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  1. #121
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    Cicer, great idea about payment plans, I will call a couple tomorrow. Just this morning I may have found a public place (pa hospital) that would be suitable. A friend of mine went there for similar reasons.

    I'm in a chemical handling course all day today.

  2. #122
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    Not to mention the fact that without an additional income I can NOT afford to get to two psych appts a week and the Na meeting I have been going to. Let alone go to the city for better help which I hope to do once I have an income. Each trip
    Costs me
    $50
    In petrol and anything to the city is around $150. I couldn't go last week because I had no money.

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  4. #123
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ffrenchknickers View Post
    Omg, I explained nicely how important it is, i am not exactly in denial here, im quite aware of what i am dealing with. I am not making excuses AT ALL, please don't tell me I am. Please don't tell me I am wrong about my own circumstances! We are drowning in debt, I am depressed being at home. I love my job and my mental health is much, much, much better when I am working. My counsellor and my husband agree. Not working feeds my bulimia and my addictions and depression. It is a situation that if i pull out of this contract, i wont get the chance to work again for a very long time, you can come and see where i live if you dont believe me. Our debt keeps me up at night, we cannot afford to be down $70k a year. I WANT and am going to get help, that's why I started this thread and have put a few things into place. I am extremely frustrated now. What reason would I have to make excuses omg.

    I may be ill but I'm certainly not stupid.
    Oh hun!

    I may be wrong but I think pp were trying to say that putting a tight time limit on how long you have to get well may not be practical. It may take longer for you to get well and therefore this job , no matter how important might be risking your life if ur not better in time and go ahead with working 60 hrs a week rather than concentrating on getting properly well iykwim.

    Of course none of us really know ur situation so we can only go by what we know on here xxx

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  6. #124
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoThisIsLove View Post
    Oh hun!

    I may be wrong but I think pp were trying to say that putting a tight time limit on how long you have to get well may not be practical. It may take longer for you to get well and therefore this job , no matter how important might be risking your life if ur not better in time and go ahead with working 60 hrs a week rather than concentrating on getting properly well iykwim.

    Of course none of us really know ur situation so we can only go by what we know on here xxx

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    ffrenchie, I actually agree with this. It took me almost 2 years to get back to my normal self and off the medication. So try not to give yourself time limits or unattainable goals as if you don't reach them it may keep you spiralling for longer. On the other hand I agree that if working at the pool is good for your mental health by getting you out of the house and doing positive, healthy things with your children then you should keep doing it but find a supported way to do it so it doesn't cause more stress or strain. Can you job share with someone else maybe?

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  8. #125
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    I'm not expecting myself to be back to normal but I have lived and worked with all of this for along time.

    Not working is not an option.

    I have just hired three staff members to take the load off. It's not a job share situation as I am the boss. Anyone who works for me I have to pay and I'm willing to do that obviously. I'm contracted by the council to run this pool. The whole town goes without learning to swim if there is no pool. It's not as simple as just getting someone to take over for awhile. You have to be specially (and expensively) trained to work at a pool and in a 400 person town there is noone else qualified. I did have someone lined up to work full time but he just pulled out on me.

    My counsellor, psych and Na meetings are an hour away. I hope to utilise then three times a week as ongoing support and I literally can not afford the petrol. I'm sorry if nobody understand that, it's the reality of our situation at the moment. I will have alot more options when I have my income back. Like I said I had to cancel last week because I literally could not afford the trip over. Not to mention upcoming trips to the city for dd and my operations.

    My meds are under the control of my dh now so I'm not in dangerous addiction anymore.
    Last edited by Ffrenchknickers; 21-08-2013 at 11:16.

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  10. #126
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    I'm going to go against the grain here, but I have to agree that giving up the job is not going to help. Please excuse me if I'm totally wrong, but I think you seem emotionally in a better place when you're working - maybe because its a healthy distraction? And stressing about money would be totally counter productive. I completely support you wanting to keep your position at the pool, for so many reasons.


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  12. #127
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    Thanks hun x. I cannot reiterate anymore just how important and what a blessing this job is.

  13. #128
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    hmm...coming in very late here...although I have read the whole thread...

    Just want to say that work...and the routine, the self-esteem, the responsibility and the 'life outside the addiction/bulimia' etc can be an incredibly important part of remaining relatively okay to pursue recovery in your own environment.

    I'm not saying that you aren't warranted or deserving of in-patient treatment where you can focus on yourself and getting better with no outside interference from 'life'. You certainly are entitled to that but this *isn't always* the best thing in every situation...and this seems to be what you're saying about your situation at present...it is a very individual thing.

    I guess it's about making sure there is some kind of balance and that you are supported in your work. It sounds like you're in a highly specialised job...but hopefully the addition of 3 new staff members will take just a little pressure off the daily demands on your time in your job.

    If these sorts of strategies don't lead to any meaningful improvement and you find that you are still struggling then I guess you could consider plan B and checking in for in-patient treatment.

    By the way Frenchie...I know that you already have your professional supports in place but have you considered seeing a counsellor/psych or NA sponsor who will have a Skype session with you? No petrol money required. I have colleagues who have clients who dial in from all over the world.


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    Last edited by Albert01; 21-08-2013 at 12:06.

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  15. #129
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    Yeah I am checking out Na meetings online and trying to choose a sponsor, the group I go to only has about 6 people.

  16. #130
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ffrenchknickers View Post

    I keep saying I need to go somewhere
    but I feel like I'm not crazy enough. Dh says clients have gone in for much less though and he reminded me that I have major depression, an eating disorder, substance addiction, anxiety, self harm and suicidal episodes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ffrenchknickers View Post
    Everything is just coming to a head for me N. I'm addicted to oxy, now I'm banned from picking up my own scripts anywhere in qld, bulimia is back with force, I've had some suicidal episodes, I've got no skin left on my feet from picking them and I'm depressed. Sounds very dramatic I know but I can't live any longer like this.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ffrenchknickers View Post
    I do know I have major depressive disorder, anxiety, bulimia, drug addiction and have had several panic/suicidal episodes lately. I feel like not even trying now I'm embarrassed.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ffrenchknickers View Post
    Tonight I was allowed extra oxycodone so am feeling ok. The pain and the withdrawals are making the depression so much worse. Next time I have an episode dh is gojng to call an ambulance and go from there. I have so many moments when I literally feel like I am drowning and cannot go on. I can't explain it. Why does this affect me?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ffrenchknickers View Post
    I nearly left in tears as I want someone to be able to help me. I need inpatient as it is causing friction between dh and I and that is the last thing any of us want or need. And it's just so so hard to deal with things while worrying about affecting the kids
    (Bolding mine)

    I hear your pain and I hear your desperation.

    My only hope for you is that you get the help you need and deserve.

    Be it inpatient, outpatient, over the phone or over the internet, I just hope you get your children's mother the help she needs and deserves.


 

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