things


    Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub app
    Interesting thought Amiedoll! We are fairly traditional in our house -I do most of the household chores bar the cooking and he does all yard work. I've never pushed a lawn mower in my life let alone know how much fuel is in it! I would probably blow the thing up because I wouldn't get the ratio right of oil and fuel It doesn't bother me in the slightest if he doesn't know how much washing powder is left. My DH grocery shops with me every week and occasionally on his own so I'm happy with that. I'll leave the lawn mower and car stuff up to him

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Chippa For This Useful Post:

    Amiedoll  (18-08-2013)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    1,854
    Thanks
    755
    Thanked
    724
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by btmac View Post
    Just read it - that's my life too except DH does very little within the home at all. Occasionally he will put on a load of washing or change DS (9.5months) nappy. They are definitely token gestures.

    I am the one who pays the bills, arranges medical/dental/Physio and other appointments and reminds everyone to go, I do the grocery shopping and make sure everyone in the house have meals they love on the menu plan - DH went and picked up milk last week for DS and I and he bought skim!! When I pointed out no reduced fat under 2 years (leaving aside there has never been skim milk in our fridge in the 6 years we have lived together!!) he was oh sorry I didn't realise.

    I have no solutions or advice FL - but I am with you. Hopefully someone else will have some ideas 😊
    This is exactly us, except DF doesn't know how to use the washing machine...

    No solutions OP, just shared frustrations

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to callmedragon22 For This Useful Post:

    btmacxxx  (18-08-2013)

  14. #8
    mummabec's Avatar
    mummabec is offline I could hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    906
    Thanks
    141
    Thanked
    75
    Reviews
    4
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I too feel this. I've recently spent some time in hospital (1x3 nights and 1 night) and DP had to pick up the slack at home. His mum helped everyday I was gone for anywhere from 4-8 hours and still came home to massive piles of washing and a messy house with little food in it after the 3 night stay.

    I am slowly resigning myself to the fact that I need to ask for things to be done, I know it's not malicious and 9/10 he will do what I ask, he just doesn't see what needs to be done. It's annoying as hell but in 6 yrs it's not changed do I doubt it ever will.

  15. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    585
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    183
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I had to direct my DP how to boil peas one night, as I was so sick with the flu and I couldn't move. DP and DS were having rissoles, mashed potato and boiled peas (from the can). I couldn't believe it when he said "Now what do I do?" when it come to cooking. At the same time I laughed, but in the same sense felt sorry for laughing at him. He takes care of yard work and any maintenance work. I cook, clean and basically do everything else.


    Sent from my iPhone using The Bub Hub mobile app

  16. #10
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    7,878
    Thanks
    3,397
    Thanked
    5,160
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Yep very similar here Fearless. DH does as much domestic stuff as I do, especially now that I'm back at work.

    But, he still doesn't know which drawer DS socks are in, what to pack in his Thomas bag for a day trip or how many ml's of panadol he takes.

    I asked him to get nappies the other day and he got 5 massive packs , over 200 nappies, I felt like such a bish when I told him DS had almost outgrown that size and we would probably have to return half the packs.


 

Similar Threads

  1. what does it mean to be a SAHM/wife?
    By loislane2010 in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 98
    Last Post: 16-03-2013, 10:48
  2. Work from home/work school hours/don't work school holidays
    By Debbandrew in forum Working Hubbers - Employed
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 03-09-2012, 14:53

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Mother and Baby Shop
Save $$$ during our Christmas Sale Mother and Baby Shop
Great prices on Schoenhut kids pianos, toys, baby clothing as well as big brands like Pigeon, NUK, Cherub Baby and many more. Sale starts on 1 November 2016 and ends on the 27 December 2016. Hurry! Place your order today!
sales & new stuffsee all
CarmelsBeautySecrets
Growing your own natural nails is easy. Years ago, I devised a simple and very effective technique which really helps boosts the nails' growth in as little as three days! And most importantly keeps them that way.
featured supporter
Philips AVENT Australia
Pregnancy and early parenthood is an exciting and challenging time, but it’s good to know there is expert advice on hand to ensure that your baby gets the best start in life.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!