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  1. #1
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    Default Not Coping with the behavior!

    My DS Has just turned 3. I've struggled with his behavior for what feels like forever but has prob been since he was
    About 14 months old. He is an only
    Child and doesn't have regular contact/ bond with his Father. Things DS does that drives me mental- perhaps someone else can see a pattern or a disorder that I can't see.

    * his level of patience is zero. For example- He will ask for his bottom to be wiped and he will call out once, I will be on my way straight away and he will have called out 3 more times until be is screaming the demand at me. I tell
    Him not to scream at me as it makes me sad but he continually does it most days. Until I end up yelling back at
    Him once my own patience has gone!

    * He cannot share. He's happy to use everyone else possessions but its full scale tantrum if someone looks at/touches/ asks to play with his things. I tell him its nice to share and will take his toys off him at times when he won't share something.

    * he tells ME what to do. He tries to negotiate - bed time "not yet mum". when he's asked to put his shoes on when we are in a hurry to leave "not yet, soon" and continues to stuff around for 20 minutes until I'm cranky because we are late. I should mention I still help him dress/ put shoes on. But everything gets drawn out and excuses made for why something can't be done now.

    * I've been told by family/carers that he can be such an angel (polite, caring, well behaved, helpful) when he's away from me. I believe he actually does 'act up' for me way more than anyone else. Perhaps it's the way I respond to him but I no no other way. He CAN be very good for me too- but those days are not
    Often and I feel the bad days of constant Demanding rude behavior overtake the good days. I feel like we're struggling as mother and son.

    * he's a smart kid- he's not behind developmentally and he's been socialized at kindy for over a year. He has good and bad days there too. He gets spoken to at kindy about sharing And being gentle.

    I attempt things like 123 magic/timeout. I've started smacking in the last 6 months and I hate how it makes me
    Feel, not to mention he hates it also. I smack on the days where its been a constant battle ground from 6am Til bedtime. It doesn't work. I feel like I'm the one chucking a tantrum on those days.

    I just feel... Like I'm doing a crap job and that HE tells me how to run our lives. I feel like he's taken over the house at 3yrs old. I dread having a horrible child at school who gets suspended and is that rough child who is a bully.

    He has no male in his life so he's mostly
    Surrounded by women with no role model. There's so much more but he is demanding I "stop texting mum" so I don't want him to feel ignored....

  2. #2
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    Sounds like a 3 year old to me. Everyone complains about the terrible twos. I say give me the terrible twos over the trying threes ANY DAY!!!!

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  3. #3
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    My nephew was similar at 3. Pretty much the day he turned 3 he lost all patience, stopped sharing, became very demanding, rough etc. I think it's probably normal, just try and have patience with him, I'm sure he'll grow out of it.

  4. #4
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    It sounds like you Ds is a very smart little cookie. He's worked out what he can get away with...and with whom.
    I think programs like 123 Magic and Triple P are great and they are really effective but they just take SO much patience, consistency and effort to implement...and it can be so hard when your reserves are running low...but also, when you start implementing those programs you're going to see an immediate worsening or exacerbation of the problem behaviour as your Ds will escalate his tantrumy behaviour even more to try to get you to respond how you used to/how he wants you to...but if you stick with it it will improve.

    While your Ds's behaviour sounds completely normal for his age it sounds like it is really happening to an extent that you're feeling really miserable and not feeling able to mother the way you'd prefer...hugs Op...must be really hard when you're on your own with no break!!

    Can I ask what State you're in?

    Would you be prepared to talk with a professional to seek some help with some strategies to improve things?

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Albert01 For This Useful Post:

    TheUndomesticGoddess  (18-08-2013),WiseOldOwl  (18-08-2013)

  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Albert01 View Post
    It sounds like you Ds is a very smart little cookie. He's worked out what he can get away with...and with whom.

    I think programs like 123 Magic and Triple P are great and they are really effective but they just take SO much patience, consistency and effort to implement...and it can be so hard when your reserves are running low...but also, when you start implementing those programs you're going to see an immediate worsening or exacerbation of the problem behaviour as your Ds will escalate his tantrumy behaviour even more to try to get you to respond how you used to/how he wants you to...but if you stick with it it will improve.



    Sent from my GT-I9100 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    This is very true. If you start a program like 123 Magic or Triple P you need to commit to it for at least a month then make a judgement about whether it is working for your child or not. You also need to work out your child's "currency" and use that as your consequence, it doesn't have to involve "time out" . They are not miracle cures, the take time and consistency to have any chance of working.

  7. #6
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    Wow thank you so much, I feel like you read through the lines and can see what I'm trying to say. I definitely feel like we need professional help. People make comments that his behavior at times isn't ''normal'. I feel like there is more to his behavior than just normal 2/3 yr old behavior. I feel brushed off when people suggest that too, I feel like I should just 'suck it up and deal with it'. Thing is, I'm NOT dealing with it alone. Thank you so much, just reading your reply makes me feel heard.
    Quote Originally Posted by Albert01 View Post
    It sounds like you Ds is a very smart little cookie. He's worked out what he can get away with...and with whom.
    I think programs like 123 Magic and Triple P are great and they are really effective but they just take SO much patience, consistency and effort to implement...and it can be so hard when your reserves are running low...but also, when you start implementing those programs you're going to see an immediate worsening or exacerbation of the problem behaviour as your Ds will escalate his tantrumy behaviour even more to try to get you to respond how you used to/how he wants you to...but if you stick with it it will improve.

    While your Ds's behaviour sounds completely normal for his age it sounds like it is really happening to an extent that you're feeling really miserable and not feeling able to mother the way you'd prefer...hugs Op...must be really hard when you're on your own with no break!!

    Can I ask what State you're in?

    Would you be prepared to talk with a professional to seek some help with some strategies to improve things?

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  8. #7
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    That sounds tough Even more so doing it on your own. He does however sound like a normal 3 year old! If you have some time, I found this website helpful:
    teachertomsblog.blogspot.com/
    He has some good ideas & insight on handling behaviour. Make sure you get some time to yourself to recharge and have some fun time for yourself so everything doesn't seem so bad?!

  9. #8
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    I'm in Qld

  10. #9
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    Not sure what state u are in but a good friend of mine was struggling with her 2 LOs and her partner works away a lot. She described a lot of similar things that u have. She was sick of yelling and hated the parent she was becoming so enrolled in a parenting course in Brisbane

    Triple P was the name of the course. It was about $100 but over 2 weekends. She found it really helpful for learning some more effective techniques to help with her kids and her behaviours and has been praising it for giving her some new techniques ever since. They all seem a lot happier and better for it.

    She was initially unsure what to expect but apparently most of the other parents were in a similar situation and had kids around the same age too

  11. #10
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    I forgot to mention in my OP- DS can seem quite miserable and angry a lot of the time. He gets angry very quickly. Is this normal 3 yr old behavior?


 

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