How is she going?
How is she going?
Just checking in Frenchie. I hope that your down time from work has started so you can relax/recharge/recentre etc.
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Hope you are doing ok Frenchie..
I was just thinking about Frenchie today.
You've got heaps of love and support here, hun :-)
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I have her on my FB, I'll send her a note to pop in :-)
Thanks merry for letting me know! Wow, I haven't been on here for ages, I'll have to read back and see where I was at when I last posted.
I'm alive lol and so are my husband and kids so that's a good thing lol. I'll just have a read back and Update you guys. Thanks for caring! Mwah xz
Ok so it was only November or so that I last posted, I thought it was longer than that.
So I had my three psych ward admissions last year, none sinxe! Somehow made it to the suboxone dr doped up to the eyeballs. A couple of people have told me more about that first visit since then. I don't know how I even made it there on my own. I have one selfie I took on the train that I found and omg. The dr told me that I had a complete meltdown in his office when he weighed me as I had put on a couple of kilos from the psych drugs. He has told me since he has never seen anything like it. I remember just being upset but he said it was a complete meltdown tantrum. He also told me that he and the other staff wouldn't let me leave I was so off my brain on all the psych drugs and benzos and oxy until someone showed up to pick me up. I do not remember that. I'll have to read back and see what I thought at the time. I remember waking up at my best friends house (she's a cop lol) with all these random pills. I worked out that at that time I was on Xanax, Valium, lorazepam, Zyprexa (anti psych), serequol (also anti psych), pristiq, noten (beta blocker), OxyContin, endone, codeine, lyrica....I think that's all, all at one time for awhile there. That's ridiculous and I'm so glad I actuall didn't OD as I was also drinking on top of it all
Umm since then I'm slowly getting better I guess. I'm now on 28mg of suboxone a day which is nearly the maximum but tomorrow I am going to ask for it to be reduced because all these depressants I'm on have started messing with my metabolism and I've put on a few kilos which has shattered me (as you know I'm also bulimic and was anorexic in the past and that has been really back in my life lately)
I'm still on just 20mg of Valium, I was pretty unstable for a but so he's left me there but I'm going to ask for a drop tomorrow. I just want to be done with them. They don't do anything for me except keep the withdrawls away, which is important because omg benzo withdrawals are deadly and like hell on earth. I'm ready to be done with them forever though.
I'm weaning off the pristiq. I was on 200mg and am down to 50z. Tried to jump off last week but the withdrawals were debilitating, very similar to benzo withdrawls.
I've been put on zyban which is prescribed overseas as Wellbutrin as an anti depressant and has some really good write ups. It's only prescribed in Australia for smoking cessation so I wasn't eligible for it at first but somewhere aloft he line I started smoking again , grrr, from one cigarette up to 49 a day within a week. So I've stopped now and it is workjng as an anti depressant well but I don't think I can stay on it long term because of what it isn't prescribed for in Australia, bummer.
He wants to start me on a newer anti depressant called algomelatine which looks good but I'm not sure I want anymore pills. I just any to be off everything and see how I go. It's stuffing my body up.
I've been generally more stable mentally and emotionally ok the whole except for the return of the eating disorder. I don't know when I will get off this roller coaster. I need long term inpatient but I just can't do it with 5 kids. I did take out that private health insurance thinking that the waiting period would be over about now and I was going to go private inpatient for a bit but I found out it only entitled me to being a private patient in a public hospital which is no different to just being in the. Public psych wards which did not help at all. So I cancelled it.
Work just finished a couple of weeks ago so I'm on holidays for four months and I am making sure I get out of the house everday to go to gym, tyckshop, reading, kids sports and I'm going to volunteer at lifeline. I've pretty much pushed all my friends away. They have wanted to be there for me but they've never been there themselves and I got sick of always talking about my problems so I've really pulled back and even been rude to them on occasion. Just to push them away. I've been more in contact with my friends from the city and we have a two year plan to move back. I just signed another contract for the pool.
Ummmm, what else? Kids are all good. Second eldest and middle child are topping the class in many areas and excelling in their sports of choice, our little preppy is doing great and little miss 3 got good news a couple of weeks ago that she doesn't need more surgery when she turns 4 and we don't have another appointment for a year. She is in kindy 4 dAys which really helps her mobility with her hip. It's actually 3.5 days because now I'm not working I take her out for a couple of hours on a Friday to take her to kindergym as I think it will do her hip a lot of good.
Our eldest has actually moved back to the city to live with my mum. He got mixed up with some messed up friends that were cutting and stuff and he was trying to counsel them all and it all became very codependent. This town of 400 is just no place for an active, social teen who wants to stay on the at right and narrow so we all agreed he needed a clean break for a bit. We miss him like crazy but he has made some lovely friends, my mum is even going and meeting their parents before he's allowed to stay over there!! Omg, when I was 14 I went out all day and all night with whoever I wanted!! I'm so glad she has chbahes. He is doing much better and can train for his swimming all eat round and also do surf life saving and has a lot more opportunities. Heart breakin decision but we are. Him often and know it was the right short term decision. We all want to get back to the city before ds2 hits high sxhool.
Anyway, I think that's it lol. We are off on that cruise this Saturday! I don't even know where we have to be what time etc so I better start planning. Three of the kids are going to my pil and one has to stay local with a friend as he has an important gym comp in bundaberg.
Thanks all for checking up on me, makes me feel special, sorry for the essay lol, but it's actually helped me piece together the last few months xxx
Sorry if there are stacks of typos but I'm not on the app and on my phone so can't see more than a line at a time.
I just quickly skimmed through. Big hugs for how well you are going, glad to hear from you again.
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