As some might already know I care for my grandmother who has bad dementia, honestly she should really be in a home but that's a long story so we won't go there.
She has her 42 year old autistic son living with her, he always has lived with her, and he keeps a good eye on her but during the day he is out with friends etc and that's where I'm always over there, caring for her. I also have power of attorney so I do all her banking etc.
Well she has been gradually turning very nasty, I'm told by her Doctor it's apart of the disease.
But it's getting out of control for me.
Today I did her usual Friday food shop, it's usually $150 but today she put a few extra things on the list, so it was $170.
Well she went off at me, saying, "what do think I just won the lottery? Your stealing my money you little b!tch"
She wouldn't stop.
I keep her bank cards on me as she always looses them, she gets things mixed up and is not mentally fit to have important things like kept on her (she gave a JW who was at her door her bank card and PIN number to go down to buy her beer, she has had bowel and liver cancer and is on medication so she cannot drink, thankfully the JW just took the card to the bank and they called me)
I do not spend any of her money unless its for, food, paying her bills etc. I only spend it on her.
But I will get phone calls saying someone has stolen her card because she can't find it, I tell her I have it, she will abuse me and tell me I've left her with no money or that I've stolen off her poor grandmother and I should rot.
She has quite a lot of money in the bank from house investments from when she was younger, so she isn't poor, but she THINKS she is and will go to extremes like eating a banana a day as she is convinced she is broke. That's why I now go over daily to care for her.
There are so many other things, but all in all I have no idea how to cope somedays.
She use to love me, so much.
Now she flat out hates me and I know it's her illness but it hurts so much.
Today, I went there and she has a dog.
A little lap dog who is lovely and I've looked after him many times in the past.
He is beautiful.
Today she wouldn't stop hitting him with a rolled up news paper.
I told her to stop, but she wouldn't.
After I got the dog off her and tried to calm him down my grandmother just sat there laughing in hysterics.
It was by far one of the most distressing things I've seen from her, the way she laughed I can't even put it into words.
I didn't want to leave her with the dog, but we are in a rental and have no pets on the lease.
When we applied for this house it was pets accepted, we didn't have any so we left it.
I've come home and spoken to DH and we have agreed to talk to our PM and make an offer to pay extra rent to see if the owners would consider letting us have the dog.
I honesty feel sick that the dog is still in her care.
I can't report her as she won't understand the warning they will give, if they take the dog I don't know where he will go so I would rather us try and take him before looking at the options of finding him a different home.
The dog has always been very well looked after, he still is, but today really frightened me.
In took him for his vaccinations last week and the vet said he was very healthy etc so she does look after him in that sense. Today was the first time I've seen anything like this.
I'm at home now having a near anxiety attack over it.
I've been in tears, I've gone through the notions of "stuff the real estate I'm going to pick up the dog now" to "it's best just to wait until Monday to ask"
I'm a total mess.
I just want the dog here with me right now!
I can't stop crying over everything.
The hate my grandmother has for me, the way I've completely lost who she was, the fact she thinks my daughter is just a child I baby sit, I'm upset about the dog, I'm just so distraught right now.
How do I handle this disease?
Is its really terrible of me to think sometimes it would be easier if she just passed in her sleep as her quality of life is nothing now?
How do I stop feeling so guilty about not just taking the dog today?
How do I settle myself down enough to just stop crying over today?
Has anyone had a loved one go through dementia?
Please tell me how to cope with the constant feeling of second guessing my actions incase it provokes the nasty side of her?
How to I handle her new found hate for me?
Tonight I'm mainly in such a state over the dog, I feel so guilty.
I've tried having a nap when dh came home but I had nightmares over everything in this post plus some.
I do not know how to make it through the night.
I'm sorry of this is all over the place I'm just so upset.
I just needed to get it all out somewhere.